The Chug-Chug of Sheldon's Mind
It is a wide known fact that when people kiss, fireworks are presumed to streak across the air in wide colourful symphonies that promise to never diminish. It is also presumed that the world comes to a standstill, refusing to spin on its axis, just so the moment will last that little bit longer. For Sheldon, all of these things seemed to happen – but yet, he knew none of that wasn't possible.
For Sheldon, kissing Amy came with the ability to stop – to stop thinking, to stop caring, to stop distancing. And tis came with such a feeling of intense relief that all that mattered in that singular moment was Amy. Sheldon found that he could no longer hear the persistent voice of his inner mind, found that there was no thought interesting enough to penetrate the bubbling feeling rampaging through his body. What once started in his stomach had now engulfed his entire chest and he found it difficult to take a breath. He found that although his mind and body were compromised by this feeling, he didn't particularly mind. It made his heart beat a little faster and he felt feint. The feeling was terrifying but also exciting, it promised more. It promised Amy.
He had never encountered these feelings before. Not even Meemaw singing Soft Kitty came close, it was so distractingly new and unknown. He welcomed it. In that moment, Sheldon felt he could conquer his feelings. That he could become indifferent to what he had hated and hidden from for his entire life.
Sheldon knew in that moment that he could never let go of Amy, the thought of anyone else being in his situation made him feel devastated. She was clearly his, and his alone. Perhaps made especially for him, for who else would find his strange ways endearing other than Amy? He swore to himself, as well as to Amy, that he would never risk losing the chance of feeling what he was currently feeling. Even being afraid of change would not hinder him on this promise to them both. He knew that it wouldn't be an easy, instant step that he could just charge into and knew that he would have to overcome his resistance and hatred of not only change, but of showing true emotion and letting his guard down. He swore to try and show Amy his emotions, because they were there and were entirely focused on her.
He would try until he succeeded because failure was not an option. He would succeed, because nothing was more frightening that the thought of not having Amy in his life. As he gently pulled away from her embrace, as he finally took that deep, shuddering breath that he so desperately needed, a singular thought flittered across his mind.
What have you done to me?
