I was watching 'The Producers' and a little idea I got when I saw the play popped up, so here it is. Enjoy!
"Max!" Leo yelled, running up to his friend, "Great news!"
"What is it?" Max asked, slightly annoyed because one of his past 'clients' had tracked him down. The phone was now ringing off the hook as the news spread among the old ladies of Max Bialystock's new whereabouts. Now he'd probably have to move…again. That, or never pick up the phone.
"Oh Max! Ulla's pregnant!' Leo shouted, jumping up and down, "Can you believe that? I'm going to be a daddy!"
Max smiled as his friend's eagerness and excitement, though he couldn't imagine the babyish Leopold Bloom with a child of his own. "That's great Leo. Good for you."
The phone began ringing again, crushing Max's last nerve. He picked up the phone and yelled, "STOP CALLING ME!"
"But Mr. Bialystock," said a man's voice calmly, "I've never called you before."
"Sorry," Max apologized, "What do you want?"
"Well, good news, bad news Mr. Bialystock. Which do you want first?"
"The good news."
"Your sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy a few days ago."
Max smiled, remembering his younger sister. "What's his name?"
"Jeffrey Paul Patten. Seven pounds, four ounces. Born July twenty-second at three o' six in the afternoon to Richard Patten and Evelyn Bialystock Patten." The man said, sounding like he was reading off a piece of paper.
"And the bad news?" Max asked hesitantly.
The man took a deep breath. "There was an accident. Your sister and brother-in-law were killed instantly in a car accident. However, Jeffrey was okay. It's in their wills that the boy be sent to live with you."
"Of course," Max said, "I'll get a cab to Evey's house right away. Thank you."
Max hung up the phone, frowning. He'd always meant to invite his little sister to one of his plays, but now he'd never be able to.
"What's wrong?" Leo asked, his excitement about the little Bloom-to-be fading.
"Nothing," Max lied, "I've gotta pick something up in Jersey."
"What is it?"
Max paused for a moment, looking at the concern in his friend, and partner's, face. "A baby." He muttered quickly before heading down the stairs.
The Producers
It was one in the morning when the phone in Max Bialystock's apartment rang. He dashed out of bed to pick it up before it could wake little Jeffy.
"Hello?" he asked groggily.
"Oh thank goodness you picked up!" Came Leo's voice, "Max, you've gotta help me. Ulla's having her baby!"
"Now?" Max asked, "But she's not due for another month and a half."
"I know," Leo said nervously, "But it's coming anyway. Please help me Max."
The older man could hear the desperation in his friend's voice. Poor Leo was scared. The two things he loved most were in danger.
"Sure thing Leo," Max answered, "I'll be over in a little bit."
He asked the neighbor, a kind old man named Horace, to keep an eye on Jeffy while he went out. The man liked kids and was only too happy to oblige, even at the time. Max quickly hailed a taxi and hopped in. He told the driver the Bloom's address and began to relax as the taxi sped down the street. He smiled, remembering how excited Leo grew after each day. He was already devoted the kid and it wasn't even born yet.
"Hello Max," Leo said picking up Jeffy from his cradle where he was lying awake, "How's it going?"
"Pretty good," Max answered, "Jeffy's a good kid. He doesn't cry as much anymore. So, what brings you here?"
"How would you like to be a godfather?" Leo asked in a rush.
Max smiled. "I'd like that very much."
"We're here," the taxi driver said gruffly. Max quickly paid him and ran up the stairs. He hadn't even reached the building when he heard Ulla's loud moaning. It was going to be a long night.
The Producers
The two men had been sitting in the hospital waiting room for the past two hours. It was now almost four in the morning. They'd gotten Ulla to the hospital and now all they could do was wait. Max was falling asleep in his chair, but Leo was wide-awake, pacing and nervously glancing at the clock.
"Hey Leo," Max said, trying to distract his friend for a moment's time, "Remember when you were picking out names?"
Leo smiled, remembering.
"Max," Leo asked as he and Ulla opened up the big box Max had brought over, "Where'd you get all these baby names books?"
"Evey had them," Max replied, "I thought you could use them."
They'd sent the next few hours on the floor, searching through the books while Ulla took Jeffy for a walk.
"Hey Leo," Max said, "What do you think of 'Adolph' if it's a guy?"
Leo shuttered. "No thank you!" he answered, "How about 'Kurt'?"
Max stuck out his tongue. "What's Ulla giving birth to?" he joked, "A ninety-five-year-old geezer?"
A man in scrubs came out of the room. "Mr. Bloom?" he asked, looking at the two men in the room.
"That's me," Leo answered, walking over to the doctor.
"Mr. Bloom, I'm afraid we have some bad news…"
"Doctor," Leo asked, his face paling, "What's going on? Is my wife okay? What about my kid?"
The doctor smiled. "Your wife gave birth to a healthy, baby girl just a few minutes ago. But the bleeding won't stop Mr. Bloom. We're trying everything we can, but we're not sure if your wife will make it through the night. However, if she does, she'll pull through. Now if you'll excuse, I'm needed back there."
Before Leo could say a word, the doctor disappeared into the room. Max glanced at his friend, who's face was as white the room had been when Ulla first 'tidy-up-ed'.
"Don't worry Leo," Max reassured, "Everything's going to be okay."
"How can you be so sure?" Leo asked, "What if I lose Ulla? What if I lose my kid? I'll be all alone."
"No you won't. You'll still have Jeffy and me."
"Thanks Max, but it just wouldn't be the same."
Both men looked up as the doctor came back into the room, frowning. "Mr. Bloom, I'm sorry to inform you…"
The Producers
Leo smiled half-heartedly at the little bundle he now held, his eyes full with bitter tears. His daughter looked just like Ulla. He wanted to hate the thing, for it had taken his wife away, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. He'd been to excited about the arrival of this baby to hate it. Anyway, it was part of him and part of Ulla.
Leo hugged the baby gently as he entered his apartment. It no longer felt like home. The baby started wiggling and whining in his arms.
"Don't worry baby, Daddy's here," Leo cooed, and the baby soon fell quiet with sleep.
