Dear…whatever this is.
Diary? Journal? Stupid bloody thing. Whatever it is. I don't know what Whammy was talking about. 'Should write down' how I feel? Bullshit. I'm fine. Doesn't bloody matter how I feel.
Stupid man. I don't care how smart he is, it doesn't mean he knows me or what I should or shouldn't do. And I know that's stupid! He's so smart but he's stupid? Yeah I see the glaring problem in that statement! But even the smartest people don't know everything! He…he tries to understand but…I just don't care! About…about theoretical physics and and homework and if I'm exercising enough and all that stupid shit! What does it matter if sometimes I don't want to see anyone and I don't want to talk?
It's not all the time and I can fucking deal with it! It doesn't affect anyone else so I don't get why he fucking cares! But Whammy does care more than others do I guess so it's not as weird as it could be.
Everyone one…well almost everyone else…say 'do things normally', 'what's wrong with you' and 'you're so creepy'. Thanks! It's not like I haven't heard that my whole life! Even in a place full of weirdos I'm still not welcome!
Sometimes I don't see the point. Of anything. Of trying, of caring. But then I have a good day and its fine and I see that its fine and good and everything. As long as I make it through the bad days I'm fine. I just don't know if I have more good days or bad any more. Urg this isn't making any fucking sense. I just don't know how to explain 'how I feel'.
Fuck this bullshit. I did what he said and I wrote stuff down. It doesn't matter if I feel a bit…better after writing stuff down. I wrote stuff so whatever. Just have to take it one moment at a time and all that. Urg I don't know why I'm putting so much effort into this, no one is going to see it any way. Might as well go do some homework or something.
Beyond Birthday.
