Awkward
September 1st, 2012 : School has just started. My classes aren't that interesting... In fact, they stink.
High school hasn't turned out to be what everyone has said it would be. It's not living up to its expectations, as I'd hoped. My best friend, and only friend, Delilah; has just moved. To Vermont, of all places, which is like a billion miles away. I still live in California. Pretty, but I feel like there's nothing else to do. I've lived here all of my life, except for when I lived in Boston and was then adopted. My birth parents are somewhere out there. But for now, I live with Nancy and Craig. Probably the most boring people I've ever met. In this place and time, I'm stuck with them. And I can't do anything to change that. Life is not what I expected it to be.
Do you ever get that feeling that no one really understands or cares about you? That's how I feel right now. Alone. Nancy and Craig forgot my birthday, again. No friends. Going into high school. This will be a blast.
September 4th, 2012 : Still no friends, no interest in my classes, and... no birthday presents.
In my opinion, gym is a complete waste of time. What profession involves capture the flag and two touch football? What bothers me most is that all of the girls, besides me, stand around and do nothing. I play two touch football and capture the flag. Not willingly of course. Next come the locker rooms. Most of the time, girls are just texting... Each other. But sometimes there are the girls who just get changed and carry on with their days. I am one of those girls. The so called "normal" girl. Just a bit under weight, wears normal clothes, gets decent grades, and keeps to herself. A wallflower. Sits with no one at lunch, asks no questions, and has no interests in any after school activities. That's me. Just Emma.
September 7th, 2012 : My ELA teacher, Mr. Morson, has the most annoying voice: "Commee onnn kidsss" he drones. "Pleassse turnnnn yourrr to page threee hundred annnd ninteeeey ssssix in your texxxxxxxxt."I think that he might be on his way out.
Today I have math, civics, and science homework. Of course if I ask of any help with it, I will get none. Nancy and Craig are no help to me at all. They don't come to any of my school parent meetings. There is never any love for me.
September 12th, 2012 : I hate coming to school. Of course I have no friends. No one to sit with at lunch. And still no interest in my subjects. My life just doesn't seem to be going quite great.
Today in math, a guy with grey skinny jeans and a purple v-neck shirt kept looking at me. It was creeping me out in the beginning of class. But towards the end, it didn't bother me as much. So I smiled at him, he smiled back. Nothing big... If he was checking me out, he wouldn't see much. Dark brown wavy hair, grey eyes, and shortness plays a big part in my life too. I was normal looking. He came up to me at the end of class:
"Hey, my name's Alex. And I was wondering if you would ever consider coming to a chorus meeting... I noticed your binder, it was full of drawings of musical notes and song lyrics."
"Sorry," I said. "I'm not very good at singing" I turned to walk away. But he stopped me.
"You look like you would be a great singer, just consider it. Okay?" He said.
"I will, thanks."
"Hey, what lunch do you have?" Alex asked,
"B, why?" I asked.
"I have B too, did you wanna sit with me?" He asked. Smiling.
"Sure,"
At lunch, Alex talked about his skinny jean collection. I listened. He asked me what my favorite things were, about my home life, friends, and other things that normal people talk about. I asked him why he was asking so many questions. His response was:
"I talk a lot when i'm around a pretty girl,"
It was clear that I was blushing, my cheeks felt hot. I didn't know why he was being so nice to me, but I guess he was just a nice person.
"I get quiet around guys." I said, not knowing what to say. I felt stupid. "Cute guys,"
He laughed. I laughed. Silence.
"You have really pretty eyes," He said. "They're a cool color. I've always hated my eyes, I just don't like the color. Green is hard to match."
"Grey is pretty easy, as long as you don't wear black. Then you look like a vampire."
He laughed. I laughed. Silence, again.
"Hey what's your number?"He asked.
"What?" I asked a little too loudly.
He laughed again. "What's your number silly?"
"Oh, let me write it down," I grabbed a sticky note:
I gave it to him. He looked at me. I looked at him. I wonder what he was thinking.
After a long pause he said: "Hey, did you want to catch a movie, sometime?" He smiled at me. 'That was quick' I thought.
"Sure. That'd be fun," I said and smiled. "What movie were you thinking?"
"Well what are you interested in?" Alex asked.
"Well, um, I like dramas," I said.
"Oh that's cool because I love dramas too." He said smiling for, like, the one hundredth billion time. (not that I minded it)
Lunch was over, unfortunately. Alex, actually quite good looking, gave me a hug. I kind of just stood there with my hands at my sides. Awkwardly.
September 15th, 2012 : I feel different. My head seems to drift away when I'm trying to pay attention in my classes. In math, I constantly look at Alex. He winks at me. I feel upside down. I eat in my room at home because I want nothing to do with Nancy and Craig. But, I sit with Alex at school. We talk and talk, I feel; loved.
For the first time in my life I feel: LOVED.
Alex and I go see to the movies. He decided to pay for everything. I insisted upon paying for food, he said no. I scowled. He hugged me. We saw "The Words". It was actually pretty good. During the movie Alex asked me:
"Do you think that we are boyfriend and girlfriend?" I was eating popcorn at the time and choked.
"*cough* *cough* *hack*; what?"I said still having a hard time breathing.
He patted my back; " I said, do you think that we are boyfriend and girlfriend?" In the darkness, I could see the hope in his eyes, the love, and the happiness.
"Yes."
September 20th, 2012 : Alex is my first boyfriend. He is kind, polite, and can sing... I haven't tried out for chorus yet, but I will. And when I do, I really hope that I don't embarrass myself.
Chorus auditions are today. I'm freaking out. Alex has already made it. I've decided to sing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz. I'm walking into the room and Alex is coming out.
"You'll do amazing," he says and kisses my cheek.
I kind of just stand there for, like, what seems like an hour. And finally the chorus instructor comes out and waves me in. She is an older woman. Greying hair, wrinkles around her eyes. She has a kind face.
"Dearie, what song are you singing today?" She smiles, tilts her head slightly. I think that she an sense that I feel dizzy. And that I have butterflies in my stomach.
I faint.
In the nurse's office, I am laying on my back looking at the ceiling.
"That was quite a fall you took there," The nurse says. "Are you going to go back to chorus? I think that you can. If you want that is."
"I can. Thank you," I smile at her. What I've learned in life is that, a smile can go a long way.
"Okay, I'll let you go this time, but if you faint again, I'm sending you home."
"Okay," I smile again.
Back at the chorus auditions, the instructor, Mrs. Thimes. I peak my head in and she sees me.
"Oh good! You're back! Let me hear what you have to sing." She says.
I start to sing. She watches me, the other students aren't paying attention. I get nervous.
"Dearie," she says, "Stop for a minute; I can tell that you're nervous. You need to have confidence."
"Okay," I say.
I start to sing again.
Somewhere over the rainbow...
Way up high, there's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby...
Once I finish, she applauds me. The other chorus students join in. I blush, and curtsy.
"Very good, Dearie. You will be able to attend our first meeting right?" She asks and smiles.
"Yes, I can" I smile.
September 25th, 2012 : Alex and I went out to a little Chinese restaurant. I got dumplings, he got fried rice. Alex makes me laugh. That why I like him.
I go into school the next day. Today I have chorus, and math. I am looking forward to math... And chorus. Alex brings me to the end of the hallway by chorus, fifteen minutes before it starts. We talk for awhile. All of the sudden, he leans over and kisses me. He leans back after a second.
"I love you." He says.
"Same." I pull him back.
