Bella looked at her watch and wondered where Edward was. He was late for their date to go to the movies and there's nothing worse than waiting for someone when you have a date and they don't show up.
"I know he is probably doing his feeding time, but this is not like him to stand me up like this so late," said Bella.
The moon cast a shadow across Bella's face. She was both light and dark, reflecting her mood. What could be so bad that our love could go ignored and discarded? Did I say something wrong?
She got a text message on her cell phone. It read: "MEET ME IN THE PARKING LOT - E.C."
Finally!
She walked into the parking lot and found him standing next to the green Prius like he said he would be in his text.
"Where have you been, Edward?!"
Edward was full of life from feeding on blood and it showed under the parking lot lights. When the light hit him it sparkled like it does when the sun touches his flawless skin.
"I've been here waiting for you butt I don't want to go inside. I think we should go somewhere else. That way we're not seen."
"Why? I thought... you liked me. Are you embarrassed of me? Is that it? Is it that I'm not like you?!", Bella said as she bit her lip.
"I do like you. You know I love you and would cross into the ninth gate of hell to hold your soul in my arms."
Bella felt the air around her escape down her throat. These were the words she had been waiting for. He understood her.
"Do you want to do those things we talked about in the instant message?", Edward asked.
"I'm not sure. Where would we go?"
"I love you, Bella. I've waited a century to meet you. I want you..."
"You want WHAT?," Bella exclaimed.
"I want you...," Edward said as he searched for the final words. "I want you to have... my BABY."
At that, Chris Hanson from "To Catch A Predator" walked out with two cameramen in tow. Edward was shocked as the halogen lights broke through the night and illuminated his face.
"Hello, Mr. Cullen is it?," Chris Hanson asked.
Edward backed off a bit. "Woah. I thought...Wait. Is this that T.V. show? I wasn't going to do nothin', man!"
"Nothing? Can you explain to me why a 100 year old vampire is hanging around a high school?"
"Vampire? I'm not a vampire. I don't know what you're talking about!"
Chris pulled out a transcript and read, "Yes I want you. I want to taste your blood as it drips down your blankity-blank."
"Look, man... I sparkle! That's all I do! How does that make me some "vampire"?"
"How do you explain this? 'I want to remove my magic underwear, read the golden plates and maybe kill some Indians with you tonight. We can do this after and then we can kiss while holding the Seer Stone that helps us read these golden plates.' You ARE aware that Bella is underage?"
"But I'm 16!"
At that, Chris Hanson took Edward into the movie theater where he showed him three different versions of the film "Dracula", "Let The Right One In", "Nosferatu", "Salem's Lot", "From Dusk Til Dawn", "Lifeforce", "John Carpenter's: Vampires", the television show "Groovie Ghoulies" and even gave him a copy of the comic book "Wulf & Batsy".
According to police records, he seemed confused.
When he came out of the theater, Edward was met by the local police and a misinformed, under-sexed, Hot Topic-loving woman who had no idea as to who or what vampires are or what decent writing is.
She exclaimed to him, "Joseph Smith will protect you, Edward!!"
