WARNING: Contains spoilers for 3x04 - Children of the Dark, 4x03 - Minimal Loss, 4x09 - 52 Pickup and 5x01 - Faceless, Nameless
Choices
It wasn't obvious, but it was clear in the little choices they made. How he would always say: "Prentiss you're with me", how she would look for his approval above anything else. It was clear when he asked Rossi to be the negotiator in Colorado and when she stayed with him after the Reaper had attacked him. It was clear that Emily Prentiss and Aaron Hotchner were in love with each other.
Hotch knew from the moment Emily translated that message in Arabic that her addition to the team would be welcomed. However, he never expected she'd have such a great impact on his life. And even though Emily had wanted that assignment with a passion, she never imagined what the Unit Chief would mean to her.
Yes, they were in love with each other but neither of them knew. Or if they did, they hid it. Well, they tried. Because truth was, it was obvious in their choices, in their gestures, in their words. They could not deny how close they stood from one another – closer than a subordinate and a boss should stand – the same way they could not deny the looks between them. Oh, those looks! They could light a house on fire. Because they were past the point where they needed words to communicate; a glance could say it all.
So that's how they expressed their feelings: with glances and nods and carefully chosen words. They could not let anyone suspect what their feelings were. If only they knew how evident it was to other people! And if they weren't so focused on hiding their emotions, they would have noticed the other's behavior; they would have realized the truth. But they kept waltzing around each other because what they felt was inappropriate and surely unrequited.
They danced and danced and swirled around each other, wanting what they couldn't have. So they settled for the smaller things. Like a look, or a nod, or a smile – only in Emily's case because, well, Hotch didn't really smile – or maybe, just maybe, when they were feeling extra adventurous, a brush of their arms while they walked. And apparently their subconscious tended to trick them into making choices that involved the other person.
In any other situation, Hotch would have never stood down from being the hostage negotiator. He'd co-written the textbook, for Christ's sake! And yet he couldn't bring himself to do it in Colorado because there was too much at stake. In any other circumstances, Emily wouldn't have missed a raid. And yet, she sat by Hotch's side, trying to comfort him while he dealt with the aftermath of the attack and waited to see if Haley and Jack were okay.
Those were the big things, the ones that involved life or death situations but there were others too. Like that time in Denver, when Emily wanted to take in the girl that had survived and had told Hotch about it. Or in Atlanta, when Hotch asked her if she was okay with the idea of meeting Viper at the club. They didn't have to do that but they chose to. Because what the other thought or felt was important to them. It was an outright demand for approval, to know that they weren't being imprudent. Both of them needed that approval to maintain their connection.
Because theirs was a connection that went beyond working in the same place. They shared many hours together and had seen horrible things, the kind of things that leave people scarred and make them bond through the horror. Not to mention that Hotch had already been a part of her life, although indirectly while working for her mother. Besides, they shared those little moments; when they were both at the kitchen having coffee, when they were left alone to put away all the information from the case they'd already solved …
Those were the things that betrayed their well-hidden hearts; those unconscious gestures that drew them to each other. It was their little choices that marked their relationship more than any big declaration of love could ever do. Because those little choices define who we are.
Thanks for reading! This is my first try at H/P fanfiction but after watching season 4and the first episode of season 5, I couldn't get this couple out of my head. Please review and let me know your comments, opinions, ideas, etc.
I suggest you also read: He Knows (a Hotch fanfic) and Running (Emily's character study), two of my CM works.
