DISCLAIMER: No, I do not own twilight, never have, never will. I just own my mind and the weird things that happen in it… Stephanie Meyer owns the rest of it all.

Chapter 1:

"Wait! This isn't what it looks like! Would you stop packing and listen, please?" the scumbag of my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend pleaded with me. I just looked at him like he started speaking in an entire different language. "The pictures don't agree with that statement, baby." I said the last word dripping sarcasm.

"Isabella, you're out of your mind if you ever think I'd cheat on you with someone like her! We've known each other since middle school you know me better than that." His hands went from his hair to my hands, stopping me from adding more clothes into the suitcase.

"Don't even go there; you're not the victim here, John. I didn't just hire somebody to spy on you. I took those pictures myself!" I was feeling less and less patient. I was about to let my instincts run wild and break a pan on his head like my mom would have.

My mom… Renee loved John, she would never believe that the same boy that took me to every dance in middle school and saw me grow out of my most embarrassing stages with the same look of love in his eyes that he had the day he asked me to marry him. Of course that marriage had ended about a year later because of some similar situation, that time I had made a mistake… she will definitely bring up the many times we've broken up because of me. Almost the same number of times that it was his fault, but since I was the one leaving this time, I guess I'd take all the blame.

This time was different I knew we wouldn't go back to what we had. Even after I knew everything I knew I still love him. I can't lie to myself, not about something I am so sure of. He doesn't help much my decision because I know he loves me too. I know him so well that the look in his eyes right now was just a brief showing of the pain he'll be once I've left. Looking into the most comforting black eyes that I've ever seen I felt a knot in my chest, for a moment I felt like going back and ignoring what had happened.

"Bella," he cupped my face with his hands, and this time I couldn't stop the tear that run down my face. "You are everything I have, you know I love you, I would never lie to you about that." And I knew that for once this afternoon he wasn't lying. He used it to make his case work. "We've been through everything together, death of friends and relatives. Times when there was no money, illness, we've been through all of what we in our vows promised and it's only made us have more meaning. Don't throw something as valuable away."

"That's the problem; you only remember how valuable it is when I'm ready to go!" I was sobbing now, why couldn't he remember all of this, all the time?

"Because I never thought that you would leave! You are my best friend, I know I've made mistakes, but so have you! Or should I remind you marriage number two?"

It was a low blow. We stopped on the second marriage because 2 divorces, when you weren't even 25, did not sound well anywhere, and it didn't matter that both of them were with the same person, people looked at you like you were a teenage and couldn't drive yet. We didn't care, from both times we learned about ourselves. I learned that, no matter how many dates I went through, he was the one I wanted to drive me home and kiss me on the door step. John learned about himself too, he also added a few more numbers to his little black book, or dictionary-sized agenda, more like.

"Please, my little fling and dates weren't compared to the stench of hooker cheap perfume I found here when I moved back!" He was crossing a dangerous zone now.

"Exactly, you still moved back! Because this," he said taking my hands in both of his, "is unique. You are my best friend Bella, you are my home, and no matter what happens we have to have each other in our lives to be able to live." He leaned down and kissed me sweetly, but I could feel he was waiting for me to snap out of it and hang my clothes back in the closet. If only he knew…

"We can still be in each others lives; I never said I'll erase you from mine." He let a smile lit of his face. His brown hair was falling on his eyes; his shirt loosened and not tucked in because of all the fighting from 2 hours ago. We were much calmer now. "But I am leaving; I don't want to have to remind you every day of how right we are for each other and that it's real." His smile fell and he went to the heartbroken puppy face from before.

"I know that! I've just reminded you of it!" he said raising his arms in surrender. "Unpack and come to bed, I believe I haven't welcomed you from work properly, yet." A wicked smile playing in his serious face.

"Oh, no, dear. This time sex isn't going to convince me. Maybe you should ask your date for some sweet lovin'." I said laughing, but internally I just wanted to forget everything and follow him. I just had to look at the pictures and remind myself of the night of the 'crime'.

Flashback

"What time is it?" I asked for the tenth time in the last 5 minutes.

"30 seconds after the last time," Carrie sighed exasperated. "I'm sorry," I said looking at the table and fiddling with the napkin,"I'm just nervous."

"Why? Are you surprised to see what you're about to see?" she asked rhetorically. I knew she was right. This is about the fourth time we are breaking up, just because of his cheating.

"I know, I know. But this time is different Carrie, I've got a plane ticket." I sighed and hoped that I was wrong about tonight, and him, and about some other things I knew too.

"Is there anything I can help you with, ladies?" a smiling waiter said to us. We hadn't ordered yet, partly because we weren't here to eat, but mostly because even if I was hungry, with all the butterflies in my stomach I doubted I could eat anything.

Carrie smiled up at him and simply said, "No, not yet, we are waiting for the show to start." I laughed lightly and felt just a little bit better.

"oh, well, don't let me interrupt your conversation, when you are ready just signal me whenever you're ready and I'll be here to take your orders and help you with anything you might want."

"Anything, huh?" Carrie was in full flirt mode now and I kicked her under the table she was here for MY moral support, not to get herself a future while I destroyed mine. I admit it, I was being overly selfish, but she had spent an entire day of shopping, getting new hair-dos and make-up saying how I should put myself first and let the world fix itself for once. "I think I'll take you up on that." She smiled at the waiter and then looked at me clearly pleased that I was standing up for myself. Then she froze looking over my shoulder.

"Did they get here?" I asked in a hurried whisper. I was sitting with my back to the entrance of the restaurant and we were far off in a crowded corner where I knew he'd never seat a date at.

Carrie simply nodded and I felt that my heart just got broken in a place that it was still unbroken.

End flashback.

"Would you stop with the accusations? It wasn't a real date, I just saw her and she was kind of blue, I worry about her too, she is your friend as much as mine, I don't like to see her suffer. If anything happened was because one thing led to another, but I never stopped thinking about you the entire time!"

I gagged, "oh, god. I don't even want to know what you guys did, or what was going through your mind! Please save what little is left of my sanity; and don't flip the friend card, ok? It was your fault!" I turned around and started putting more clothes in. I was already annoyed of being in the same room as him. This time he took it too far. I might have been distant for the past weeks, but it was no excuse for him to go and fuck my maid of honor of our first wedding.

Yes, the woman in the picture looking all cozy was Lily, the Lily that grew up with both of us and saw us break up and make up so many times. I knew it was a betrayal from her side, but he was in a relationship with me, he has some responsibility as well, he can't just blame her because she flashed her panties at him and he got in the mood. He should remember that his actions have consequences, and he should deal with them. And besides it had been going on for some time.

My cousin Nessie had just found out that she was pregnant and the past few weeks I had been thinking that with a relationship as unstable as ours we couldn't even think about starting a family. I had only spoken to Carrie about it. From all of our class we were the ones that were still unmarried. Although I wasn't so sure if that applied to me or not, but Carrie convinced me that someone as immature as both of us shouldn't be allowed to marry. I had laughed because it was true, I loved John with all of me, but we did pretty stupid things at times.

I finished packing and turned to him expecting him to be red in rage and ready to argue. I was honestly surprised to find him leaning against the wall and looking at me calmly.

"I know it was my fault, Lily would have never just betrayed you like that. I'm sorry, I don't know what's with me. I feel sometimes like we've gone as far as we could take it with our love. Sometimes I want to feel like I am doing things for the first time. It doesn't mean that I don't love you, or even that I love you less; just that.. I don't even know Bells. I am so very sorry. Please, lets try again, just like before, just like always. Don't leave." His chin touched his chest and he sighed, I knew that he had tears running down his cheeks and it hurt me.

Just then I heard Carrie's car pull up on our driveway and I knew I had to leave or she would drag me by my newly straight hair.

"I'm sorry; this is not like the rest of the times. I want to have a family; I want to have a future and something I can rely on. I'm sorry Jonathan. Just like you want to have new things in your life I want to start a life. I am ready for it and you are not."

"Give me time to be ready, please, just tell me what you want from me and I'll give it to you." he came from his place at the wall to stand between the bedroom door and I. he looked into my eyes like he was trying to understand me, like he was seeing me from the first time. And somehow he was. He was seeing the new me for the first time. And then I saw what Carrie saw. We were so immature. He still thought I was the same girl from college and high school. He can name everything he knows I like, he knows my reactions, he knows everything about me; but he doesn't know the adult me, he doesn't know that I want more than to have a perfect boyfriend that is also my best friend and has been for as long as I can remember.

I took my luggage from the bed and walked towards the door. I stopped in front of him and hugged him. "I'm sorry, I love you, but I can't just love you and be what you want me to be. I want more too, but we don't want more from the same things."

"We'll be back here in a few months again. I know we will and then we'll get marr-," he was cut off by Carrie's honking and I rushed out the door. "Bye, John."