'I've survived a lot of things, and I'll probably survive this.' –J.D. Salinger
"Living easyyy , lovin' free"
"Patrick-"
"Season ticket on a one way rideeeee"
"Patrick would you shut the fuck up for three seconds, I'm trying to read this piece of crap map and your incessant wailing isn't helping."
The jeep at the head of the 4th Regiment Royal artillery unit rumbled along a dusty road- more of a dirt track than a road in Allie's opinion, but the map given to them by the logistics officers said road, so who was a lowly gunner to assume otherwise. The crew shuffled uncomfortably in the Afghan heat after what felt like hours stuck in the minimum comfort of their purpose-built ride on the way to their next position. Allie figured the light gun they were towing took priority over the six gunners dying in the rolling oven. Being on point and their tracking technology broken was not the most ideal of situations. Allie Fletcher wiped sweat from her brow, adding further grime to her forehead from her dusty engine oil ridden hands and frowned at the faded map, trying to ignore the conversation going on around her.
"How can you not like AC/DC!" Patrick cried with indignation, still tapping the tune on the gun resting on his lap, "and I can't believe you used your one profanity of the day allowance on little old me." His pale Irish cheeks had slowly become as red as his hair throughout the day, still not accustomed to the harsh central Asian heat.
"I couldn't think of anyone more worthy of a profanity or two," Lukas chuckled from behind the wheel, attempting to simultaneously inhale a cereal bar and readjust his sunglasses.
"Jeez cap, thanks cap, much appreciated cap" Patrick muttered, saluting sarcastically. The team gave a small chuckle and a comfortable silence filled the jeep as they continued to swelter in the cramped conditions, snacking and drinking from canteens every so often to try and fight dehydration. Allie wiped a few loose strands of her hair out of her dirty face behind her ear, dreaming of a nice cold shower and food that hadn't come out of a packet.
"We're about five klicks from our destination, just straight up this road. Not long 'til showers and proper toilets now, lads." The group all cheered, glad to be close to some sort of civilisation after a long, uneventful and quite frankly pointless tour.
"Proper plumbing would be a new experience for you wouldn't it Allie, being from Yorkshire and all." Patrick added cheekily, trying to get a rise from the proud woman in an attempt to overcome his boredom. The past few months had been spent stuck together, travelling through deserts and previously invaded towns and cities, looking out for any lasting resistance and giving supplies to the odd refugee community. To Allie it had felt like one hot sweaty family road trip in quite frankly the worst vehicle on the planet. Half the time was spent being mechanics attempting to create makeshift parts for the old, over used jeep.
"I don't know about you guys, but I cannot wait to down a few ice-cold beers and kiss my beautiful sexy wife" Lukas sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, picturing the scene with a grin plastered on his face. Paddy, the baby of the group, raised an eyebrow and made some rude joke about where the kiss was going to be, or whether it was just a kiss, or making babies or something. Allie wasn't listening; she was too busy picturing that pint glass dripping with condensation, that taste of beer, the laugh of her friends as they sat outside her favourite pub in her home town, spying on her favourite bearded barman in the sunshine. A jolt brought her from her daydream and Lukas turned the jeep's engine off after a few attempts to get it rolling again, looking around at the team. Voices came from the radio asking what the issue was, near impossible to hear due to the terrible connection, as the jeeps behind followed suit in resting the tired engines.
"Looks like we hit a hole" Lukas told the radio, confirming the command from the CO to check what was going on and give a SitRep in five, while everyone dug in. Lukas ordered three soldiers from the jeep behind to go and check on their load- an L118 light gun- while he, Patrick and Allie kept watch, guns and sights aimed at the barren, dusty surroundings. A niggling feeling ate at Allie's mind; they were in the open with a significant lack of cover, only the jeep having the potential to keep them out of any line of fire. Looking at what the wheels got trapped in, her fear grew as she observed the trench and noticed the sand at the bottom appeared darker, almost freshly dug. This wasn't just a rut in the road from extensive use- the only other signs of movement were sandal tracks and goat hooves.
"Umm Lukas," she called her friend over as he instructed Patrick to watch the quite empty horizon, giving him a scalding look as he caught him using his gun to perform a particularly intricate baton routine. "Does this hole look a bit peculiar to you? Like, a bit hand dug maybe?"
A worried look flashed across the blonde soldiers' face as they both thought the same thing. Ambush. As if on cue, a shout came from Patrick and they spun around to see a group of dots bobbing up and down behind a sand dune. A strange noise filled the air.
"RPG! Get away from the jeep!" One of the team shouted from behind the L118, Allie was too shocked to think who, as Patrick ran to help Lukas and Allie drag each other away from the incoming explosion. Time seemed to slow as Allie felt a blast of heat from the raging fire ball that used to be their old run-down jeep and a deafening crash enveloped her. The last thing she felt was Paddy's grip on her arm and her dog tags burning into her neck before she fell into darkness.
Allie
Allie shot up like she'd just had a nightmare, struggling to regain her breath and quell the dizziness in the back of her head. It felt like she'd gone ten rounds with a bear (she assumed, having never gone ten rounds with a bear before) and she stuck her head between her legs in an attempt to ease her queasiness. After regaining her senses, she decided to do what all her training taught her to; stay calm, check surroundings, check supplies, plan ahead. That all nearly went out the window at stage two, when she looked around to find herself in a densely wooded area. A wood. In the middle of Afghanistan. Actual green trees and grass and bushes. Trying to act as if this was normal, she scouted her surroundings, and upon deciding there was no suspicious activity within the vicinity moved on to stage three. She still had her gun, 24-hour ammo pack and Glock which was a relief, and her backpack had enough rations for about 2 weeks, replacement clothes and some basic equipment for cooking and navigating. Noting her radio and helmet missing, she thanked god her pocket knife and hip flask (both crucial in case of emergencies) were still in her leg pockets and took a lucky swig from the latter.
All the while endless questions flew round her head. Where the hell was she? The gentle breeze and the vivid greenery suggested definitely not Afghanistan. How did she get here? All she could recall was being in the jeep with the crew and now she wasn't. Was this some sort of prisoner torture method? Had she been captured? Were the army testing her? This all felt too real to be some sort of simulation, and she daren't even consider the option of being dead or dumped in a loony bin.
Step four time. Allie decided the best plan of action was to find some form of life, be it friend or stranger. She tried not to think about the prospect finding someone not so friendly. The trees looked decidedly less dense and menacing towards her right, so without further ado and a quick rub of her dog tags, she determinedly headed off, every now and then daring to call one of her crew members' names.
After what had to be a few hours of walking, admiring the wonders of her beautiful surroundings as she went, from the tall trees to the odd bird she didn't know the name of to the lack of old rattling engine sounds and sticky humid air, she heard a noise from the bushes off to her left. Rushing to an annoyingly pathetic defensive cover behind a tree trunk, she held out her gun and waited for whatever it was to appear into the clearing. After about five minutes of silence, Allie couldn't take the tension any longer and aggressively whispered 'Marco,' hoping she hadn't just embarrassed herself in front of an innocent little bunny rabbit.
"Allie?!" A shocked reply came and a blonde-haired soldier walked out of the shadows. She immediately dropped her guard and rushed over to hug her friend, the emotion of seeing a familiar face in such a strange situation nearly overwhelming her.
"Incorrect reply, cap" she gave a small smile which Lukas returned, "do you have any idea what the hell happened? Where the hell we are? What the hell is all this?" Lukas gave a sigh, running a gloved hand through his hair and looking around in shock.
"Hell, I have as much of a clue as you do Allie. Have you seen any of the others? It feels like I've been searching for hours." They spent the next few minutes swapping their stories, Lukas seeming to remember more about how they got there, recalling a giant explosion and something wrong with the jeep before waking up here in a similar situation to Allie's. The presence of another human relieved them both, and if they were in a loony bin or an enemy produced simulation intended to gather intel, at least they were together... unless they were both simulations. Lukas chuckled at Allie's paranoia, as he agreed the best course of action was to try and locate some sort of civilisation or indication of where they were.
In hindsight, Allie kicked herself for allowing them to let their guard down for so long. Their guns were drooped at their sides as they reveled in each other's familiar company. Regardless of the situation you had to have your wits about you. For that brief moment Allie didn't. They failed to hear the rustling in the bushes until it was too late. Lukas suddenly became wide eyed during a debate about which direction to head off in and before Allie knew what was happening he'd shoved her to the side onto the grass of the clearing. She shot up in time to see a giant hairy... thing launching itself at Lukas. She brought up her gun and cleared three shots into the massive hairball as it struggled on top of Lukas on the floor and ended up slumped over his body. After a shaky breath she gave a small chuckle,
"Well that was a close call ey, Lukey boy? Getting killed by a yeti would be an embarrassing way to go." She rolled the thing off Lukas with a grunt and gave a small gasp upon seeing the blood around its fanged mouth and the hole in Lukas' belly. She muttered her own private shit under her breath before putting up a calm, soothing front. "You'll be alright Lukas it's just a scratch, just tell me what to do," she cooed, putting her hand to his cheek and pushing some hair matted with blood away from his face as he struggled to breathe on the floor. She pulled out his medical kit- while they all had basic first aid kits, Lukas role as one of the platoon medics gave him access to more stuff- and stabbed a morphine syringe into his thigh as he grimaced in pain, holding his hands to his torso. His face was paling quickly underneath the streaks of blood. His hand moved up to stop Allie's as she pulled some bandages out to stem the flow of blood. "What is it Lukas? I need to stop the bleeding. Just hold on you'll be fine... let me wrap this round you, just a little bit more pain then you'll be fine. Just keep picturing that cold beer and that sexy wife." She mumbled again, trying to keep a positive tone in her cracking voice.
"Save it... don't waste the bandages. Maybe that's where I'm going" Lukas chuckled and winced in pain. Allie grabbed his hand, trying not to show her desperation.
"What do I do Lukas, tell me how to help you." He grimaced again, his breathing becoming more ragged by the minute.
"Some whisky... would be good." Allie looked away for a minute, still grasping onto his hand, composing herself before turning back to face her friend with a small smile and a nod. Taking her hipflask, she watched Lukas take a gulp before resting his head back down and looking at the sky. Trying to ignore his guts leaking onto the grass, Allie kneeled by her friend as he let out a sigh and his eyes closed.
Before the tears came she planned. First, she would go and stamp whatever that... thing was' head in. Then she would honour Lukas as best she could. Then she would sort his ammo and supplies. And after that she had no ducking idea. Standing up she turned to the animal, which upon closer inspection looked to be a giant deformed wolf and used all her anger and sadness and panic to give it's jaw a swift kick. Its head snapped back and two cold, dead eyes stared at her mockingly.
She was again alone in this messed up situation, only now with a dead friend and even less of an idea of what to do. She fell to her knees again and took a few deep breaths, attempting to compose herself and keep the threatening panic attack at bay. They had been trained for this. Well... not this exactly, but for the unexpected. She took one last look at the animal before pulling out Lukas' poncho- supposedly their camo was 'multi-terrain pattern' but it stuck out like a sore thumb in the dark and dreary trees- and resting it over his body. She took his dog tags and put them in her breast pocket, along with a picture of him and his wife he always showed off, hoping she could return them both his family when she'd found a way out of this crazy situation. She considered his final words, about heading back after he died and took a short look at her gun, considering for a second.. only a second.. what would happen. Would it take her back? What did she have to lose? She shook her head at her own stupidity; there was no logical scenario where death would be the answer. If this was a simulation then she'd be dead, if this was a test she'd be dead and have failed terribly.
After switching all Lukas' spare ammo, first aid supplies, food and socks to her own rug sack, silently thanking him in the process and leaving him a pack of his favourite skittles behind, she stood up and observed her surroundings, pondering her next course of action. Another rustle came from behind her and she dropped and aimed her sight at a nearby bush, hoping more than anything this time it was an actual cute little bunny rabbit. But no. This time it was a stocky bearded man wielding a... sword?
Patrick
Patrick's eyes fluttered open to a tranquil scene of trees and flowers and bir- wait trees?! His eyes swiftly closed again and continued to blink for the next few minutes in confusion. Was he in a dream? Was this in fact reality and Afghanistan the dream? Were they both dreams and he was in Inception or some shit? Trying to think back he remembered the jeep getting stuck. He remembered doing a particularly impressive baton routine and not even getting a laugh for it. He remembered the explosion. Feeling panic swelling up inside him he jumped to his feet and spun around, looking for anything that could possibly help. There right in front of him, watching with a hint of amusement, was a man with a big beard and a pointy hat sat on a wagon led by a particularly large horse. Patrick gave a startled look and dropped to pick his gun off the floor, aiming it nervously at the man who he began to think looked a bit like Dumbledore. He had quite clearly gone mad.
"You have no need to point that strange mechanism at me dear boy, I mean you no harm." The elderly man gave a kindly smile, making Patrick hesitantly drop his gun to the side. He took another look around and again met the gaze of the man in the hat, who was watching him patiently.
"I'm sorry sir," Patrick spoke hesitantly, remembering Allie's emphasis on manners when talking to strangers who didn't look like they were about to murder you. Allie... he quickly thought to his friends, wondering what had happened to them, feeling a pang of worry at the thought of never seeing them again, of spending his days travelling this strange land alone... "but where on earth am I? And who on earth are you?" The man looked at the boy with further interest, shifting his staff from one hand to the other.
"My boy you are about half a day's walk from the Shire, though by the looks of things I feel you will have no knowledge of such a place, or any place in these parts for that matter. And so, I shall say you are just north of the Shire, in the land of Middle Earth. And you may call me Gandalf. Gandalf the Grey." Patrick gave a small cough, even more confused than before.
"So... we're in the middle of Earth Mr. Gandalf the Grey? It's funny but just a few hours ago I was on patrol in Afghanistan with my platoon. I'm in the army you see. I've just woken up here. Never seen this place in my life." He knew he was rambling. He knew he was going against every rule in the book telling this stranger so much information and he knew Allie would probably find out and scold him regardless of where she was. But she also taught him to trust his instincts and his instincts were hanging a flashing green tick over this Gandalf the Grey's head. Upon hearing the word 'army' Gandalf's eyebrows raised.
"You are a warrior my son? Afghanistan, I have never heard of such a place... this is most unusual." He muttered to himself as Patrick stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. After a few minutes of pondering Gandalf suddenly looked up with a smile, "you are to come with me, I am headed to the Shire for what I have no doubt will be a rather large and impressive one hundred and eleventh birthday. You can enjoy the good food and hospitality of the Hobbits, and we can discuss your peculiar situation further... and please my dear...?"
"Patrick"
"Patrick. And please my dear Patrick, it is simply Gandalf." Patrick was stumped as Gandalf held out his hand to help him into the wagon. He halted for a minute while picking up his bag pack, considering whether to reconsider going with this random old man he'd just met to a place he'd never heard of for an impossibly old birthday party. As Gandalf's kind smile reached his twinkly eyes, Patrick gave a mental 'fuck it' and hauled himself into the wagon, only now realising the enormous stash of fireworks behind him, and figuring he'd rather be with a strange guy than with no one at all. If this was a guerrilla trap it was the most inventive one he'd never heard of, or he was a victim of the biggest army wide prank in existence.
"Gandalf, do you have any idea what's going on with me? Why I'm here?" Gandalf looked to Patrick then to the light clouds in the sky.
"Merely an inkling my boy, I feel it must be for something significant for you to appear so suddenly... and at such a time..." Patrick was already getting frustrated at Gandalf's wandering mind and ominous riddles and gave a thought to the rest of his team, wondering where they were and whether they'd found themselves in the same predicament as him. His body rocked with the rhythm of the horse's light trot, as he wondered what on earth a 'Hobbit' was.
Hello, first ever fic here! Just doing this for fun because who doesn't love LotR and Boromir.
I'm trying to make it as different as possible, I like the thought of soldiers in the situation of having to fight but with no experience of weapons/ tactics etc. I'm also wanting to do a mix of the films and books.
Open to constructive criticism, if anything's wrong or you don't like anything I'm happy to hear it!
I have the first few chapters written up already, so hopefully this will be one I actually write more than a chapter of, yay! Thanks :)
