*
Basically only wrote this for a friend who requested it from me. It involves her favorite Taylor Swift song. It's called Haunted and it revolves around Katniss, mainly, and her feelings for Peeta. It is set during Mockingjay.
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
but I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake
Peeta sit's across from me around the camp fire, he still wont look me in the eye. We had an episode earlier that ended with him tied to a tree until he could calm himself down and bury the rage President Snow ignited in him ever since he was High Jacked.
I'm still having such a hard time dealing with all this and I know its not him I should be mad at. But a part of me can't help but be mad at him all at the same time. I was supposed to mean the world to him. How could something The Capitol did turn him against me like this when I meant so much to him? How could I be so erased. I know what he went through and at the same time I don't. I know what they put him up against. But I don't know what its like to be in that position. Maybe if I did, I'd understand more and have no blame for him at all. Only pity.
Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
something's made your eyes go cold
I will make Peeta remember me. Remember us, and everything we shared since the start of the games. Since we were thrown into the arena for the first time together. I'll make him remember every kiss, every embrace. How we made it out alive together because we saved each other. I will not let President Snow win. Not the war and certainty not in taking Peeta away from me.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
Watching Gale restrain Peeta earlier, trying to calm him down, was a nightmare. I know how Gale feels about me and I know how Peeta used to feel about me. So watching two men that I care so much for, beat each other in an attempt to get the upper hand, was painful to watch.
Gale now knows that I've chosen Peeta and he hates both myself and Peeta a little bit for it. He can't understand how I could possibly still want to be with Peeta now that he's changed. He has no belief in the fact that he'll one day come back to me. But I won't give up trying just like I know Peeta is trying to fight his way back to me as well.
I see it, every now and again. In words he says and in his facial expressions.
The one night I spent hours trying to help him remember. Telling him everything I know about him and what he was like so that he has something to grasp onto. Like his favourite colors and how he likes to sleep. When I finally left him to get into my tent for the night, Gale came over for a few minutes to talk. Something he said ended up with me smiling and even laughing a little bit. But when I glanced back at Peeta to wish him goodnight, he was staring at me with such an intense look. And I knew that look all to well. Absolute jealousy. He had watched the whole scene between me and Gale and he was jealous. Which could only mean one thing, he still has feelings buried away for me. Right?
Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead
Gale can't understand and he never will. The kind of bond I've formed with Peeta is unbreakable now. We've spent our whole lives together fighting to stay alive, together. Ever since we were thrown in the arena together that's all its ever been about. Staying alive and staying together. A bond like that, built around so many obstacles and hard times cannot be broken by one more obstacle, one more hard time.
Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
something keeps me holding on to nothing
We used to have that kind of bond, Gale and I. Well, we almost did. We were both drawn together by the need to survive as well. The need to take care of both our families. And maybe, if Prims name wasn't drawn at the reaping, we would have forged and even deeper bond. But I don't want to have room in my life for doubts and 'what if's' .
That's probably one of the reasons why Gale has withdrawn himself from me so much, now that Peeta is back, because he does live with doubt. He probably hates that Peeta has came back into the picture because now the picture seems too crowded.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
I do feel guilty when it comes to Gale and both of our emotions. I'd always be so on the fence when it came to him. Not wanting anything more but not wanting him to have anything more with someone else. Where as with Peeta, he was always so straight forward, so direct when it came to his feelings. It was hard to not lean one way or another with him. When he was so direct, I couldn't help but be as direct back with him. Maybe that's why I know its always been Peeta, always will be Peeta. With him, I jumped all in, hardly second guessed myself at all. So unlike me, but that's just Peeta. He brings me out of my shell, out of my comfort zone. Which gives me all the more reason to break him of the shell he's now trapped in. Just like he freed me of mine.
I know, I know, I just know
You're not gone. You can't be gone. No.
The fire has begun to die and everyone else sitting around it begins to get up and head in the directions of their tents. Soon all that's left is Peeta, Gale and myself.
Gale sits closest to me, with Peeta still sitting on the other side of the fire. Gale stands to leave and he lowers his hand down to mine, offering me his hand to stand. I refuse it, with the excuse that I'm planning on staying awake long enough to see the fire go out completely.
This does not please him, but I'm not in the mood to be pleasant to him. I watch as he stomps off to his tent and then throws himself in it without a backwards glance.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted
After a few minutes of Peeta and myself sitting in complete silence, I decide to move. I figure, if I leave it much longer, he might get up and leave too.
Slowly, I rise and walk around the fire until I am standing directly in front of him. He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes, finally. He doesn't say a word or push me away but I can see his entire body tensing up. I sit down next to him, close enough that our shoulders are touching.
After sitting for some time without a word, Peeta lowers his head and whispers to me about how he's sorry for earlier. My heart breaks slightly at how guilty he sounds and I feel like punching myself for getting angry with him about it earlier. Of course he couldn't help it, of course he's trying to fight it.
Oh
I rest my head against his shoulder and leave it there until I slowly begin to feel his body relax slightly. We do not talk again until the fire dies out completely, but that whole time, my head stays on his shoulder.
When I feel Peeta's body moving beside me, I can tell he is ready to go to his tent but I don't want him to leave. I raise my head from his shoulder and turn to look at his face. He is already looking back at me.
I place my hand on his leg and lean in until I can brush his cheek with my nose. His body begins to tense again but I don't care. I push myself forwards anyways and place my lips on his cheek.
I keep them there for a few minutes until I feel his hand on top of the one I placed on his leg.
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break.
Never thought I'd see it...
"Don't let him take you away from me." I whisper into his cheek while my lips are still pressed against him.
"I don't want him to." Peeta whispers back and he pushes his cheek against my lips more, while intertwining our fingers together.
