Any Minute Now
" There is always reason to keep on living."
He had said that, and he believed it. He did. He really did. Even now. The end of all things was only the beginning. You never knew who was waiting.. just around the corner. He had felt this way before. No. He had felt worse even. He remembered the burning need inside him to destroy something, to see something get torn apart, as some kind of symbol for how he had felt, how his hearts had felt.
He remembered the feeling of having seen too much.. having felt too much.. being too old to bear the universe any longer. .. on the night he met Rose Tyler.
So young she had been. Nineteen years old and so full of life, so human… He had been drawn to her like a moth to light, warmed by her like she was the first bit of sunshine after long cold dark and lonely winter. Rose Tyler. The girl that had seen the world come to an end and asked for chips…
She would be happy now.
He blinked the tears out of his eyes and tried to remember that. She would be happy. And so would he. In some part, in some form he would be the happiest man in the universe.
His throat still burned with the words he had been unable to say. He had wanted to, had wanted to shout them out loud for the worlds to know… But she would have chosen him then, in spite of life the universe and everything. She would have chosen him, and they would have been happy for fifty, maybe 100 years. And then she would have died, and he would have lived on and this feeling of cold and bitter loneliness would have burned more than it did now, his hearts would have been broken beyond repair…
But there was always something to keep living for.
He had lost her before. He had stood here, right here, tears in his eyes, heartsbroken, alone.. the day he had met Donna. Donna, dear, dear Donna. Such a sound she had in her lungs, such incredible willpower… A force of nature the world had never seen. Of course she would be the one to save the whole of Time and Space. As long as she would vote against its ending, it would never happen.
It hurt him to leave her without her knowing what she had done. Without her knowing the universe revolved around her, and all the planets turned to her will. She should know that. She should realize she was worthy of love. She should.
Leaving her behind had made him restless. A story unfinished, a problem unsolved… And her voice in his head " You need someone." He did.
He had found someone. Martha. Different from Rose, different from Donna, and a doctor in her own right. To her too, he had said goodbye twice. He was proud of her, proud of what she had become, and always without his help. She had wanted him, but she had not needed him like the others. Even without him, she'd always been great. Brilliant. Doctor Martha Jones.
She would be alright.
She was more likely to be alright than he was anyway, for she would not be alone. She had a man waiting for her. She would be married.. have a life. A start of something that he had been forced to leave behind.
So long ago.
But there was always a reason to keep on living.
He had felt this way before.
Any minute now, someone would pop up in time or space. Someone would appear into his Tardis, or run into him in the streets. Someone was there, just around the corner, waiting for him to come to the right place, the right time…
There would be a reason to keep on living.
There always was.
Any minute now.
