The Dark Night Of The Soul
The Beginning Chapter
Carrie hates lunch. She hates that every one is enjoying their food. Savoring each bite and gobbling it up like animals, which, to be fair, most of them are. They're mocking me. Carrie thinks. They know I can't eat and they're eating right in front of my face.
She hates that she herself can't eat. She remembers the experience of eating back when she was alive. She misses it. All she can do now is play with her fork and swirl her food all over the tray. She looks back at everyone else, enjoying their food, then she looks at her tray that still has all of the food she bought.
I'm alone in this world. She thinks to herself.
I am the only ghost here, after all. I wouldn't expect anyone to understand what I'm going through.
Then again, I really shouldn't expect them to care. I do this to myself every day.
Again, she looks at everyone enjoying themselves.
I'm both literally and figuratively detached from this world and everybody else.
Whatever, I don't care.
Carrie hears giggling and laughter coming from the other table across from her. Carrie can deal with the inability to eat, she has come to terms to that. She's fine with everyone else eating, just because she can't enjoy something doesn't mean she wants everyone else to suffer like she's suffering right now. She's not like that.
The only thing that Carrie absolutely can't handle is Gumball and Penny. The lovey-dovey couple that can't keep their hands off of each other for a minute. The couple that everyone agrees is the most cutest couple ever. The boyfriend and girlfriend who are planning their whole lives ahead of them, the couple that will love each other till death makes them part.
They began to date the day after they went to Tobias's party, and they became inseparable ever since.
People wouldn't exactly call Carrie and Gumball best friends. In fact, calling them good acquaintances would be stretching the truth a bit. Still, Carrie likes to believe that at the very least, they don't hate each other. She knows she doesn't hate him, but she's unsure how Gumball feels. He's probably never truly forgiven her.
And now, she'll never know for sure because he's way too busy with Penny.
Carrie hates lunch.
She hates that she can't eat. Hates that everyone's so happy while her afterlife is a complete misery. And she hates Penny and...Gumball.
No, of course I don't hate Gumball. He's a good guy.
He let me use his body just so I could eat again. He didn't like that idea, but he let me do it anyways. Nobody else tried to help me out like Gumball did. He's a good guy.
What did Darwin say? That he's always there for a friend? That's true, Gumball is always there. Here in the cafeteria, he's there. In class, he's there. On the bus to and from school, he's there. In my thoughts, he's there too. He's everywhere.
Eww. Why am I thinking about Gumball so much? I have other important matters to think about, like...like...
She hates that she has to make herself feel awful just so she can feel something, anything, at all.
Carrie plays with her food some more. She can spot certain objects she drawn on the mess. Like looking up at the clouds. She sees a star, a rectangle, a heart, a cat...
She runs her fork all over the mess. Getting rid of everything she just saw.
Forget about him.
He has a girlfriend now. He isn't interested in you.
She looks back at the couple again. Gumball is about to kiss Penny on the cheek. Time slows down as Carrie looks on. Gumball's lips inching closer and closer to Penny. It felt like hours to Carrie as she watch. It felt excruciating to watch.
When Gumball finally made it to Penny, Carrie could feel her whole body ache, like she's been shot in the back of the head. She knows what going on with her, it's a feeling that she's very familiar with. However, it feels more stronger than it ever had before. The misery, the pain. It's hurting her.
What the heck is going on here? Ow, since when does this happen? Why do I feel so bad?
She looks back at the couple again. This time, it's Penny that's kissing Gumball.
Ohh, I think I'm starting to feel even worse now. Wait a minute, I don't think this is misery, I think I'm feeling some other type of emotion! Could this be...jealousy? Am I feeling jealous? That's weird, I don't think I've ever felt that before.
It's been a long time since I felt anything besides misery. I must be jealous that Penny's with-
Oh gross, they're kissing again. I'm leaving.
In class, Carrie can't hear what Ms. Simian is saying because of all the thoughts that are cluttering up inside her head.
Why would I be feeling jealous? Do I have a crush on Gumball? Can't be, I barely even hang out with the guy. Cause Penny's always with him. If she was gone, I'd be able to be with him for a longer time. Hmm, maybe if Penny broke up with him, Gumball will feel bad and I can help him out by telling him how to deal with pain. Then we can be friends after he starts to feel better.
Wait, what am I thinking? Why would I want that to happen to them? Right, the jealousy, that's what it does to you.
Maybe I'm not jealous, maybe I have some sort of ghost sickness. A priest probably put a curse on me or something. Maybe sprayed some holy water at me when I wasn't looking. Yeah, it must be something like that. There's no way that I can get of jealous. Especially for Gumball, he's not so great.
Gumball is sitting up in front, with Carrie just behind him. She sees Gumball passing notes to Penny.
You're not so great Gumball, I don't like you. You're just a love sick puppy that would get on my nerves if you even thought about being with me. You're clingy, immature, childish, dumb, fragile and weak.
You love Penny. You treat her so well, you've made her the happiest girl in the world. You're a good person. You love your family and friends. You treat others well and you try to get along with everyone. You're so good-looking too. Your fur is a nice natural blue. That fang of yours that peeks out of your mouth. And your body is pretty great too. I want to touch it.
I wonder what Penny feels when she touches you. She feels your fur, running her fingers through it, enjoying herself. It must be real nice. She feels your whole body, you're so close together that you can feel each others heartbeats beating in your chest. She wraps her arms around you, and you do the same. You can feel the body warmth radiating from each other.
How does it feel to be warm again? How does it feel when someone holds you and you feel warm, inside and out? I've lost that memory so long ago, I wonder how it feels. It must feel nice. It must feel nice coming from Gumball.
Get him out of your mind. Geez, what's up with me today? Since when did I started to have crushes?
Maybe I should take a quick nap, maybe that'll help out whatever's wrong with me.
Carrie rest her head on her desk, with the help of Ms. Simian's jabbering, she quickly falls asleep.
Princess Carrie, in her regal princess garb, is locked up in the dungeon of her own castle. Her feet are shackled. She doesn't have the strength to stand up, so she lies on the floor.
She cries because she knows that this is where she is going to die. She is going to die unnoticed in a dark, sinister dungeon. The only people who will pay attention to her rotting corpse are the hungry rats. Carrie cries because she is alone.
As she has her head on the floor, her body in a fetal position, a light flickers. It burns brightly like fire. Carrie feels its warmth and starts to believe that someone has come to save her. She looks up to see her hero, but there wasn't one.
The light comes from a strange source. It appears to be on the ceiling, the light shines so brightly from it, like a fire. It is a fire, but deathly still. Like it's been frozen in time. Extreme heat radiates it, making Carrie sweat. She can hear it cackling, just like a fire, but it doesn't move. It doesn't move at all.
"Who-What are you?" Carrie asks. She doesn't expect an answer, but she receives one.
"I CONTROL YOU." It says, and says just that with no further explanation.
"W-what? Who are you?"
"I CONTROL YOU."
"What do you want?" Carrie cries. She puts her back up against the wall, trying to be far away from whatever it is as possible.
"YOU HAVE NOTHING."
Carrie starts to cry some more.
"I CONTROL YOU. I CONTROL YOUR LIFE."
"Leave me alone."
"I CREATE AND DESTROY. I AM A BEING THAT CAN BEND REALITY."
"What do you want from me?"
"YOU CAN ONLY FEEL PAIN AND THE HARD COLD FLOOR YOU'RE ON."
"What?"
It didn't speak after that, instead, it starts to speak in angry gibberish. It sounds like a million voices speaking at once. Carrie covers her ears and goes back to the fetal position.
"Stop! Stop it! Stop it!" Carrie could feel the room getting hotter. She could feel her skin burning up and her blood boiling.
This is it. The end. I'm going to die now.
Carrie stops crying, ready to face her early demise. When Carrie lets the heat consumes her, the locked door of the dungeon gets chopped down.
"Carrie!" She hears someone call for her.
The light and heat has magically disappeared. She even feels fine now, as though it was never there. She lifts her head up, and sees Gumball coming through the chopped down door with an ax in his hand.
"Gumball?" She couldn't believe her eyes, Gumball has saved her.
"Carrie! You're still alive!" Gumball runs to Carrie, tears in his eyes and arms wide open. Carrie finds the power in herself to stand up.
She spreads her arms too, wanting to get a hug as well.
Carrie puts her arms around Gumball's waist. His waist bursts into flames. Gumball lets go of Carrie's grip and tries to put out the ring of fire around his waist.
Carrie goes to him, she touches his shoulder, it catches on fire too. Gumball pushes her off. She falls down and watches Gumball burn.
"Don't." He says. "Don't come closer."
"Gumball! No! I'm so sorry..."
The Light, the fire, the heat. It appears again.
"I CONTROL YOU." It says.
Gumball drops his ax to the floor, nearly missing his feet. With the fire consuming his entire body, he drags himself towards the door. He doesn't make it. The flames keep on burning, even when there's nothing left but ashes.
"I CONTROL YOU. YOU. YOU."
Carrie watches the whole thing. Just watches.
She hears a faint yelling coming from somewhere. The yelling gets louder and louder until it sounds like it's coming right inside her head. The yelling is unbearable. She covers up her ears, her fingernails digs into her skin and draws blood. She's in so much pain, it's like she's being split apart. Like her soul is being taken from her body, from this world.
"KILL ME!" Carrie cries. "KILL ME NOW!'
Carrie wakes up, she's back in the class room now.
Everyone is staring at her.
"Are you done with your little episode?" Asks Ms. Simian.
"Umm...what?"
"If you keep distracting the class with all of that screaming, it's detention for you!"
"I was having a bad dream."
"And that's another thing, don't sleep in my classroom! That's very disrespectful."
"Sorry."
"Alright then, as I was saying..." Ms. Simian continues with her lesson.
Oh man, this is so embarrassing. I hope I didn't say anything too private. What the heck was that dream about anyways? It seemed so familiar. Gumball was there, and there was a lot of fire too.
"Psst. Carrie." Gumball whispers to Carrie.
"Yeah Gumball?"
"Is everything ok?"
"Everything's fine."
"We can talk about it if you want."
"...Maybe later Gumball."
"All right, later."
Gumball goes back to paying attention to Ms. Simian.
"Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, 'Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.' Does anyone know what that means?"
"It means to never give up. To continue trying." Answers Bobert.
"Wait until I call for you. That's detention for you."
"Yay. That means I will be able to spend more time with you."
Carrie looks at Gumball.
Never give up.
She hums softly, so that no one can hear her. Not yet.
Wow, that sure is a lot of words. If you managed to read all of this, then congratulations! Your attention span isn't like that of a goldfish! Anyways, this story isn't over yet, we haven't even reached the climax. Stay tuned for the next and final chapter!
