Author: Marie Adama
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Characters of Battlestar Galactica. This just for fun.
Spoiler: Take place during the boxing match of Unfinished Business. And it bases in the promo pics that I saw and some previews.
Author's note: Thanks to AmyThrace for been my beta, thank you very much.
One last Chance
Chapter 1
"Lead me to the light"
Lee was walking towards the gym slowly. Tonight was boxing night, which means that the entire gym will be transformed into a boxing arena crowded with people ready to bet on who will win the next fight. He smiled to himself, tonight was the revenge match between him and Helo and he was determined to win, after all the last time that they had fought he still wasn't in shape, so now he wanted revenge and his honor back. He still could not believe that the only one who had bet in his favor during the previous fight had been Hot Dog.
He had forgotten how much he enjoyed these boxing matches; after all he had spent the last year practically doing nothing. He had forgotten how good it felt to let loose all the pressure throwing punches, instead of sitting in his quarters whining. And he got to thank Helo and his father for that rediscovery. During the last year he and Helo had become close friends; they had met each other before the attacks and served together since he had got back from Caprica, but it was during the last year that they had become true friends. After everyone else left they started to talk to each other, not that they talked much, but he knew that now Helo was the only one he could count on beside his father. He never asked the annoying questions that anyone else would ask but knew what he had went through, maybe because he knew her, maybe because he knew both of them, maybe because he was just Helo.
And that was probably the reason why he had been so upset with him after what had happened to the Cylon prisoners; he knew for sure that Helo had something to do with their deaths and even while he understood the moral dilemma that was implied with the decision his father and the president had made, he knew that Helo's decision was beyond the moral dilemma, it was because he loved Athena. Lee didn't understand how he could love her, but he did and apparently so does she. After all who was him to judge people about who you fall in love with?
And just like that his entire body tensed up, it was as if he was hit by an electrical discharge. Lee stood up still before crossing the hatch that connected the hallway with the officer's quarters with the hallway that lead to the gym. There she was, all wrapped up against Anders, walking clumsily because they couldn't see where they were going, kissing at each other, hands wrapped against each other. Anders opened the hatch that lead towards Kara's quarters and he could hear a loud laugh from Kara when he tripped against the hatch while trying to remove her tank. Then the metallic noise of the Hatch closing and silence surrounded the hallway again.
Lee stood there, fists tight with anger. He was angry with himself, angry because he was still letting her affect him. Why he still, after more than year, felt that his blood boiled every time that he watched her and Anders together, he didn't know. Why he still couldn't erase the words that she had said to him the last time that they had meet in New Caprica, why every time that he heard her voice, all he could hear were those words over and over again, not that they had talk much since she got back, he didn't know. The only time that they had exchanged some words were only because their jobs required them to, he was just a CAG and she was just one of his pilots. And as far she was from him the better.
He shook his head trying to clear his mind, he didn't want to think of her, he had lost last year doing that, now he had a boxing match to deal with and maybe he will win it after all.
When he entered the gym, the place was already crowded and the current fight had just finished and some marines were celebrating. He placed his sports bag on a bench and started to walk towards the ring. There he saw Helo who was next to Sharon, Racetrack and Hot Dog in a corner laughing. Helo caught his glance and looked at him back; Lee just nodded at him and took off the jacket of his duty uniform.
Helo climbed up to the boxing ring with Lee; they looked at each other defiantly, placed the boxing gloves on and they were ready for the fight to start. Helo somehow reminded him of the way that his father fought, always calm, always looking at him and expecting what he was about to do. He looked at Helo scanning him trying to figure out what his next move is(was) going to be, strategizing on what to do next, how he should move to win.
He threw a few punches that hurt Helo, but before he could notice it Helo punched him back strongly on the face and suddenly he was brought back to that day in New Caprica: he could see Kara's smiling face mocking him, right there in the boxing ring and all he wanted to do was hit her, to erase that smile from her face. So he start punching Helo pretending that it was her, but with every punch that he threw at Helo the more desperate he felt, and the more he started to remember that day that he had promised to himself that he would not remember again and it hurt.
He wanted to let it go, to be back in the match and forget about it but every time that Helo punched him he remembered something else from that day, and he finally lost it, he was trapped in memories and all he wanted to do was have the match end, to knock Hello down and just get away from there, but he knew that no matter what he did he just wouldn't be able to let those memories go, to forget her.
All of a sudden he found himself on the floor and everything around him turned black for a second. Finally all the memories went away. The next thing he knew Helo was offering him his hand to help him stand up.
"Are you ok Apollo?" Helo asked once Lee started to stand.
"I'm fine," Lee said coldly and stood up.
"Are you sure Apollo, you weren't too into the fight at the end," Helo said and Lee just looked at him.
"Like I said I'm fine," He said and smiled at him, one of his fabricated smiles that he used when he wanted to pretend that everything was ok.
"Sure," Helo said reading through his smile. "Maybe next time Apollo, all you gotta do is not over think the fight, just let your instinct take over," Helo added and punched Lee in the arm.
"My father always said the same," Lee said dryly.
"The old man is a wise man," Helo said and walked away towards Sharon's direction. She held and kissed him smiling. A few seconds later he was surrounded by raptors pilots who were congratulating him.
Lee stepped down from the ring and stood there still a little affected by Helo's effective knock out.
"What happened Apollo, got your kicked?" He heard her next to him and it was as if he was knocked out again; it was her. She stood next to him at the opposite side of the ring. He tightened his fists and ignored her. He was tempted to go, but something inside him made him stay, if there was someone who shouldn't be there that was her.
Kara looked away from him and concentrated on the current fight, Kat was fighting with a new girl from maintenance and things didn't look good for Kat.
"Oh frak me Kat, punch her! You are not a priest from Geminon, punch her!" Kara yelled to Kat.
Lee entire body tightened as he pretended not to hear her. He placed his arms on the ropes of the ring and started cheering Kat, who was avoiding her opponents fast movements and powerful right hook.
"Come on Kat!" Kara yelled and in that moment Kat effectively punch her opponent in the stomach and made her take a few steps back.
"Finish her, Kat! Come on don't make me lose the money I put on you! For frak's sake punch her," Kara yelled again.
"Why don't you shut up Starbuck," Lee said looking at her by the corner of his eyes.
"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb the CAG," she answered in her typical Starbuck manner without looking at him.
"Shouldn't you be frakking your husband?" he said clenching his teeth.
"I already did that," She said with a triumphant smile.
Lee just looked at her and smiled sarcastically, then lowered his gaze and look at his hand, avoiding her.
"So where's the pet, sorry, wife. Why isn't she here licking your wounds?" she said pointing at Lee's bloody eyebrow.
"Don't you dare talk about Ana," Lee said threateningly.
"Or what? Are you going to spank me?" she said raising an eyebrow.
"I might," He said standing right in front of her.
"Wow, that will be interesting, you trying to kick my ," she said mockingly.
"You think I'm not capable of doing it?" He asked getting closer to her.
"You can try; another thing is that you actually can."
"Right cause you are the all mighty Starbuck, aren't you?"
"Yeah I am."
"I'm not afraid of you Starbuck, and you are not as all mighty as you think."
"Really?" She said and looked at the ring, where the maintenance girl had just knocked out Kat. "So why don't you prove it?" she said and took off her shirt. "Why don't you prove to me that you are not afraid of me Apollo?" she said challenging him, punching him in the shoulder threateningly.
Lee just look at her, he knew how dangerous it was for him to accept her challenge. He knew that she could win and that would be even worse, but he also knew that there was no way that he would turn down that challenge.
"You want a fight Captain? You got it!" He said trying to control his anger but unable to, and he started to climb into the ring.
Once they were ready, they started to walk in circles around each other, looking at each other eyes defiantly while the crowd cheered eachother names.
"Come on Apollo, are you scared?" she asked.
"Of you?" he said with disdain.
"Come on don't be scared I might let you punch me once," she said and winked at him. That gesture was as if someone had started a spark and now there was fire running through his veins. He moved faster and threw a punch that hit her directly over her right cheek, making her take a step back.
"Was that too fast for you Starbuck?" he asked in her same tone of voice. She just smiled at him.
"That's all you got Apollo?" she asked once she was straight on her feet again.
"No, it's not," he answered, and the more she circled him, the angrier he felt.
"Then bring it," she said and moved her arms away from her body challenging him to punch her. "Or did all the R&R time while you where commanding the Pegasus make you all soft?" she said and it only took that for Lee to move forward to her to try to punch her, but she saw his movements and punched him before he could touch her. She punched him hard, right to the stomach first and later to his face.
"I told you, you are no match for Starbuck," she said when she stepped back to catch some air.
"Shut the frak up," Lee said and started to move around her.
"Make me," she said and started throwing punches at him, which he avoided.
"What, all of a sudden you don't talk Starbuck?" he mocked after a couple of minutes of silence, while they both danced around each other throwing and avoiding punches.
"No, I was saving myself for this," she said and hit him on the cheekbone, making him step back.
"You are so transparent Apollo," she laughed and before she could do anything Lee punched her back right in the nose, making it bleed immediately.
"You frakkin…"Kara said and covered her nose.
"What? The all mighty Starbuck bleed?" he asked and started walking around her. "Do you want to get out of it? Was it too much for you?" he added mockingly.
"If you believe that just a punch in the nose is going to stop me, you are so wrong," she said, and started to move closer to him, throwing occasional punches at him.
"Really?"
"Yeah, You see the problem with you Apollo is that you are never going to win me, because I can see right through you and I know how to use that." she said with her typical Starbuck mocking, and it was as if his brain was disconnected from the match. All of a sudden they were back on New Caprica, he was holding her in his arms and she was laughing "What? You think I didn't know that you love me? Of course I knew, you are so transparent Lee. That's why I came to you, because, because I needed to get you out of my system and I knew that you wouldn't say no. As hard as it is, I used you Lee and deep down you always knew it." Her words rang in his mind and all the anger, all the pain, everything came back to him and he lost it, he finally did what everyone always kept telling him to do, he let his instinct take over, he wanted revenge, he wanted to hurt her even if it was in a physical way, he wanted to make her pay for what she had done to him.
Kara looked at him and saw his face change; she knew that she had hurt him again. And that was what she was looking for, she wanted him to be angry with her, she wanted him to hurt her for what she had done to him. She wanted to be hurt, she wanted to feel anything, anything even if it was pain; she had been numb ever since she had gotten back, she was in this limbo. She was totally lost, unable to feel anything but that she was lost and alone. She had just slept with Anders and even then she hadn't feel a thing, she thought that that was what she needed, to feel physical pleasure, but it wasn't.
Before she could even react on instinct Lee was over her punching her, not letting her defend herself; she had never seen Lee like this, he was totally out of control; and only then did she understand how much she had hurt him then, how much she deserved to be punched like he was doing right now.
Lee stopped punching her only to take a step back and look at her, and he saw a half smile on her face as if she was enjoying the feeling of been hit, and that made his anger grow even bigger and before his mind could make a rational thought he found himself punching Kara with all his strength right in the face, making her turn around and fall over the ropes like dead weight.
She slid from the ropes to the floor and the entire gym remained silent, and then everything happened in fast motion to Lee. Gaeta jumped to the ring with the medic kit while Tigh moved closer to Kara to wait for her to react. And he, he just stood there watching what had happened, waiting for her to be okay. What had happened to him? He shouldn't have hit her the way he did, he knew he shouldn't. But he was so anger at her, so hurt, he couldn't help it. She deserved what he had done to her, but he couldn't help but to be worried for her, he couldn't avoid the desire of wanting to go where she was and hold her in his arms and make sure that she was alright. After all that happened between them he couldn't stop feeling the way he felt about her.
Finally he stood closer to her, to check on her, as she slowly took seat while Gaeta handed her an ice pack.
"Take it easy Starbuck," Tigh said helping her to sit.
"I'm fine," she said stubbornly, and tried to fix her gaze; all that she saw was the blurry image of Lee coming closer to her.
"How many fingers do you see Starbuck?" Gaeta asked, showing her two fingers.
"Two fraking fingers, I told you I'm fine," she said and tried to stand up, but she felt dizzy and had to search for support from the ropes of the ring.
"Are you ok?" Lee asked softly when he was close enough.
"I'm frakkin fine, as if you care," she said bitterly.
"You're right I don't care I don't even know why I asked," he said and the anger could be heard in his voice.
"Yeah I don't know why, so why don't you leave me alone."
"Don't worry it will be my pleasure," he said coldly.
"It should be, after all that's what you do better run away."
"Come again?" he said and turned in her direction and looked at her right into the eyes, threatening, but she moved closer to him and faced him.
"You hear me well; running away is your specialty, that's what you do best, you run away. You did with Gianne and you did it with the people who were on New Caprica, you ran away and left all those people behind"
"You crossed the line there Starbuck," Lee said and felt all the anger run through his veins again.
"Did I touch a sensitive spot?" she said defiantly.
"Clear the room," Lee said loudly enough for the people that were around the boxing ring to hear him.
"But Sir…" Gaeta was saying when Lee interrupted him.
"I said clear the room!" he said coldly, without taking his eyes away from Kara's gaze.
"You here the man, clear the room," Tigh replied and started to walk away from them.
Once they were alone Kara arched an eyebrow and looked at him. "What are you going to do now punch me?"
"I already did that." he answered, getting closer to her, saying the last words so close to her that she could feel him breathing.
"What? Are you going to lecture me and then send me to the brig?"
"I might, after all you seem to enjoy spending time in a box. Wasn't that what you did the last 4 month on New Caprica?" He said. And after he finished the sentence he knew he had gone too far.
"You frakking son of …"Kara was saying when she jumped over him and started to punch him on the stomach and the ribs.
"How dare you, you frakking bas….!" She said voice full of anger while she remembered her 4 moths held prisoner by Leoben. "You have no idea of what I went through," Kara felt the despair that she felt while she was prisoner there, the fear, the sense of hopeless, and that made her punch him even harder.
"I was left there, I was alone, no one came, I was alone…alone…you left me," she said and the anger was mixed now with the hurt in her voice and Lee could feel it, the hurt in her voice, the pain she felt hurt him as if his heart was being squeezed and all he could do was hold her.
"It was four months, four months and no one came," she said and she kept punching him, but she had no strength left, all her strength was focused on trying to hold the tears in.
"You should have rescued me, you always rescue me but you never showed up, you left me there, you ran away and I waited every day for you to rescue me," she said and she could no longer hold her tears back and started to sob. She didn't know why she was blaming him for having been Leoben's prisoner, for not rescuing her. She had no right to do that, if someone should have rescued her that should have been Sam, not Lee, not after all she had done to him. But she couldn't help it, because the only one that had always been her rescuer when she was going through her darkest moments had been him, he was the only one she always expected to cross the door of her cell, the only one who she would pray for, every time she looked at the door, to rescue her.
"And he played with my head and I no longer know who I am, I don't know what to do, I can't…" she said but the sobs didn't let her talk and her knees start to tremble.
Lee could feel the tears start to fill his eyes and how she was shaking under his arms. He held her tight, as if with that hug he could show her that he was there, that he would not run away.
"I didn't know…I didn't know," he barely whispered. "If I would have known I would have never left, I would have come back."
"But you didn't, I waited and I waited until I knew that you would never come, until I realized that he had won. He broke me, he broke me." Kara's words were barely articulate between sobs and her legs weren't able to support her weight anymore, and as if she were a rag doll she fell onto her knees to the floor taking Lee with her.
"Kara…" was all that he could say, he just couldn't find the words to finish his sentence. He held her strongly and kissed her hair tenderly.
"He broke me, and now I don't know where I belong, I don't know who I am…he took everything away from he, he…he should have killed me, I'm lost…I have never been more lost than I am now and I don't know what to do, I don't…" she just couldn't talk anymore, the sobs where so strong that her entire body was shaking and so was Lee.
They remained there, holding on to each other in the middle of the boxing ring. Lee had never seen Kara cry this way, just the fact that he was watching her in his arms so fragile, so vulnerable, so lost, it broke his heart so deeply in a way that he thought his heart would never be broken, for that woman who had broken his heart in so many ways. He wished there was something that he could do to comfort her, but he knew there was nothing that he could do, there was nothing that he could say. He should have been there, he should have rescued her, he should have taken care of her.
When Kara stopped crying, she remained in Lee's arms unable to figure out what she should do next; she felt so safe in his arms, she had always felt safe in his arms, she knew that nothing bad could happen to her while she was with him, she knew that in his arms she didn't feel lost…but that wasn't her place to be, she had pushed him away and as safe as she felt in his arms, she knew that it wasn't safe for him, she would hurt him again, she always did.
So she separated from him, avoiding his gaze, and in the moment that she let him go she felt lost again, she felt the despair take over her again.
They remain there sitting on the floor, without looking at each other, without moving; they were just there, side by side, together, until Kara slowly put one hand behind her neck and bent her head a little bit.
"Are you ok?" Lee asked softly.
"My head, I don't think that getting knocked out and then crying my lungs out is a good combination," she said quietly. They remained in silence again until Lee couldn't help it any more, and started to laugh. It only took Kara a second and she was laughing with him; they were laughing the way they hadn't laughed in more than a year, they were just them, Kara and Lee, like the old times, laughing about a thing that no one else would understand.
"I'm sorry it's just that…" Lee was trying to articulate and then started to laugh again. "It's just I never imagined that you could use those words in the same sentence, especially not when talking about yourself."
"Hey, I was punched ok, I lost consciousness for a while. This could be the frakking result of a concussion," she said between laughs. "My brain is not functioning very well."
"I thought that we agreed a long time ago that you didn't have a brain."
"Right," she said and looked at him as if she agreed with what he had said to only punch him in the ribs a second later.
"Hey watch the ribs; I believe that you actually broke one."
"Ha! You are such a whiny baby," she teased him.
"Do you realize that people outside are thinking that only one of us is going to leave this room alive?"
"I know," she said and gave him an evil grin. "How much longer do you think we should make them wait until they start to really get worried?"
"Kara!" Lee said and shook his head.
"Come on! It will be fun. I'm almost sure that someone already dragged Cottle here."
"Now if you put it that way... it's always fun to make him angry."
"See, that's the spirit," she said and slapped him softly on the back.
"You're crazy," he said, rolling his eyes.
"I know, thanks, everyone has a skill," she said and winked at him and they both started to laugh again.
When they stopped laughing Kara went for the ice pack that Gaeta had given her earlier, placing it where Lee had punched her.
"It really hurts uh?" he asked feeling guilty.
"A little bit but I'll be fine," she said carelessly.
"I know," he said smiling to her.
"I guess" she said and shrank her shoulders, looking to the ground again.
"Hey," Lee said and moved forward to her and put one of his hands over the hand she had placed over the ice pack. "You'll be fine, I'll make sure of that," he said looking at her deeply in the eyes. Why he was making her this promise he didn't know, he just had to.
Kara looked at him back and let herself get lost in his piercing blue eyes; she wanted so much to hold him, to feel safe again in his arms. But she couldn't, it just wasn't right for so many reason. So she just smiled at him, knowing that he will keep his promise, he will take care of her as he always did. Knowing that she didn't deserves it.
"I think we should get going, people must be worried outside," Kara finally said and stood up.
"Sure," Lee said and tried to stand up but stopped in the middle of it.
"You ok?" she asked looking at him with concern.
"I really think that you broke a rib," he said when he finally stood up and placed one hand on his ribs.
"You're such a baby," she complained trying to hide her concern.
"I'm not the one with the ice pack on my face," he said raising an eyebrow and they both started to laugh again.
"We do have a twisted way to fix our problems don't we?" Kara said and looked at him.
"Yes we do," Lee said and picked up is bag. "But I wouldn't want it any other way."
"Neither would I," she said, and stood in front of the gym hatch.
"Should we?" He asked before opening the door. Kara touched his hand to stopping him from open the hatch.
"Thanks," she said almost in whisper. Lee looked at her knowing that there was something else behind that simple thanks but he just wasn't ready to deal with that yet, so he pretended that he hadn't understood her.
"For punching you? My pleasure," he answered her teasingly and they laughed. Finally Lee opened the hatch and everyone who was on the gym earlier was crowded outside. As soon as the hatch opened they remained in silence and the surprise in their face was too obvious when they saw Lee and Kara laughing together.
"Kara are you ok?" the voice of Anders sounded from the middle of the crowd and suddenly he was next to Kara taking her face in his hands. "Kara, frakking gods look at your face, you are bleeding."
"I'm fine," Kara said and moved away from him.
"Did he do this to you?" Sam said and looked at Lee who was starting to get away. "Hey! Did you this to her?" Anders yelled at Lee, Lee turned into his direction annoyed.
"Sam," Kara said and grabbed him strongly by the arm.
"Kara look what he did to you," Anders said with a mixture of anger and surprise.
"We were boxing and I don't need your protection, I can take of myself pretty well," Kara said and started to walk away from him. "For frak sake I'm not a child any more," she mumbles when she passed next to Lee, disappearing in the hallways.
Lee watched her disappear and then started to walk in the opposite direction, toward his quarters. He wanted to turn, to check up on her, but he didn't. It wasn't like he had forgotten her for what she did to him on New Caprica, it was just that he didn't hate her anymore. And that somehow brought such a relief to him.
He never will stop being surprised by how this woman made him went from one emotion to the exact opposite, he just didn't know, but she always did it. He had entered the gym hating her and now he could not shake this desire to protect her, to be there for her. He had never imagined that it was him who she was waiting for to rescue her while she was a Cylon prisoner, but then again he always rescued her. If only he had known, if only he had been there to protect her, to save her from being held prisoner…if only things had been different that night on New Caprica…
His mind was filled with thoughts, with emotions, with confusion but there was one thing clear to him, it didn't matter how much he tried to disguise his feelings, there was only one clear thing in his life and that was that no matter what he will always love Kara, his hate towards her was just to disguise his love for her, but they will never be together…it just wasn't their destiny.
Kara entered her quarters and threw herself into her rack. She turned to face the wall and curled up. She didn't feel that lost again, now she felt guilty. Guilty because inevitably she had drug Lee near to her again, and she didn't deserve that. It's just that she needed him so much; it was different when she was on New Caprica and he was on Pegasus, she never saw him then. Now, seeing him everyday and being that close and yet so far, it was just killing her. And she knew she was being selfish, she knew that he was better without her, he was fine with Dualla, she was the right kind of girl for him. Not her, she had always known that, that's why she had never allowed herself to admit what she felt for him.
Until that night on New Caprica, until that night when for the first time in her life she felt truly complete and happy, when she finally admitted that Lee Adama was the man that she had always loved, the only one that she could ever love and she loved him so much… so much that she had to let him go.
She will hurt him, she will end up destroying everything that was good between them, she will end up destroying him. And she loved him so much that she just couldn't let that happen. Maybe if he didn't love her back things would have been easier, but he loved her back and it was going to be his death sentence. No, she couldn't let that happen, so she broke his heart then, before things went deeper, before she just couldn't drive him away. She had broken his heart and made sure that he would not come back for her, because if he did she wouldn't be able to say no.
She had turned the happiest day of her life into the saddest one, and she didn't regret it. She had saved him.
"Kara!!!!"
Lee wake up from a jump in his bed, all covered in sweat. It was his own voice screaming her name what woke him up. He could still feel his heart beating fast and the fear and sadness that filled his heart, the despair that he felt was so strong that it was physically hurting him. It took him several moments to realize that it has been a dream.
"Are you ok?" he heard the voice of Dualla next to him; she placed one of her hands on his back.
"Yes, I just had a nightmare," he said avoiding her and stood up.
"A nightmare about her?" she asked, the last words fill with distrust.
"It was just a nightmare," Lee said and entered the bathroom to wash his face.
The last time that he had a nightmare like this one, a nightmare that was so vivid that he still felt the goose bumps run along his spine it has been the night before Zack's death. He had woken up that night with this same feeling running through his body, but unable to realize what it was until that afternoon, when the phone of his quarters had rung. He didn't have to answer the phone he already knew that Zack was dead. Lee shook his head, it was just a silly dream, just that, he said to himself but he couldn't shake the feeling away.
Suddenly the phone rang and he leave the bathroom.
"It's for you," Dualla said and handed him the phone.
"Adama," he said.
"Son, we found it, we found a planet that has the water that we were searching for, scramble a team you are going down to supervise security," Adama said. Lee remained in silence for a while. "Did you hear me, Lee?" Adama asked.
"Yes, I hear you. I'll be in CIC in a half our for the details," he said quietly.
"Fine," Adama said and hung up.
"What happened?" Dualla asked once he hung up the phone.
"We found water," Lee said and started to get dress.
To be continued….
I hope you have enjoy this fic, I'll be waiting for reviews
