Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters or the concept or the story or the plot or the theme or the spells or anything.
Dear Diary,
Prepare to die. If you make me angry, do not expect to ever see the light of day again.
I am Lord Voldemort, master of all evil. I am the Dark Lord, the Vanquisher of Light, and the Murderer of Many. And you're not. So there.
Yesterday I heard a prophecy. I wasn't really listening. I'm kind of ADHD. Snape told me about the prophecy, but I was eating an apple. What can I say? It was delicious. All I heard was something about vanquishing the Dark Lord. Vanquish ME? Ridiculous! I told Snape to kill the person this prophecy was about, but he said he didn't know who it was. I wanted to kill him, but my mouth was full of apple and when I tried to curse him, it came out more like "Alfalfa Kadalfa" and he just ended up with a greenish tinge to his skin and purple flowers bursting out of his nose.
After he overcame the initial shock of having turned into a kind of crossbreed between a human and plant, I made him tell me the prophecy again, since I was done with my apple. He repeated it, and I understood it this time even though his voice sounded funny because of the flowers.
I thought about the prophecy and remembered meeting some guy named James Potty or something. He was married to this lady named Lily Potty, and they'd had a baby named Harry Potty in July. He kind of matched the prophecy! I decided to kill him.
Diary, I'll write to you later, because a Death Eater just sneezed outside of my door, and he probably got germs everywhere so I'd better kill him fast for contaminating my air.
Evilly,
LORD VOLDEMORT
Author's note: Like it? Hate it? Reviews please! I'll add another chapter soon but I'm kind of doing multiple fanfics at onceā¦I'll try.
