This story is close to my heart so tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: I Don't own Twilight but I am an actress and like to pretend
Chapter 1: Depression Hurts
I sat on my bed watching, as my digital clock seemed permanently stuck on 2:37AM, shining the bright red numbers through my dark room. On the outside, I most likely looked calm or in a daze of sorts with my brown hair, cascading down my back, framing my pale face and vacant brown eyes. If only people saw the raging turmoil going on inside my head. Finally, the clock changed to 2:38, but thoughts kept on the downward spiral they were headed. I tried to blink the exhaustion out of my eyes only to release tears I did not know I had been suppressing.
Ever since I could remember, I have battled against depression and anxiety, though I hid it well. I was after all an actor and put my gift to deceive others to the test on a near daily basis. I tried to deal with all of this alone, I was too afraid to let anyone close enough to help me, I knew much better than that. I found suppressing what I was feeling and putting on a happy façade to be my best coping method; however, as I gave a report on assisted suicide everything I had been battling to hold up came crashing down in one swift movement and left my standing in the rubble without anyone or anything to fix the mess I had created.
People thought I was starved for attention (they never told me this but I knew they thought it) but that was not the case at all. I wanted someone to care, but I have lived without before and can do that again if I need to.
My goal was to find someone that could see through the act I put on daily and into my soul, but that also scared the crap out of me. That would be like handing someone the detonator to my heart and I am not sure I could fix that.
I once again focus on the clock, since it is the only thing that keeps me somewhat tied to this planet and, note that it is 2:53. I lay my head on the pillow and let the nightmares take over me.
It has been nearly the same every night. A ghost soars up and down my street, her long wispy black hair flows all the way down her the back of her white dress to her knees. Her skin reminds me of the lamps they sale at Wal-Mart that look like someone broke it and then glued it together. As she soars through the sky, more people join her flight and start singing
Nobody left
You are on your own
The worst theft
I commit
I steal your heart
And watch your fit
Your fears come true
And tears fall
What can you do
Then those that have joined the song face me and reveal the faces of Charlie, my father, Renee, my mother, Rose, My best friend, and Emmett, my pseudo brother.
I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
I bolt upright in my bed drenched in sweat with my hair looking like a haystack. My alarm keeps singing as I run a hand through my messed up hair repeating: It was just a dream, Bella, just another dream.
I stand up, turn my alarm off, and walk down the hall to my bathroom. I glance at my reflection and flinch, the bags under my eyes have gotten worse and my face is even paler. Rose is going to kill me when she sees me like this and Emmett will threaten to come over to my house and wait until I am asleep. I sigh as I grab my darker foundation and get ready for another day in the life of Isabella Swan
************************************~~~~************************************
When I finished getting ready, I went down stairs and saw that Charlie had already left for work. I lived with Charlie my father in the small town of Forks, Washington. My dad worked as the chief of police for the Forks unit and worked hours that would vary from day to day and would often leave before me in the mornings and get home sometime before the next day began.
I went straight to the pantry and grabbed a bag of strawberry pop tarts. I did not bother toasting them, I just grabbed my keys from the island and ran out to my beat up red truck that I loved and drove the five minutes it took to get to Forks High School. Forks High's mascot was the Spartan and all the teachers constantly recited the romanticized story of the battle for Sparta which held little to no truth and told us to live like Spartans; self denying, determined, and something else. Forks even had their own 300 club that if you were seen doing these things then you received membership into this club. The irony in was the school only consisting of 300 students.
When I got to school, I went to find Rose and Emmett. I found them under the usual tree we hid under until school started, since all the doors were locked. Rosalie Hale and Emmet McCarty had been dating since sophomore year, which was only last year. The three of us had been friends for as long as I can remember. They helped me cope with the divorce of my parents and my mom moving to Phoenix, Arizona. I couldn't have asked for better friends then them; although, sometimes I felt like the third wheel now that they were a couple.
"Bella!" Rose called waving to me with the hand that was not holding Emmett's.
I walked over to them and joined them on the dry ground glad to finally be out of the rain that was an almost constant here in Forks Washington.
"Hey guys what's up!" I said immediately slipping into my façade.
"Did you hear about the new kids?" Boomed Emmett. Emmett was a bear of a man. He stood at the height of 6'5" exactly 1'2" taller than my 5'3" height. He had short brown curly hair and a round face. His eyes were almost teal and danced with humor. He had the build of a football player which was funny considering he played soccer. Emmett had been on the varsity soccer team since freshmen year since he wasn't only extremely big and strong, he was also fast and good with a soccer ball. Rose stood at 5"10' tall with beautiful wavy blonde hair. She had striking blue eyes and the perfect body. I always felt so plain next to them and the talk of new kids coming here made me feel even more insecure, but I wouldn't let that show.
"No. Kids? As in plural?" I asked.
"Yup," Rose said popping her 'p'.
"Twins. A boy and a girl. I don't know their names."
"Hmm. Today should be interesting. Do you know why they moved here?" I didn't understand why anyone would move here. Forks was not the place you go when you move.
"The father is a doctor supposedly and heard about an opening there. They people are so excited they are already have a parking spot reserved for him (AN: In Forks community Hospital they actually do have a reserved spot for Dr. Cullen. Don't believe me….com/files/upl1/37/370775/46_). I find that funny." Just as Emmett said this the bell rang summoning school was about to start. The three of us groaned as we stood up. I walked to the building that held my 1st period class. I let my mind wander back to where it had been before. I was not paying attention when I slipped on the slippery pavement. Just as I was about to fall I felt a pair of strong-arms wrap around my waist breaking my fall. The arms stood me upright again and I turned to face my rescuer. I gasped as I faced the most glorious boy, man, titan, Greek god whatever. As his sharp green eyes met my dull ugly brown ones all of my insecurities rushed to the surface and almost tore through my well constructed façade, but something in my eyes told me he saw right into my soul.
