I do not own Pretty Little Liars or any of the characters affiliated with the series all rights belong to ABC family
It was a bad day she knew she would have them, days when she felt massive and wouldn't want to eat anything her mother put in front of her, on these days it was harder to pretend she was normal harder to pretend that she wasn't jealous of her best friends who were all incredibly skinny and seemed to eat whatever they wanted. Some days she wanted nothing more to breakdown to Spencer and tell her everything that was going on in her life but just when she felt close to doing that Spencer would have her own problems and Hanna would yet again push the idea out of her mind promising she will tell her another day, promising she would find a better time as if there was a good time to admit how she got so skinny so quickly.
She sometimes wonders what A has on the other 2 she knows it must be something big or they would have told her, Spencer and her had always had this connection they were always closer to each other then they were with the rest of the group Spencer never cared when she ate heaps and she still loved her even when she was 40 pounds heavier, when Spencer told her what had been in the texts from A admitting every little problem in her life she had been so ashamed that she was lying to her best friend that she wasn't telling her what A had against her.
She looked down at the salad in front of her and she didn't want it she wanted fatty foods , she wanted cookies she ran to the cabinet and grabbed her favourite food chocolate Oreo's, she shoved them in her mouth promising herself that this time she would keep them down that a couple of cookies wouldn't make her gain weight. When she looked in the mirror in her kitchen she knew it sounded stupid but her face looked fatter and she swore she had a double chin she hated it she hated being fat she just wanted to be skinny like Spencer and Aria and Emily , she ran into the bathroom and did what she swore she wouldn't do but her body was used to it by now it didn't take much for her to purge everything up after a couple of minutes of retching she stood up and stared at herself into the mirror and sighed her reflection was back to normal but the sting in her throat made her want to cry.
She felt the tears building up in her eyes and bit her lip trying to fight it she didn't want to feel weak she just wanted to be the same as she used to be she might have been chubby but she was sure as hell happier then. She dialled Spencer's number as the tears fell down her cheeks.
"Oh my god Han you would not believe the day I've had 3 messages from A and Melissa's wedding dress arrived and her and mum have gone back into hating me mode" Spencer babbled on the other end of the phone.
Hanna sat down on the tiles of the bathroom and wiped her cheeks obviously it was not a good time she would just have to tell her another day.
"Han you there?" Spencer's words snapped her out of her thoughts
"Yeah I am just really bored just calling to see if you wanted to do something but you're obviously busy so I will see you tomorrow"
Hanna smiled adding to the facade even though Spencer couldn't see it Hanna could and it made her feel a little less like she was lying to Spencer
"K see you tomorrow I have to get back to sucking up and hoping Melissa doesn't kill me in my sleep"
Hanna faked a laugh as Spencer hung up the phone; she picked herself up from the floor looked in the mirror and cleaned up her makeup.
She would tell Spencer tomorrow, surely tomorrow would be a better time... she didn't want to make spencers life any more stressful tomorrow would definitely be the day.
