Hi…I literally have a whole day to do nothing and rather than doing that (since I don't really have the draft of the story I`m currently doing) I decided I should write another yet again one of my ridiculous attempts in a One-Shot. So, don`t expect much from it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin in any sane or non weird way.

This is not going to be a slash story but you could take it as one if you like or see it from well, that point of view… I just want to know how it feels like to write non slash or well anything without an attempt in romance added in it.

This, this is what it all had come down to… he felt nothing as another trace of blood crossed his skin. He had hoped it would make him forget all the pain inside but it still did`t help. Another hopeless attempt in feeling better. He still tried because there were times when his body was kind enough to make him feel but; not his time.

Merlin looked up from his wrist at the sunset from his window as he sighed. The only thing that seemed to make him calm down was the sound of the waves in the sea. He had hoped it was all a bad dream and that he did`t have to go but reality was always cruel…the only place that made him feel sane and he had to leave it behind.

Merlin did not turn around at the sound of footsteps. "Come on lad. Time waits for no-one." Gaius took one of Merlin's bags to get it to the car. "I`ll wait for you in the car." He said and as he heard the footsteps fade away he felt a tear go down his cheek.

Merlin went down the hall and to the left he turned as he slowly picked through the crack in the door. There were no lights on in the room all pitch black. But he still felt someone move inside. "Bye father…" He said low and weary and before he had a chance at closing the door again a cry in frustration was heard after a crystal bottle was thrown at the door force enough to shut it. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" Those words made his chest hurt a bit but he had heard them so many times already; that he tried not to think much about it.

It had been a slow and silent ride to Gaius house. Through the whole way there Gaius tried not to make obvious stares of pity at Merlin but, no matter how much he tried Merlin felt the stare pierce trough his skin.

His wrists Gaius didn`t know about that no-one did not that he had anyone to tell them about to as he had no friends. But he made note to hide them. It was already bad as it was with the stares of pity from people that knew him gave him. It was better this way no-one knew him in Camelot or in the school he was going to.

He didn`t want people to pity him.

All the scars he did nothing to have where hidden under his clothes and the ones on his neck where hidden under that neckerchief the others made fun of at school. Even those people had looked at him in the eye when it happened in pity. The one thing they did not know was that he was the reason that his mother was dead. If he never had been born the way he had been then maybe things would have been different; just maybe.

"We are here." Said Gaius as he parked the car in front of an average sized house. Too big for one person but happy it would be just the two of them he would have his own room and he could be alone whenever he felt like it. "Thanks." He murmured and took of his seat belt.

"Get washed up and settle down in your room tomorrow you start school." Gaius replied.

He felt a pang of nostalgia wash over him as he entered the house.

He had come here before in vacation twice. Once when he was 7 and last year. His room was in the second floor the last room at the end of the hallway a weird place for a door but he liked it; like it was expecting him to come.

He went up the stairs and opened the door.

He laughed at the memories it brought. On one of his first nights there he had sleep walked. Gaius told him he had hear something in the hall and when he opened the door to check he had seen some pale figure open the last room in the hall and he slammed the door shot swearing he had just witnessed a ghost to the just find out it had been Merlin sleep walking on the third night there. It had cost him a heart attack but he had found out it had been him and not that his house was infected by roaming souls.

Suicide Merlin had never tough of it. He had self harmed when things got real tough but he had never even considered suicide. To be honest it scared him. What if when he died he didn't go to heaven or hell but just stayed roaming around like a lost soul with no purpose. He was scared of ghosts like any other but it sacred him even more the tough of becoming one.

The next day when he finally woke up after a restless night he took whatever cloth covered his body and arms most. He felt like a coward, hiding who he was but, the stares he would get would be even worse.

When he entered the classroom he sat down beside a dark skinned kind looking girl. She had presented herself as Gwen and she had talked to him a bit. In reality it had been more a monologue with just him nodding and smiling at her she had been real nice but he really didn`t wanted to be close to anyone right now so when she asked him to take lunch with her and Freya he had declined the offer telling her he wasn`t feeling well and wasn`t hungry.

He had found out there was a roof in the school and even though he wasn`t supposed to be there, there wasn`t anyone seeing or checking wherever someone went up or not and so when the bell rang he bought lunch and climbed up the stairs to the roof. When he opened the door wind went through his face and a sense of calmness overcame him. He suddenly felt sleepy closing the door behind him he sat down and placed his things round him and started to eat the food he had bought.

On his second day Gwen offered him to buy him lunch but he kindly declined again going again to the roof top but this time when he closed the door behind him he wasn`t the only one there. A blonde haired guy was leaning on the edge of the building looking down. For the first few minutes he just ignored him and went to sat down like the day before but after 5 minutes had passed by the blond leaned a bit more and a bit more and a bit more until one of his shoes wasn`t touching the ground anymore.

"No!"Merlin acted on instinct the next thing he knew he had rushed over the blond and pulled him backwards and they both fell flat on their backs. "What the…" The blond turned and glared at Merlin. "Do you make that a habit?!" The blond growled at him. "What?" Merlin asked confused heart still beating fast on his chest.

"Scaring the hell out of people!"The blond one spat out. "No. But is not every day I see someone trying to end their life. And trust me it felt nothing like heaven either."

"Why do you care?" The blond frowned and stood up. "That doesn't matter; I care for whatever the hell I want to. You can`t just throw your life away like that! Think about those that would miss you and cry for you!" Merlin glared at him standing up too.

"He doesn't care…and the other`s let them grief my death!" Arthur spat back the last part. "And then what?" Merlin Asked. "After you die they will just move one. The world will not stop because you died you know. You are alive embrace it and to hell with those that don`t like it."

The blonde stood there for a moment in silence staring at Merlin and then said. "There`s something about you…that I can`t quite put my finger on…"