Rachel is bouncing on her toes, practically skipping her way towards the auditorium. It's just after four thirty and the Cheerios should be long gone by now, as well as the football players. Which gives her the opportunity to climb the steps to the stage and spend an hour or so honing her craft in her second home.
But as she nears the heavy oak double doors she can hear the clear tones of a saxophone through it, with a trumpet following. The melody is smooth and jazzy and it reminds her of the kind of music her daddy puts on before he makes her dad put his work away and dance with him. In fact, she's sure she recognizes it as one of Sade's many songs.
Slowly, Rachel pushes open the right side door and slips in after it, her gaze following the sound of the opening lyrics to the song being sung by the last person she expected to be up on that stage. Santana Lopez sits on a wooden stool at center stage, singing with her eyes closed, microphone stand lowered in front of her. Her voice flows from her lips softer, smoother, and huskier than Rachel has ever heard it, and it draws her further in until she's sitting down in the first seat of the first row, setting her things in the next seat over.
"This may come, this may come as some surprise...but I miss you. I can see through, all of your lies, but still I miss you."
Right, she remembers the song now. Is It A Crime...right. Santana continues to sing the song, switching all pronouns to better fit her situation, Rachel guesses. When the track calls for it her voice fills the space around them, giving the only member of the audience chills and causing goosebumps to rise on her skin.
As the song nears it's end, Rachel starts to wonder if this is the song the taller girl intends to sing for the nationals solo audition with Jessie and Mr. Shue. And, if so whether she herself should perhaps do her part in helping Santana share her talent with the world. She grabs her things and stands, quietly sneaking out of the side entrance.
As much as was looking forward to singing a solo on any stage in New York, Rachel knows she'll have that in the future. Today though, perhaps it's high time she be a true captain and help showcase one of the immensely talented stars the new directions has in abundance.
Quickly opening her eyes, Santana hops down from her stool, she's sure she heard a door open, or shut, or something. She looks around but doesn't see anyone, so she grabs her phone and speaker off the piano and hops off the stage and walks to where her stuff is on the second row floor. She grabs her bag and her sheet music then looks down again, there's a folder under the first row seat so she reaches down and grabs it, flipping it open to get a look at what's inside. Barbra Streisand sheet music? She knew she heard a door. Berry, of course. She wasn't going to change her music just because Berry got a sneak peek.
In fact, she'd return the sheet music, make it look like she wasn't worried at all. Berry probably went to the choir room to practice, and she was probably looking for her music already. Santana slung her backpack over her shoulder and stalked out of the auditorium, forcing a nonchalant mask over her features and pulling her lip out from between her teeth. She went around a few corners and then smacked the choir room door open, hearing Rachel squeak when it slammed against the wall behind it.
"Sup, Hobbs. Think you might've forgotten something when you fled the crime scene? This horrible excuse for music is yours." Rachel turned from where she'd been searching through her bag and reached to take her sheet music, but Santana pulled it back, stepping into the diva's personal space.
"If you think knowing what I was going to perform is gonna help you win yet another solo you're sorely mistaken, Berry. I deserve this and I'm gonna have it." She handed off the folder and went to cross her arms over her chest but let them fall. Britt told her once that doing that meant you were most likely insecure and/or on the defensive.
"Santana...that wasn't my intention. I was here to practice, that's all. I didn't expect anyone to be there, it's why I was here so late. The sport practices are long done by this time so I thought all the Cheerios and jocks would be gone and I could get a few performances in relative peace and safety. But then I heard you and I couldn't not listen...I mean I am Rachel Berry. Music is like my drug. Not that I endorse drug use. I surely don't. Your performance was almost entirely flawless, Santana, I wouldn't be me if I didn't listen."
Honestly Santana wasn't sure how she survived through that whole diatribe, but she had, and she'd listened.
"What the hell do you mean 'almost' hobbit. You know how many hours I put into that shit?" A lot. It had felt like a part-time job, really. And she couldn't help wondering if this was how much time Berry spent on honing her talent. What with her always saying she had dance, voice, and acting classes all week, not to mention the time she spent working on it by herself. And you know...maybe, just maybe, she was starting to see that of all of them, Rachel did deserve solos, because she worked the hardest. Just not all of them, for god's sake.
"I said almost because I believe the song requires a live band to have the same impact that Sade's original does. Many of her songs have that lounge singer feel, Is It A Crime included. So I think live band, perhaps vintage lounge singer black dress, and Bradley at the piano...all of that would be a fantastic touch. Not that I'm trying to micro mange your performance at all. I've just been thinking about it since I left the auditorium." Rachel finished, voice so low it was almost a whisper as she admitted to thinking about the taller girl's performance. Santana had to admit she was right. You know...to herself.
"Yeah...okay. I'll uh...take what you've said under consideration or whatever. But I doubt it's gonna matter. Jesse St. Dickhead is probably just gonna choose you anyway. That asshole is still totally in love with you. He chose a hell of a way to show it though, seriously. Like...option one ' take girl to Broadway show, give her lilacs. ' Option two ' assault girl with something she doesn't even eat. ' Like honestly Is that not the stupidest thing you've ever heard of?"
Seriously? Since when is Santana allowing herself to have decent conversations with Rachel Berry of all people? Then again, it's not like she has anyone else to talk to besides her five year old brother. And as much as she loves him, (and god, does she) she can only talk about Wild Kratz and random animals so much.
"How did you know I like lilacs?" Rachel tilted her head, her nose scrunched up, and that admittedly cute pout of hers took over her lips.
"You mentioned it before, Tiny. I don't ever really forget shit."
"Hmm. I don't recall when I may have done that."
"It was a long time ago. We were nine. It was spring, and school was going to let out in less than a week, so Ms. Riley let us have class outside and she asked us what our favorite part of spring was. Everyone just said being close to getting out of school. You said the lilac blooms in your daddy's garden." Rachel's smile spread over her cheeks and that dimple on her right cheek showed itself.
"Oh! I remember now. You said you loved the blooming trees down main street. Wow...much simpler days. I wonder if...if I knew then what I know now, how different things would be." The smile fell from her lips and pure melancholy took over her features. Santana tried to catch her eyes for reasons she wasn't sure of herself. You know, beyond the sometimes crippling guilt she felt.
"Look, tiny...I'm s-" Rachel turned and caught her eyes immediately, a fire she only ever saw when it involved performing lit under the clear glass like mahogany of her eyes.
"Don't." Is all that fell from the star's lips, and it shut the Latina down for a moment. Fuck, and all of this because of her fear. She'd felt justified until she saw through that tiny crack in Rachel's usually impenetrable smile.
"But...shit Tiny. I am. I don't have to tell you why I've done this. Fuck, though. Damn near everyone knows, Britt's off riding Steven Fucking Hawking, and I don't know what the hell to do about Q and her regression. Fucking feels like none of it was worth it."
"Please. I said don't. Let's just get back on topic, thank you."
"Topic?" Rachel turned away but nodded, picking up her phone and setting one of her ear buds into her right ear.
"You don't have to concern yourself with Jesse's inevitable behavior. I'm dropping out of the running for the solo so that isn't a concern. Mer-"
"What?!"
"Mercedes...will do what she always does which isn't what we need, and Jesse will see that as well. And though she's highly talented, your voice is more powerful than Tina's. You'll win with this song, though you'll have to start work on something different for nationals itself. You should start on that immediately. I have a list of suggestions for you, and I should have a few more now that I know you can make your voice fit a Sade song so well. I'll have them for you tomorrow morning."
Santana just watched her turn her back again, her jaw hanging open. God what had she done in the last hour to break the tiny girl in front of her? She liked the old Rachel Berry. The sometimes obnoxious but always adorable Berry who wouldn't volunteer to give up a solo if the world was ending around her. The one who would help foolish Latinas who'd spent the last two and a half years picking all her insecurities and attacking them. Who'd been the only one to talk to and play with her when they were in elementary and she'd just began to fluently speak English. Who'd been her first crush as a first grader. Who she'd brought flowers she'd picked from the garden next to the school.
"Rachel...I'm so fucking sorry, bear." Santana gently lay her hand at the small of the shorter girl's back, stepping forward to be closer and then slipping her arms around the slim waist in front of her. She hugged tight and buried her nose in Rachel's raspberry scented hair. Dios, this is not what she thought she'd be doing today. But it was high time for her to beg to get her oldest friend back. She needed her just as much as she always had. And it didn't take a genius to know that Rachel needed her too. She hugged tighter and it felt like...like home. The Latina felt the first tears falling from her eyes. The knot in her throat tearing the first choked sob from her lips.
"Can you please just go, Santana? I...I promised myself I'd never cry in front of you. So I need some...privacy." Reluctantly, the taller girl let go and stepped back, grabbing her bag up and turning around to leave.
"I'm not giving up. I'll grovel even if I don't have to, Rae Bear. And you don't have to be afraid of me anymore. I promise I'll be the girl you knew again." She walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. The last thing she heard was Rachel breaking down. Her sobs reaching her ears and breaking her heart just a bit more. Fuck, what had she been doing to the them? She felt like shutting herself in her room for a few days and crying until she couldn't anymore. But she had work to do.
She pulled out her phone and sent out a mass text, adding Rachel to the list. She may not be a Cheerio anymore, but she had no problem solving problems with her fists. Plus Puck would help, probably. The first text she got back was from the current head cheerleader, Olivia Hawkins. It was a short message of 'You know I've got your back, Cap' and a thumbs up. A minute later she was climbing in her car and pulling her seatbelt. Her next came from Azimio asking her if being out of uniform was making her soft. She texted back in that he could come find out how soft her fists were any time he wanted. He fell in line and that was all she needed. Cheerios and football players. Monday would be an interesting day at WMHS.
Now that was taken care of though, she wondered how Rachel was doing and if she was still at the school or already at home, buried under her covers and crying. She tried not to think about Rachel crying anymore and wondered how Quinn would react to all of this. Would she challenge her on this? Because as much as she loved her, Santana wouldn't allow anyone to get in the way of making things right again.
She backed out of her spot, an idea on how to start forming in her mind.
She wished she could stop crying. Her eyes were so sore and was exhausted. Should she have let Santana stay? When they were kids, her Tana always gave the best hugs after someone had picked on her. It had always felt like home in those arms, just like earlier, when Santana had wrapped her arms around her waist. It had felt so right but more than anything just strange. The only time her childhood friend had touched her in the last six years was to shove her, trip her, shoulder check her, things like that. Unless it was choreographed.
God, she wanted to forgive her. She almost had to. How could she forgive Quinn, Kurt, Mercedes, and Noah so many times and not forgive her oldest friend? It would be wrong. Rachel sat up and pulled her blankets down from over head and reached for the tissue box on her by bedside table. She wiped her nose and tossed the tissue in her trash, reaching for her phone and opening a text to Santana, prepared to perhaps ask her to stop by when she heard a knock on her open door and looked up. Her daddy was standing there carrying a wicker basket. She could see a large bouquet of purple lilacs hanging over the side. Wait, were those nerds candies?
"Hey, baby girl. Santana brought this by. Here, read the note before you start devouring all the candy." He handed over the note and placed a kiss on her forehead before sitting down and grabbing one of the many bags of sour patch kids.
'Hey, Rae Bear. I know you were probably buried under your sheets a few moments ago, but I thought you could use some cheering up. I'm so sorry for the million things I need to apologize for. I know words mean a lot to you, but I'm afraid that words can never make up for the pain and anguish I've put you through. I thought that maybe actions could be a better start. I know that you typically keep a very healthy diet but that you like to treat yourself when you're feeling low. So I brought you some of the things I remember you loving that are vegan so you can do just that. Oh, I bought you some coconut ice cream so you can make that nerds blizzard you used to love when we were kids. Once again Rae, I'm sorry, and I miss you. Enjoy the treats and your favorite flowers.'
She bit down on her lip, picking up the lilacs to smell them, a smile fighting its way onto her lips.
"Daddy...is she..." He popped a red sour patch in his mouth and chewed for a moment.
"Still here? Yes, baby. She's downstairs begging your dad for forgiveness. She brought him some of Maribel's arroz con pollo. Wait here, I'll send her up." Her father stood and walked out of her room, and she reached into the basket full of candy and pulled a fruit by the foot out. By the time she'd unrolled the whole thing she started eating at one side, looking into the basket and digging in to find something else tasty, the fruit by the foot hanging from her mouth.
Hey, Bear. I guess some things never change, huh? I still squash mine together and eat it all at once. You...um...you okay? Fuck that was a stupid question right? I'm sorry. I've never really been good saying what I mean or talking about my feelings. But you know that." Rachel sat up straighter, sticking the rest of her candy back in it's wrapper.
"Feelings? Are there...you have feelings for me?" Her heart sped up in her chest and she wished upon herself that Santana would say yes. She could clearly remember the way the taller girl had made her feel when they were kids. Like she was lovable. Like she was worth someone's time. She hadn't felt like that again until Finn started paying attention to her sophomore year. Though she'd be lying if she said he measured up to the girl standing in front of her. The girl who'd been her real first love.
" You were my best friend, I loved you. You were my first crush. It's kind of how I knew I was gay later on when I thought about. As for now, despite how utterly fucking stupid I've been, I care about you. I don't ever want to hurt you again. And I won't let anyone else hurt you either. I've taken care of that."
Rachel bit down on her lip. Santana had loved her, had had a crush on her. Was it strange that although Santana was speaking in past tense about all of this, all of her feelings were decidedly present tense?
"Wait, what do you mean you've taken care of it"
"I put you on the list. It means you're protected and anyone who fucks with you will quite suddenly find themselves in highschool hell. Not to mention at the business end of my fists. That includes the gleeks." Santana moved to sit down in Rachel's desk chair and the brunette in the bed tapped the spot in front of her and motioned for her to sit there instead.
"I would ask how you accomplished this without even being a Cheerio but you are Santana Lopez. Thank you. Just be careful about unleashing Snixx on anyone who doesn't fall in line. The last thing I want is for you to get expelled because of me, okay?" So please be careful." The Latina nodded and reached over, grabbing one of Rachel's pillows to lay down on when black furry tail appeared from between the two pillows. Santana grabbed it and pulled it into her arms. It was a stuffed black panther with 'Snixx' stitched into the side in red thread.
"Dios mio, no way! Snixx? Rae, you kept her? It's been so long. Like ten years..." Rachel smiled and nodded.
"I couldn't not keep her. Remember what you said. She's a part of you that you left to protect me. And if you like seeing her again, I've got someone you should meet. Give me a moment, I'll return shortly." Rachel got out of bed and walked out of her room and down the hall to her father's. Her daddy was laying on the bed watching tv, her kitten, Snixx, laying on his chest while he petted her.
"Hi daddy. I just came to get Snixx so I can show her to Tana." He opened his arms and the Bombay kitty jumped into Rachel's arms. She turned back around and walked into her room next door, setting Snixx down, who went and laid in Santana's lap and curled up immediately.
"Wow, she's cute. And she looks just like Snixx. When did you get her?" Santana asked, already petting the quietly purring kitty.
"Her name is Snixx as well. I thought it fit. And I adopted her a couple months ago. I got her from the rescue. She'd been so malnourished when they saved her, I couldn't just walk by her. She's just now getting to healthy weight." Santana hummed, scratching softly under the Bombay kitten's jaw.
"I wouldn't be able to either. Hi Snixx. You're my alter ego. Did you know that cutie?' The kitten meowed in answer and the Latina giggled.
"I bet you did. You're pretty smart." Rachel stealthily took a picture with her phone and set it as her wallpaper, deleting the one of her and Finn.
"Seems as if the two of you will get along just as well as she and daddy do. They're best friends. They relax together at the end of a long day. You can come over to see her whenever you like, Santana."
"And what if it's you I want to come see, Rachel?" Well that sounded...flirtatious. Though it did sometimes seemed to that was her former friend's default setting. Except with her, In which case it was antagonistic.
"The offer stands. As much as I would truly love to continue conversing with you, I'm exhausted, I think I'm going to sleep." Santana nodded, making moves to set Snixx down and get up, but Rachel grabbed her arm to stop her.
"No, wait. It's nearly midnight and there's no school tomorrow. Stay. You know where my pajamas are."
"You sure? I don't wanna...I don't know, make you uncomfortable. I have this tendency to wake up cuddled with who ever I sleep in a bed with. Britt says it's because I'm lonely subconsciously. I didn't want to tell her that I'm plenty conscious of how lonely I am."
"I would love to cuddle with you. Go ahead, and get into some pajamas. You know where the bathroom is." Santana just nodded, walked over to unlock Rachel's pj drawer, reaching past the pants to find a pair of shorts. Instead she saw an old t shirt that she definitely recognized, she pulled it up and out, turning back towards Rachel with a grin on her face.
"I can't believe you still have this Rae. I would have thought you'd have tossed it after all the stupid shit I've done." The t shirt was white with an arrow near the bottom and the words 'My best friend' above it. They'd bought a matching pair when they were kids.
"I've never thrown away anything you gave me. I'll show you." She shook her wrist and Santana could see her friendship bracelet appearing from underneath her sleeve. Then she stood up and crouched down, pulling out a flat tote box from underneath her bed. When she opened it, the Latina gasped falling to her knees next to her former friend.
"No way, really? You kept that playbill I made you? And the wish upon a star t-shirt? And...wait, is this the locket?" She reached down and picked the gold star-shaped locket and flipped it open and the picture of the two them grinning like fools hugged up together was still there. She sighed and set it back down. She knew it was most likely something she had said or done to make Rachel decide to stop wearing it.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She reached across the foot separating them and buried her fingers in Santana's hair, massaging the nape of her neck.
"I'm just realizing that it's my fault all of this stuff is under your bed instead of being worn or used or whatever. Where's um..where's your ring, Rae?" The shorter brunette held her left hand up and extended it towards Santana, who wanted to maybe cry a little when she saw through that it had been moved from her right index finger to her left ring. It was a simple thing, really. Gold with a star on top. She wondered however, how it still fit.
"I've had it sized consistently over the years. As for the rest of these things, I'm sorry, but you're right." Rachel closed the box and slid it under her bed, climbing back on top while Santana stood back up and walked back to the dresser and picked put a tank top and a pair of shorts, disappearing into the bathroom a moment later.
When she came out a few minutes later, she looked far less cheerful, almost somber. Silently, she climbed into bed next to Rachel and stared up at Rachel's glow in the dark star ceiling. A moment later, Snixx walked onto her chest and curled up to sleep.
"Santana...please look at me?" The Latina wiped her eyes and turned her head to lock her dark eyes with Rachel's. The star sighed and slid across the space between them, slipping her arm around Santana and Snixx both.
"I'm so so sorry, Bear. I promised I would protect you from them then I just became one of them. I don't even know how to make up for this. I feel like I can't. I...guess I'll just show you that I can still be that girl who's whole world revolved around you." Cautiously, Rachel leaned down and sent her lips against the corner of her oldest friend's lips then lay her head down on her shoulder, petting Snixx's head
"I missed you Tana."
"Missed you too, Rae." The black kitten cuddled among them purred quietly, and Rachel wondered how monday would play out. Santana though, wondered what Quinn's play would be. She knew got the mass text just as everyone else did. The fact that she hadn't replied yet grated against the Latina's nerves and made her suspicious. She wouldn't hesitate for a second to shut the blonde down in some way to keep Rachel protected.
