Sleeping Beetle
A Beetlejuice fan fiction by Lady Norbert
A/N: I have to tell you, it was a real struggle not to start this before the convention. Actually, I failed completely in that, but I did at least restrain myself from posting anything. I hope you all enjoyed Meteor Shower while you were waiting (and if you didn't read it yet, be sure that you do, because it's plot-relevant to the rest of the series).
If you were wondering, Zenkaikon was awesome. It always is. :)
As you probably guessed from the title (or the TV Tropes page), this installment takes its cues from Sleeping Beauty, and the chapter titles are all quotes from the Disney animated film. Although it's kind of a given in the Beetlejuice fandom, I feel somehow compelled to warn you that there's a lot of weird stuff coming. As I mentioned previously, I kind of accidentally invented a mythology for this story, and it's going to start becoming more involved in our heroes' lives. There will be twists and turns and probably some things that the Fairy Godfather hasn't even told me yet. He knows everything; I don't.
But first, Halloween.
Chapter One: A Charming Fairy Tale Come True
Lydia was asleep, which was to be expected since it was only around three in the morning. She was curled on her side under the blanket, her black hair spilling like ink across the pillows, and the covers rose and fell with a gentle rhythm. All around the house were the quiet sounds of nightlife in the forest, and every so often this soft natural symphony was punctuated by a tiny, almost musical snore.
Beetlejuice had gotten up for a drink of water, but on his way back to bed he became rather distracted by the sight. Just enough moonlight seeped into the room to render her visible to his supernatural vision, and he leaned against the doorway of the little bedroom, watching her.
By Outerworld reckoning, they had been married for a little over three months. In the Neitherworld, it was closer to five years since they signed the contract. Regardless of which instance could be considered the 'real' wedding, it was a done deal and there was no going back. In his own warped view of things, however, it had been a lot longer than that - though he might not admit it out loud, the truth was that he was actually fairly certain that he'd always been hers. He just hadn't always known it.
As the thought crossed the threshold of his mind, he shook his head with a mixture of disgust and amusement. Man, he was a sap.
"Look at her," he said out loud, to no one at all. His tone was excessively fond. "I would die for her." He paused, as if just realizing something for the first time. "I would kill for her," he admitted. "Either way, what bliss."
"You've been watching the Addams Family movie again, haven't you?" Lydia murmured, not opening her eyes.
He laughed, though he felt a little bad that he'd woken her. "What can I say, Babes? That Gomez is a smooth piece of work. You gotta admire his style."
"Oh, Beej." She yawned, shifting a little under the covers. "Come back to bed. It's too early for you to be quoting movies at me and we've got a big day ahead of us."
"Right, Babes." He moved to reclaim his space next to her. "This'll be the best haunted house they've ever seen in these parts - I bet they talk about it for years to come!"
"Mmhmm. I'm sure they will," she mumbled with what sounded like forced patience. "Now go to sleep."
The word had come out fairly recently that Miss Shannon's School for Girls was in some financial trouble. There had been a nasty plumbing issue in the building which housed the school library, resulting in the loss of about half the book collection, as well as structural issues. Lydia, being Lydia, had wanted to help her old school get back on its feet, so she'd come up with what Beetlejuice thought was a fairly ingenious plan. They were living quite comfortably on the 1800s farm he'd bought her as a combination birthday/wedding present, and if there was one thing they had to spare, it was space.
Her idea, therefore, boiled down to this - they'd turn their front yard into the freakiest freak show possible for Halloween, an even bigger version of the one he'd once helped her build for the school bazaar. They'd charge admission, sell snacks and photo ops with assorted creepy creatures, and donate all the proceeds to Miss Shannon's library fund. Admittedly, he wasn't thrilled with the idea of handing over all the hard-earned dough; but as usual, the wife had her ways of persuading him to do what she wanted.
The whole shebang had been in the planning stages for weeks, and Beetlejuice admired the calm tenacity with which Lydia had tackled all the details. Chuckie's lawyer had been recruited to navigate the legal details, making sure they had all the necessary permits and paperwork, in exchange for putting his law firm on the sign as a sponsor. (Lyds said that was only fair, and while Beetlejuice might not care whether or not they played by the rules, he knew it mattered to her that everything was on the up and up.) One of her contacts at the regional newspaper, someone she'd helped out with a photography thing one time, was making sure the word got out about the shenanigans being planned at the Beetleman farm.
It was going to be a family affair. Chuck had agreed to take care of selling the popcorn and sodas, Lydia would take the photos of guests, and Delia had been recruited to whip up some of her terrifying art for the occasion, which kept her suitably out of the way of the rest of their plans. As for Beetlejuice himself, he was tasked with actually performing the construction of the haunted house ride, and would operate it - in his "BJ" persona, of course - on the days that they ran the production.
He had another task too, however.
The thing that had troubled Lydia the most about the whole project was where they would find a sufficient number of volunteers. To Beetlejuice, the answer had been rather obvious.
"Wifey-Babes," he said, "we can find all the labor you want in the Neitherworld!"
"Are you crazy?"
"Possibly, but then here's the riddle... who's crazier, the crazy man or the woman who married him?"
She ignored that. "Beej, do you have any idea how dangerous that could be?"
"Whaaat? I'm not saying we bring everybody. Just, you know, a handful. I mean, imagine the little car coming around the bend and suddenly, Ginger drops out of the ceiling and starts dancing! Everybody would freak!" He paused. "Of course, she might start crying if we don't tell her that's the point..."
"So we'd limit it to just our friends?" That seemed to ease her mind a little.
"Mostly. We'd probably need a few more, and I don't exactly have a lot of favors I can call in - but the Princess of Beetles might." He smirked. "I bet ol' Vince would get a real thrill out of dressing up like Count Dracula."
"Well... that's not as crazy an idea as I originally thought," she admitted. "You're right, he probably would enjoy it. And maybe Donny could help my dad with the concessions - he can't do it all by himself, and he seemed to like Donny. But you'll have to promise me that you'll keep an eye on things. If anybody does anything that could create problems, you've got to juice them back right away. Okay?"
"Whatever you say."
"And absolutely no Party People in a Can," she added, and he could tell she was trying not to smile.
"Aw, Babes! You say that like you didn't have fun rounding them all up!"
"Not the point, BJ."
He gave an exaggerated sigh, and adopted his 'husband' voice. "Yes, dear."
