November 2nd, 2015 || Journal Entry
So it's like two and a half months into my senior year of high school and my parents apparently thought that it would be a good idea to move across the country. I'm trying to not make a big deal out of it or be too dramatic, but my life is a nightmare and they are killing me.
They wanted me to have time to get used to California and get "settled in." They thought a week would suffice. One week. Seven days. That's it. To get used to all of this. My parents have moved around all their lives, never stayed in one place for too long. While I was growing up they stuck to one state, but even then, we were endlessly traveling around it. My mom tried to talk my dad into staying in Maryland until I graduated, but he was persistent. I guess he just really wanted that fresh start. That he's already had. Like 72 fucking times.
Anyway.
My week is up.
I have to go to school tomorrow.
Thinking about it makes me want to cry and puke at the same time.
I don't think I'll make it.
November 3rd, 2015 || From Memory
"Clarke!" My mother's voice echoes up the stairwell, bouncing violently from wall to wall until it finally barges into my room and rudely invades the privacy of the inside of my poor, resting skull.
I wake up immediately, but I don't move or say anything.
"Clarke! Get up! You have school today!" Her voice sounds shrill. I guess it always sounds that way in the morning. It's not a nice sound to wake up to. I can hear the careless clink of glass against the edges of the sink and the screech of our old ass coffee maker. At our old house you couldn't hear shit from my room. You can hear everything here.
I groan and finally roll out of bed. I'm now regretting asking her to wake me up in the morning. I thought that the alarm would be worse, but I think I might have been very, very wrong about that.
It's 7AM. I don't have a routine yet and that really bothers me. My dad said that the school is walking distance. I'll probably have time to shower. If not. That sucks.
I'm out the door by 7:45. My mom must understand how grumpy I am about this whole situation because she didn't bug me about anything all morning. She said bye to me when I left but that was it. I'm glad. I don't have the energy to be upset with her over such stupid things right now.
Dad wasn't lying. The school really is close. It's maybe five blocks away from our house. By the time I get there, it's packed. It's not even 8 yet and I'm already having a hard time. I look or the main office and find it after a few minutes. The lady in there gives me my schedule and some other papers that I'm going to forget about, as well as a map of the campus, which she kindly leads me through so I can find my classes. I forget everything she says and everything she shows me, but she tried, so I thank her and leave the office.
I glance at my schedule on my way to my first period.
1st Per. - Physics
2nd Per. - Algebra II
3rd Per. - American Government
4th Per. - Studio Art I
5th Per. - French I
6th Per. - English 12+
7th Per. - Study Hall
It seems alright for now. I guess I'll figure it out.
The campus is confusing and I have to ask a lot of people for help. Most of the people I ask just vaguely point and all I can do is stand here and look not only confused but also stupid. I ask give or take 10 different people before a girl finally stops, smiles, and says, "Yeah, I'm headed there now, want to walk with me?"
I am already so thankful for her.
She's a little shorter than me, probably around 5'4. She has long, dark brown hair, and it's pulled back into a ponytail. Her skin is dark, but at the same time it isn't light. Her eyes are brown. She's cute. If I weren't completely lost and confused and dying, I might take a bigger interest in her. Her name is Raven.
I ask her if the class if difficult.
She shakes her head contemplatively and then says, "Nah. I took it last year. Pretty sure I got an A. Didn't take too much effort. I'm just the TA now, if you were wondering. Otherwise I wouldn't bother walking all the way out here." Now she's laughing. She has a nice laugh. The kind that makes you smile, not because it's goofy or anything, it's just a nice sound. I appreciate it.
I know from 2 and a half months of previous experience that Physics is not an easy class, not for me at least. So this tells me that Raven is smart. A lot smarter than I am.
"Here it is," she beckons to a two story building fancily labeled 'Sciences.' She yanks open the door and holds it for me. I walk in quickly and take a look around. It's just a hallway. The walls are painted a vaguely gross white-ish yellow color. There's also some drinking fountains. The floor is white tile. It's dirty. There's lots of people. Too many people.
Raven is tiny and weaves through them very easily. I'm afraid I'll lose her if I don't pick up my pace, so I just start pushing people out of the way. A lot of them get mad but honestly that makes me kind of happy so I might do it again.
I think we took two lefts and one right to get to the classroom. It's a maze of a building. It's gonna take me a long time to get used to.
Raven lets me sit with her at the TA desk. It's all the way in the back and I am beyond relieved for the second time today. Both times were because of Raven. She's really saving my ass here.
Physics goes by pretty quickly. I'm confused by it and confident that I won't do well, but I came to peace with that at my old school. Raven and I only have one class together apart from Physics. It's American Government, 3rd Period. As she starts heading to her 2nd, she turns back and says, "If I'm right about you, you're gonna love it in there." She laughs a little bit and waves, promising we'll see each other again soon.
November 3rd, 2015; 6:43PM || Part of a Journal Entry
... The rest of my day went by faster than I wanted it to, which sounds crazy, even to me, but it's true. It's not even that I enjoyed any of my classes that much, everything just happened so fast I didn't have time to process anything. Second period is a nightmare, but that's math and I saw that one coming. Third was bearable because Raven was there, but the teacher, Mrs. Fuller, is a raging racist, homophobic, booger-eating, Donald Trump-supporting piece of absolute crap. Fourth isn't great, I don't know what I'm doing, but I met a cool guy. I forgot his name already. Maybe I'll catch it tomorrow. Fifth, I have some idea of what I'm doing. There's a really hot girl in there who definitely knows what she's doing. Sixth is English, so that went about as well as an English class can go. Seventh I have a Study Hall, but I asked the lady at the office if I had to stay on-campus for it and she said no, so that's when I left. I got home at around 3:45. And now I am very tired, so I am going to bed. I can't believe I gotta do all of that again tomorrow.
