"Thor, Put Your Pants Back On!"
A fanfiction by Adele365
In which Thor is Thor, Loki is Loki, Hawkeye is a pervert and the Captain is just confused. Why is Director Fury considered cuddly? Why is Dr. Banner sleeping on the couch? And why the HELL is Toni Stark the only responsible one here?
Being the tales of a gender-swapped Avengers team, based on the personalities and actions of a group Halloween costume, October 2012.
Name taken from the tumblr blog of the same name - Read it if you haven't, it's hilarious.
Pairings: Loki/Fem!Loki, Fem!Thor/Male! , eventual Fem!Iron Man/Fem!Hawkeye
With the gender bending, some of the names are different.
Tony Stark- Toni Stark
Clint Barton- Claire Barton
Steve Rogers- Stephanie Rogers
Bruce Banner- Bryce Banner
Thor is Thor, and Loki is Loki either way, you can't mess with those names...
Male Loki is called Lopt.
"THOR!" The shrill scream of rage echoed throughout the tower, as various people looked up, then decided to ignore what had become a fairly common occurrence. Less common was the fact that the scream had come, not from her sister Loki, but rather from the room of the usually most poised of the Avengers, one Stephanie Rogers. A gong-like sound followed, along with a booming laugh and a scream of animalistic rage. Thor came hurtling out of the captains room, laughing madly the whole way, followed closely by her latest victim. To the onlooker, it was immediately apparent why Stephanie was so spitting mad, as her hair was trapped in a rats next of color and her clothing mussed. This in itself was a massive issue for the time-locked avenger, since she was still used to forties sensibilities when it came to her appearance and personal space. In this case, however, both her and Thor were in pajamas, meaning that once again, a member of the team had woken up to being cuddled (read:groped) by the Asgardian Goddess of Thunder.
"I do not understand, dearest Captain! In Asgard it is customary to sleep with one's closest friends! Why do you not wish to sleep with me? Am I unsuited to your friendship in some way?" the rather bewildered Thor attempted to reason with her latest teddy bear as she thundered through the halls of Stark Tower at six in the morning.
"Friendship? You were groping me! That's not what friends do here, Thor!" came the enraged response.
At this point, the observer decided to step in, jumping down from the rafters where she had been watching the entire thing before she fell off of them from laughter. "Yeah, Thor, she's got a man for that, remember?" Claire Barton then found herself the target of the Cap's ire.
"Not. Helping. Hawkeye. Just go back to your nest and stay out of this!"
"Yes, ma'am, Captain America, Sir!" came the snarky response, followed by the assassin's hasty retreat. Meanwhile, Thor had found a hiding place, or a least a meat-shield in her sister Loki, who managed to look pristine and classy even as she was being grabbed from behind by the shaking Thor. The annoyed look on her face changed to one of understanding as she saw her unlikely friend round the corner, the captain's rage having turned by this point into resigned ire. Laughing, Loki turned herself immaterial, causing her sister to face plant on the corridor floor, wrapped in her sleeping-cape and unbalanced, having been leaning heavily on her trickster of a sister. Adding insult to injury, Loki had tied Thor's cloak in a bow, leaving her literally gift-wrapped for the revenge of her team mate. Seeing this, Stephanie simply laughed, thanking Loki for her help and bonking Thor on the head with her shield.
"I should have locked the door, I know what she's like," the captain began, only to be interrupted by their annoyed and sleepy landlord, whose floor they had ended up on in the course of their chase.
"You did lock your door. Thor just broke the lock.. Again. Also, you woke me up. Why have you woken me up? I gave you separate floors for the express purpose of NOT WAKING ME UP at oh dark thirty in the morning. What the hell, ladies?" Yes, Toni Stark was decidedly Not Amused.
Toni Stark had had an... Interesting... morning. It had actually started in what should have been the night before, when she was awoken at two am by Bryce Banner's timid knock on her bedroom door. The tiny scientist was depressed and upset, though Toni could tell it wasn't a true emergency since her tower, and manhattan for that matter, was still in tact. Still, she had spent a good hour with Bryce sobbing on her bed about the latest guy she picked up in a bar, then lost as they got cold feet at the idea of sleeping with the Hulk. Usually, Bryce was calm and collected, the veritable Zen Guru of the group, except when it came to guys dumping her because of the Hulk. Toni wasn't sure why Bryce kept trying, but she finally got the girl out of her room by three thirty, only to be awoken again less than three hours later by the Captain's shrieks of rage. Her origin plan had been to sleep on, this being a Saturday. Alas, 'twas not to be.
At Toni's outburst, Thor at least had the good grace to look ashamed. " I am sorry, Daughter of Stark. We have been ungrateful guests in your home. I will endeavor to be better in future. As all are awake, may we now break our fast? While you lack our hearty Asgardian fare, these jacks of flapping are quite excellent, as are your eggs of chicken mixed with cow excretion and various vegetables!"
"Pancakes. They are called pancakes, Thor. And omelets. Please don't make me lose what little appetite i actually have right now," came Stephanie's tired response. "I am already sick of your strange customs today, especially those involving inappropriate cuddling."
"For Ass-gard! To Breakfast we must go, for the dearest Captain of the Americas needs her coffee, and so do I!" Hawkeye chose this moment to re-enter the conversation, slapping Thor on the ass and neatly ducking a swipe from the captain's Vibranium shield, or "head-whacker" as she liked to call it. At this, Toni finally gave a huff of laughter, and they all headed up to breakfast, passing Bryce in a snoring pile on the break room couch, where she had been since leaving Toni's bedroom.
A/N: Hey, I know this chapter is short. I have about 35k of this written, it was my NaNo project this year until I got really sick... Let me know what you think, I can still edit what I write before I put new chapters up! Also, please forgive any errors, I have no beta reader... thanks! And happy holidays!
