The Thin Line
Word vomit, lately I'd become famous for it and now it seemed I'd pissed off the vampires too. I seriously couldn't care less. I stormed out of their house and away from their stupidity. My first thought was to go home but to be honest there was just as much brainlessness there. My life had been ripped to shreds and I was surrounded by idiots. Jacob Black was an idiot he was determined to pick at the scab that was Bella Swan. I didn't understand why people placated Jacob so much; he was mourning a relationship that he'd never had. True the girl admitted to liking him but not enough to date him, that when you say let it go, and move on. The pack is so sympathetic to his faux break up but when it comes to be me it's like they think I deserved it.
"You did deserve it and far worse," he said and I kept my back to him as I sat on the cliff. I knew his sent and it made sense that he'd be mad. I had after all just called his precious Bella a bitch for what she'd done to Jacob.
"It's the mind rapist here to defend his woman. I wish you'd spare me there's nothing you can say to make me apologize. Point blank your wife is the most selfish woman I've ever met and she's a hurtful bitch that pretends to be so sweet and innocent. At least I'm true to who I am!" I got up and finally turned to him and looked in his eyes that were as black as the night sky. Maybe he'd come here to kill me. Stupid leech he should know that I'm not scared of death. I was dead inside now anyway.
"You know nothing about her! You can't judge someone you've barely talked to," Edward fumed and bared his teeth. "I don't ever want you near her again. Don't place one of your damned paws our property!" I merely arched my eyebrow at him and laughed.
"You seriously think I want to be there?" I laughed at him outright. "Tell me. How can you even think that the way Bella does Jacob is fair to him? How is it fair to YOU? Plus, I'm sure that you didn't want her to go through with this pregnancy yet she's doing it … who is she doing it for? It's not you, so I'm guess she's doing it to make herself happy. By definition being selfish means lacking consideration for others and only being concerned with one's own personal pleasure, so you tell me, doesn't that describe the way your beloved Bella is acting? Isn't it Edward?" I yelled. He scoffed and went to walk away from me. "That's right leech leave and don't you say one damned word because you know I'm right!" As soon as I finished my sentence he was right in my face.
"The only reason I'm leaving is because no matter how vile your words are you are a female and I'm trying to respect you. You're pushing me though," he whispered and for some reason him being this close made my skin crawl but not in the way it should. For some reason him being this close made me really focus in on everything that was appealing about Edward Cullen. He snorted and gave me a vicious half smile.
"Don't do me any favors leech," I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. I tried to focus on my distain for everything he was. Not his alluring stare or his slender yet strong build. God, how long had it been since I'd gotten any? This was really the wrong time to be horny. Someone once said that there was a thin line between love and hate. Who said that anyway?
"It was started by a group in the seventies," he mumbled and I looked at him confused for a minute before remembering his abilities. "Bella wants to give the child a fighting chance that's not selfish," he defended his bride once more.
"What about the way she treats Jacob?" He said nothing and I knew that he agreed with me. I crossed my arms I wanted to hear him say it.
"He lets her treat him that way," Edward mumbled.
"Yeah and I think that Jacob's a dickless punk for it but that's not what I asked. Bella is treating Jacob like shit and you all act like that's okay … it's not okay!" Edward looked at me and it was like he was trying to extract something from my thoughts.
"Why do you care so much?" Edward finally asked as he sat where I was when he first got here. I followed suit and sat down beside him. Even though he was mad at me it was the first time someone was actually curious about my thoughts. Everyone else hated whenever I spoke or was in the same space as them really.
"Jake reminds me of myself a little bit. When all this stuff started happening and once Sam finally told me about the imprint he still wanted to be around me and he wanted Emily there too. I couldn't deal it ripped something out of me and made me feel." I stopped abruptly and shot and glare toward Edward who black eyes had begun to stare at me with pity. "I don't wanna talk about this shit."
"You probably should, it's probably a good release," Edward murmured and I smirked.
"You know what a good release is?" I said as I stood up and unbuttoned my shorts and dragged my shirt over my head. He pretended like he wasn't looking but I knew better I could see that out of the corner of his eyes he was curious. He should be my body was brilliant. That was the one good thing that had come out of this mess.
"What are you doing Leah?" He said as he finally completed the task of closing his eyes.
"Jumping and you're doing it too! I'm sure you have some pent up frustration you need to let go off!" I jumped around in my bra and panties I liked to get a running start and then phase in the air. "We could make it a race. We could start here and then jump into the water and whoever makes it back to this line first wins." I giggled. This was the most playful I felt in a long time and I wanted him to humor me. Besides, this had to be better than staying at home and watching his ill preggers wife.
"I should be with her," he drew himself to his feet and I thought he was going to leave. "But I do need a little release." Edward stood beside me and readied himself and I smirked a little. I was about to race a vampire and I was going to win! "Yeah right … call it Clearwater."
"On your mark, get set, GO!"
"It's a tie!" He muttered this and mirrored my discontentment. "I didn't think that your kind could move that fast."
"The men can't I'm lighter so I move faster," I panted I laid on the ground fully clothed and breathless. "That was great! We should do it again!" I turned to look at Edward and he looked perplexed by something. "What?"
"I came here to hurt you Leah. I came here to be cruel and vicious. You made me realize that even though I love Bella watching her perish right before my eyes I've never been so miserable." He turned his back to me. It was now night and there was a full moon. His skin seemed to glisten slightly he looked like an angel, a melancholy angel.
"I can understand it must be hard for you," mumbled. I didn't know what to say I didn't expect to feel bad for the guy but I had to admit it was good to forget about my own drama and focus on somebody else. "Who knows she may not perish? Keep your head up leech I tentatively went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at it and then me.
"Thank you," he whispered and then he did the weirdest thing. He reached out and wrapped his arms around me. It was a chilling and creepy feeling but I knew he meant well by it. "You aren't what people think you are Leah." He pulled away from me and strolled back toward his home. As he left me I felt empty, raw, and lost. It was a much worse feeling than I had came out here with.
A week had passed since Edward and I had talked. It was my night to patrol the area. I walked the house about ten times before I saw Edward coming toward me with a plate and a blanket. He walked with me to the back of the house and laid everything out. I guessed he wanted me to phase back into my human form. "Esme told me you wouldn't eat what she offered you. I thought I'd give it a try." I huffed and rolled my eyes. I didn't take handouts from leeches no matter if they were kind of … whatever Edward was.
"Plus, I need someone to talk to and I'd rather talk to you in your human form. So it's not really a handout it's more of a bribe." That seemed more reasonable. I was kind of hungry. I quickly changed and returned to him. He popped opened the cherry Pepsi and handed it to me.
"How'd you know I liked this?" I asked.
"Seth," he answered and it made sense. Seth had a little man crush on Edward and he was really talkative around him. "He also said that you'd been thinking about me a lot lately."
"Really," I said dryly. I didn't get the point of him sharing that information.
"Yeah, and I thought it was weird because my thoughts had drifted to you a time or two. That night was good for me Leah. You put a lot of things into perspective." As he talked I inched the sandwich over to my side of the blanket and began to eat. It was a turkey bacon club and it was delicious.
"I talked to Bella about Jacob." I stopped chewing I wasn't expecting him to say that. "She told me that she couldn't let him go. She said that she knows that she's horrible for feeling that she needs him but she does." I watched the hurt in Edward's eyes. I wanted to reach out to him. What man wants to hear his wife say she needs another man?
"I wish you would," he whispered.
"What?" I was confused.
"Reach out to me," Edward confessed and his lowered eyes lifted to look at me briefly. I gently covered his hand with mine.
"I told her I understood but I really don't," he forced out the words. "She spends most of her day conversing with him when he's not out protecting her. I want to tell her she can't have us both!" His frown grew.
"Then tell her," I stated firmly. "I don't think that request is unreasonable Edward, I think her expecting you to understand is a bat shit crazy!" Edward smirked at me and I chuckled. I removed my hand so I could finish my sandwich. Edward lay on his back and talked about the past and the stars. He needed to release and escape and apparently I gave him that. After a while he scooted toward me and placed his head in my lap and he closed his eyes. I'd never seen him with look so human and yet like a beautiful work of art. I wanted to take my fingers and explore the contours of his face but he wasn't mine and that wasn't proper.
"You can," he said softly.
"I shouldn't," I whispered.
"I know but I want you to anyway," he explained. I allowed my fingertips to caress him and comfort him. He skin was so cold and smooth. I noticed that my own heartbeat had accelerated, I was feeling several things and I realized that I hated what Bella was doing to him too. How could she have this amazing man that was here on this Earth only for her and still feel she needed more? Edward Cullen was more than enough. After a few minutes or hours of silence Edward sat back up. "Seth's coming. I should go thank you Leah for this." I nodded and put my head down. That loneliness and emptiness that I experienced before was returning. I didn't want him to go. I don't know why but I wished he would stay. I felt his cold lips place a small kiss on my cheek before disappearing into the house.
Renesmee was born and Bella was now a vampire. Jacob imprinted, the Volturi had been confronted and after all of that I was still alone, still waiting on the cliff trying to decide whether this was the right time to jump. The moon shimmered over the waters and everything looked so beautiful and the earth was so peaceful. I tried to be content with my life but anyone who said that were happy alone was a liar. I wanted more than what I was given. Whenever I thought this way in my wolf form I'm told by a million voices that I'm selfish and greedy. Who am I to question fate's plan for me? I sighed and looked at the moon and allowed the wind to blow my hair away from my face. Then his I felt him, he was in my space, his aroma was surrounding me.
"The mind rapist," I said playfully and I turned to him and his beautiful face looked miserable. How could someone who had everything he wanted look so miserable? "You okay?" He shook his head and came to sit down beside me.
"Vampires are monsters Leah," he stated after sitting quietly for a while. He stated something that I already knew. I knew he was speaking of himself and no one should have such a negative self view.
"I can't disagree with you there," I chuckled and rubbed my hands over my jeans and I waited for him to get his thoughts together.
"I should be happy," he whispered. "Why aren't I happy?" He looked at me with golden hazel eyes that expected answers.
"I don't know buddy," I said as I rubbed his back and tried to offer him comfort.
"We aren't buddies Leah. Ever since the first night we talked you were attracted to me your concern for me only grew out of your attraction to me," he spewed viciously.
"If you feel that way then why are you here?" I knew he was really hurting Edward but wasn't normally the kind to lash out at someone else. Maybe that's why he came here because he wanted to yell at someone that really didn't matter to him.
"I wish … I wish you didn't matter to me, but Leah I think about you every day. I don't know how one night with you changed my heart but it did. I can't get you out of my head. I imagine your touch and." He stopped and he covered his hands with his face. "I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm here." I moved his hands and I approached him.
"You're here for this Edward." We kissed and the whole time he said it was wrong but he kissed me harder. He gripped my waist roughly and maneuvered me beneath him. I never knew the touch of a vampire could get me so hot and wanton. My thought was that this one time would cure both our curiosities and we could part ways. Edward went to unbutton my pants and then stopped. "It's okay," I whispered.
"No it's not, but we're going to do it anyway," he said before kissing me again. I'd never had a lover that was so gentle with me. He caressed me and worshiped my body as he kissed every inch of me multiple times. It felt like my soul was connected with his as we moved and moaned. This was a release of so many frustrations and emotions. I felt as the tears swelled in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks and I came. No one had ever made love to me, Sam had fucked me but this was so, so different. I stared into gold hazel eyes as I tried to regulate my breathing. He placed a kiss on my nose and slowly removed himself from me. There no words shared between us. We just lay together looking at the stars. More tears welled up inside me as I relived what I just experienced. I hopped up and began to dress. I realized something that I didn't want to process here beside him.
"Leah?" He asked for what I couldn't give him. I wasn't okay, I'd lied to myself and told myself it would be but this … it was wrong.
"Bye Edward," I muttered as I ran home. I knew that he could catch me if he wanted to, but I knew he had so much drama that he wouldn't. The truth was I wasn't worth chasing. I was his little release at midnight and that's the only thing I was good at.
