What Now?
Agent Rachel McCord ended her speech at Castle's door with, "Kate, you're one of the best agents I've ever worked with." There was a very slight pause, followed by, "But I'm here to tell you you're fired." McCord took a step forward as Beckett stood there in shock and said, "I'll need to take your weapon and credentials with me."
Beckett nodded, went to get the items, and returned, placing them in McCord's hands. McCord put her hand on Kate's upper arm in what appeared to be a gesture of friendship as she knew it and said, "I'll miss you." She then let her hand slide back to her side, gave Castle a nod of acknowledgment, and possibly apology, then turned and walked away.
Kate stood, still dumfounded, as Castle closed the door. As he walked toward her, she turned away taking a few steps in the other direction before stopping and running her hand through her hair as she often did when she was dealing with concern or frustration.
He walked up behind her and placed his hands supportively on her upper arms, leaning to kiss the curve of her neck.
"I'm still proud of you, you know."
She turned and slid her arms around his waist, holding him tight, and he reciprocated, letting her take the lead. She just held on for a few moments her head over his heart.
"What now?" she asked. "What do I do now?"
"Whatever you want…after you've had time to think about it. You didn't fail them, Kate. They failed you. They didn't meet your standards."
"That's nice to hear, but I was still fired. I've never been fired before. It feels like I failed."
"But you were fired for saving someone's life...for doing the right thing for one of the victims. In my eyes, that's far from failing."
"You're going to see the best, no matter what, aren't you?" she asked gratefully.
"Always," he answered, kissing the top of her head.
"I'm sorry, Castle," she said from where her lips were against his chest, sounding a little teary. "When I made the phone call, I knew this could happen. I just didn't think anything would happen so fast. I've put us through moving my things to DC, weeks and weeks of separation and just when you get us an apartment there to make it easier, I get myself fired. I'm sorry you wasted your time and money on an apartment we don't need anymore. All of it was for nothing…and I'm sorry I put us through all this."
"I'm not. I'm not sorry you gave the job in DC a try. You needed to know if it was what you wanted…put the idea to rest one way or the other. If you gave it up for me, you'd always wonder…maybe resent not taking the chance. Was it what you wanted? Were you happy with it?"
"I was at first. The training was a challenge. I loved the investigative work...some tough cases. We had so much to work with…so many resources."
"Sounds like a 'but' in there somewhere."
"There was that case where we had solid proof against the secretary, but his position made him basically immune to having to pay for what he did. McCord seemed to take it in stride, but I was furious. It was wrong. He just got away with it. And then this one…other agencies stepping in on our case the same way we did at the precinct. I was told this agency was autonomous…and actually believed it. It's DC and politics. I shouldn't have been that stupid. So, no. I guess it didn't make me happy."
"Then why did you stay?"
"When I realized I wasn't happy with the way things were handled, I had already cut my ties to my job here. I think I felt like I had no choice but to try harder to make it all work."
Castle put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm's length. "Kate Beckett, don't ever think you have to choose to stay with something that doesn't make you happy. You have an entire support system here to back you up...and I'm at the top of that list. I'm going to be your husband. Let me take care of everything until we figure out where you go from here."
"But I don't want you to have to take care of me. I should be able to do that myself."
"And you can. I know that, and I respect it; but, Kate, I'm paying alimony to two women who never really loved me, and they have no qualms whatsoever about being taken care of. It's a pleasure for me…no, it's a joy for me to have a chance to take care of the woman who does love me."
"But…"
"Tell you what. You don't need to be stuck in this crowded loft while you think things through and make new decisions. What do you say we take our new keys, spend a week or two in DC like tourists, with a nice, private place to stay? The apartment is furnished. What we need, we can buy. We can spend a day repacking what little it looked like you've unpacked, get somebody to deliver it to the storage room in my building; that will make it easier when you move into my crowded home to keep me sane."
She finally smiled. "You want me to move in?"
""Yeah, I do. So what do you think…a week or two of uninterrupted time to ourselves?" he bargained. "We can take in the sights, do some museums, shop, talk about wedding plans, living arrangements, what you want to do from here…make love…often."
"In every room there?" she asked mischievously.
"At least once," he answered with a grin. "We have a lot of catching up to do. If we try hard, we might get our money's worth out of the place after all. Oh, and you'll let your future husband enjoy taking care of you for a little while."
"It sounds great…as long as I get to take care of him, too."
"Deal. Maybe this way you come home with a positive feeling about leaving DC behind. We'll tell Mother and Alexis when they get back; and if we're already packed, we can leave right after that."
"I'm already packed…and you can pack in the morning. That thought I was supposed to hold on to...it's coming back."
"It is, huh?" He pulled her to him for another kiss, not as spontaneous in nature as the first one, but every bit as effective. "I think I'm remembering, too," he answered, kissing her again as he walked her slowly backward toward their room.
