AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, I'm still in the process of writing "Fly By Night"...expect to see Chapter 4 of it very soon. I'll be writing that sometime this week. (Need to do a little bit of brainstorming for that one.) But in the meantime, I've come up with some ideas for a few new fanfics, and I've decided to go ahead and start the shorter of the two right now. I figure it's better to start something when you have it fresh in your mind than to wait around and lose it by the time you say you're going to write it. So here we are.
Anyways, this is my first stab at writing a Raccoons future fanfic, which is a bit odd since the vast majority of fanfics my colleagues have written have taken place after the show ended. I seem to be the first one to actually attempt to take a stab at the past BEFORE the show...I'm still a bit surprised no one really touched it before me. Sets me apart from everyone else. So why am I now writing a future fanfic like everyone else has? Because I want to, of course. If I want to write something I have every right to do so. So anyways, here's another fanfic starring Ralph and Melissa. I know I already wrote one that was quite successful, but I figured, eh, why not write another one? I've liked this couple ever since I first was introduced to this show, but there has been something I've always wondered: Why don't they have any children? Is it that they don't want any, or perhaps they can't have any? Well, it's a children's show, so obviously stuff like that isn't going to be delved into. But, that is what fanfics are for. I know you've already seen kobebeef take on this subject in his "Secrets and Heroes" fanfic, so this might not be an original idea, but I feel like I can offer a good enough take on this. Dive in and find out whether or not Ralph and Melissa will become parents or not. Since this story will be rather on the...emotional side of things (if this turns out as I'm picturing it doing so in my head), I've also added an amusing subplot featuring Bert trying to become a fantasy story-writer. (Because that is DEFINITELY something he would probably do.) So keep your eyes peeled...
Anyways, onto my legal disclaimer as always...
Legal Disclaimer For Your Consideration: I don't own the rights to the Raccoons or any of the characters from the show. There is no way I will ever own the rights to the show or the characters. I do own the rights to a few characters within this fic, use them without my permission and you will suffer a fate FAR worse than death...I also don't own the rights to any songs that might be used within this fic (will be a couple). Any similarities to real people, living or dead, is probably intentional and most likely very unfortunate. With that said, I hope you'll enjoy...
Beat The Clock: A Race Against Time
CHAPTER ONE: Happy Birthday To You
Time has passed in the Evergreen Forest.
A few years had gone by and now it was the year 1995 in the Forest. Several things had changed for the Forest and its' denizens. But even so, many things stayed the same...
It was a cold November morning in the Forest, about eight o'clock in the morning. Bert Raccoon and Ralph Raccoon were in the kitchen of their home, the Raccoondominium. Even though some years had passed and he was by now thirty-three years old, Bert was still living with his childhood friend and his wife, Melissa. To Ralph, it seemed as if Bert would never leave the Raccoondominium. It wasn't that he hated Bert or even truly minded having him live there; it was just that he would like a little peace and quiet every now and then. But anyways, the two of them were in the kitchen this morning, making breakfast. It was very unusual for them to be doing so; usually that task was covered by Melissa. But on this particular morning Melissa was not with the guys; she was still asleep in bed. Ralph had woken up early today and had crept out of his bedroom without waking his wife, and had gotten Bert up as well to come help him make breakfast.
Bert was sitting at the table, stirring up a batch of pancake batter in a large bowl, while Ralph was standing before the stove, about to crack open a couple of eggs fresh from the market over a skillet. He happened to be wearing a chef's hat.
"Ah," Ralph said to himself, his voice taking on a rather poor attempt at a French accent. "My specialitie pour le petit dejeuner: oeufs brouilles! Say, how are you coming with les crepes, Monsieur Bert?" he chuckled.
"Fine, fine," Bert said, continuing to stir the batter. "What the hell is it with you and that hat anyways? Every time you put that thing on your head you start acting like some crazy French chef. What is with you?"
Ralph looked taken aback, "Ah? You do not like how I speak?" he asked, continuing to speak in the horrendous faux accent.
Bert shook his head. "No, not at all. It's...it's not natural. Why are you doing that with this anyways? We're making eggs and pancakes, not some four-star gourmet meal. I swear, I think that hat is possessed by the spirit of some long dead French chef and every time you put it on your head, his spirit possesses you. I don't want to know what would happen if I put that hat on my head."
Ralph shot a funny look at Bert. "Now you're just being silly, Bert. There's no such thing as ghosts. You watched too many of those weird movies again," he laughed as he removed the hat from his head.
"Well, I did see The Exorcist last month right before Halloween," Bert admitted, "and well, I don't think I want anything like that to happen to you, Ralphie boy. That movie's probably the scariest thing I've ever seen. I don't think I've been that scared in a very long time." Time had not changed Bert a whole lot. Even if he was a little more responsible than he used to be, he was still his silly and goofy self. That was who he was and it was clear that aspect of him would likely never change.
"Oh, I remember," Ralph chuckled as he cracked open the eggs. "You couldn't sleep at all that night."
"Oh yeah," Bert sighed. He rubbed his eyes as he yawned. Bert had never been much of a morning person and he didn't particularly like being awake at this particular hour. "Geez, I hate being up this early in the morning," he yawned again as he walked over to Ralph's old radio and flicked it on. "Maybe some music'll help me feel more alive at this time of day."
"You're listening to 95.7, the Evergreen Forest's only Golden Oldies radio station," shouted a disc jockey who sounded pretty much like a complete jerk, "and up next here, we've got a good old song I'm sure all of you children of the 1970s remember! Those of you who were into the glam rock scene, I'm sure you'll recognize this one!" Sure enough, an old song began playing on the radio.
"You look in his eyes, don't be surprised,
If you don't know what's going on behind his disguise!
Nobody knows, where Buster goes
He'll steal your woman out from under your nose!"
Bert had to laugh at the song playing on the radio. "Haha, the Sour," he smirked. "This was my favorite band when I was growing up. Or one of 'em, anyways. My, how times have changed..." he sighed, reminiscing on his childhood memories. They seemed so distant to him now...
"Uh, Bert, if you don't mind, could you please turn that off?" Ralph turned around and asked Bert.
"Why?"
"Because, I don't want to wake Melissa up. Do you remember why we're down here in the first place?" Ralph quizzed him.
"Yeah, yeah, of course I do," Bert replied as he switched the radio off. "I didn't forget, Ralph. Today's Melissa's birthday, and you've decided to surprise her by making breakfast for her-for once." Bert was correct, today was indeed November 25th-Melissa's birthday. Today she was turning thirty-five years old.
"Yes," Ralph nodded, "I thought it would be a nice surprise. She makes breakfast for the three of us all the time; I thought it'd be nice to let her have a rest and make it for her instead."
"Boy, you've really got a lot of stuff planned for Melissa today," Bert laughed, "you're making breakfast for her; you took the day off from the Standard to spend with her; you and me hunted down that special gift you wanted to get for her; and to top it all off you're taking her out to dinner at the Blue Spruce Cafe." Bert chuckled again as he began pouring the batter onto a skillet which he placed on the stove. "Sure beats last year when you forgot her birthday altogether, doesn't it?"
"Oh, don't remind me," Ralph groaned. Last year, he had totally forgotten his wife's birthday. He was usually pretty good at remembering special dates; Melissa had only asked him to remember Christmas, Valentine's Day, her birthday, and their wedding anniversary. Four days out of 365 or 366, depending on whether or not it was a leap year, should have been pretty easy to remember. But he had forgotten and Melissa had been very disappointed in him. Ralph had gotten yelled at by her and it took a couple of days for her to calm down for the two of them to make up with each other. Ralph was, needless to say, very embarrassed he'd done that. He'd vowed not to do it again this year; he planned to make it up to her if he could. "That was not a very fun experience. So I'm doing everything I can to make today a very special day for her, to make up for the day she didn't get to have last year."
"Good on ya, Ralphie boy," Bert chuckled as he began flipping the pancakes. "Huh, thirty-five years old," Bert suddenly laughed to himself. "Why, she's practically an old lady now!"
Ralph was taken aback at Bert's rather rude comment. "Bert, Melissa is not an old lady by any means. Thirty-five isn't that old!"
"But it's not that young, either," Bert quipped. "She's a year older than you, Ralph."
"So?" Ralph didn't see why that would matter. "I don't care if she's a year older than me. It doesn't matter to me; I still love her. To me, she'll always be beautiful," he proudly grinned.
"Huh, easy for you to say, you're her husband!" Bert remarked.
"Besides, Bert, Melissa may be a year older than me, but you're eleven years older than Lisa," Ralph retorted.
"Ouch." Ralph had gotten Bert there. "Point taken." The passing years had not done anything to quell Bert's feelings for Lisa; he was still smitten. However, things hadn't gone as he hoped they would; they were still only just friends. Still, Bert always had his dreams...
"And besides, Bert, if thirty-five is old, you're not really one to talk. You're only fourteen months younger than she is."
"Hey, don't you know, Ralph?" Bert laughed as he flipped the pancakes some more. "Thirty-three is the new twenty!" At that moment, one of the pancakes flew up and hit the ceiling. "Oh dear..." Bert moaned as he realized what had just happened.
Ralph sighed in frustration as the pancake came back down and landed on his head. He just didn't know about Bert sometimes...
Meanwhile, upstairs, Melissa Raccoon was slowly starting to rise from her slumber. She rubbed her eyes as she yawned and stretched her arms.
"Good morning, Ralph," she said as she rolled over to greet her husband...but much to her surprise, no one was there next to her. She was all alone.
"Ralph?" Melissa asked, puzzled as to where he could be. "Where are you, Ralph?" This was very rare. Melissa usually woke up before Ralph did. The only time he would wake up before she did was if he wanted to get down to the Standard bright and early...and he would usually wake her up in that case. But this time, he hadn't...
"He's at the Standard already, and he didn't even bother waking me up to tell me he was going down there," she muttered to herself, starting to get angry. Sure, Melissa did love her job working as the paper's photographer, but she had always loved her husband more than she did her job. She would eagerly pick Ralph over her career were she forced to choose between one or the other. Sometimes, she couldn't help but feel that Ralph was the opposite of her; that he loved his career more than he did her. A time like this seemed to prove that. "The nerve of him..."
Suddenly, it dawned on her. Today was November 25th...her birthday. And Ralph was nowhere in sight. "He said he was going to keep the Standard closed today for my birthday..." she thought to herself, the anger inside her rising rapidly. "And he went anyways! Not to mention, he said he would surprise me after he forgot my birthday last year..."
Melissa could hardly keep her fury to herself. "Ralph's forgotten my birthday AGAIN. That's two years in a row!" she hissed, realizing what had apparently happened. With that, Melissa angrily threw the covers off of herself as she stomped out of bed. She hurriedly dressed herself, throwing off her nightgown as she quickly put on the sweater she usually wore in the cold months in place of her usual tank top. She didn't even bother combing her hair, brushing her teeth, or really cleaning herself up; she didn't care that she looked a rather dreadful mess. Ralph had really pissed her off this morning.
"I'm going down to the Standard to give my stupid husband a piece of my mind," she growled under her breath as she threw open the bedroom door and slammed it behind her. "I don't like yelling at him, but it's the only way I think I can get through to him at a time like this. I don't like feeling ignored..." she said to herself as she stormed down the stairs. It seemed poor Ralph was about to get an earful...
Melissa marched her way towards the kitchen. "I guess I'll have a cup of coffee before I go down there and chew him out..." she muttered angrily as she stormed into the kitchen...but what she saw in there surprised the hell out of her.
Bert and Ralph were waiting for her, sitting at the kitchen table. Before them sat a few plates, containing pancakes and scrambled eggs.
"Surprise!" the two of them shouted in unison. "Happy birthday, Melissa!"
Melissa, needless to say, was quite surprised. She wasn't quite sure what to say or how to react. "Ralph...what's all this?" she managed to ask after a few moments.
"First of all, happy birthday, honey," Ralph answered as he got up from the table and greeted her with a kiss. "I didn't forget this year, see?" he smiled.
"I definitely see," Melissa replied, "and, thank you for not forgetting this year, but, Ralph, what is all this for?" she repeated herself.
"Oh, well ya see, Melissa," Bert responded, "Ralphie boy had a little plan to surprise ya, and he roped me into helping him out."
"Bert and I made you breakfast," Ralph grinned.
"You made me breakfast?" Melissa did feel quite flattered. "Ralph, honey, that's very nice of you and Bert. But why did you do it?"
"Well," Ralph replied, "you always make breakfast for us. Every morning. And I don't think we show our appreciation for you as often as we should. So I thought it'd be a nice idea if I made breakfast for you for a change."
"But you two didn't have to make me breakfast," Melissa answered, "I mean, I don't mind cooking for you two at all, you didn't have to do that..."
"Hey, it's the thought that counts!" Bert chimed in.
Truthfully, Melissa was a bit unsure on whether or sure she should actually eat the breakfast they'd made for her, as she knew her husband was not a very good cook (even though he sometimes claimed to be, the cooking gene George had inherited was not a shared gene between the two brothers), and Bert, while not an awful cook, had a tendency to add peanut butter to everything he made. But she realized that Bert was right, the fact that they thought enough to actually go to the trouble of making her breakfast did count. "You're right, Bert. It is the thought that counts. Thanks for making me breakfast, Ralph," she smiled.
"No problem, Melissa," Ralph smiled back. "C'mon. Let's have our breakfast," he said as he pulled up a chair for her.
"Oh, wait a minute!" Bert realized he'd forgotten something. "I forgot to put peanut butter on the eggs!" He dashed up from the table and quickly produced a jar of peanut butter which he proceeded to pour onto the eggs. "THERE we go!"
"Oh geez..." Ralph sighed as he and Melissa shook their heads. Bert and his peanut butter, sometimes...
Later that afternoon, Bert, Ralph and Melissa were sitting at the kitchen table again, gathered around a fairly large cake. Presents were gathered around the cake as well.
"So tell me," Melissa wondered, "where did you get all the presents?"
Ralph fielded that question. "Oh, well, Melissa, remember yesterday when I said we needed some good scenery photos for a piece in next week's edition?"
Melissa nodded. "Yes, I do. I think I got some pretty good shots, don't you remember?"
Ralph smiled. "Yes, but it turns out we don't need those photos after all."
Bert chuckled. "We were trying to get you out of the Standard for the day so everyone could bring their presents! George made the cake."
Melissa felt disappointed at first realizing those pictures were taken for nothing, but she soon realized that this had been a pretty clever plan they had come up with. "How clever of the two of you," she remarked. "Besides, I can always save those pictures for the next book I publish," she thought to herself.
"Now, Melissa," Bert emphatically remarked as he lighted the candles atop the cake, "be sure to make a wish when you blow out the candles! If you tell us what it is, it won't come true!"
Ralph stared at Bert skeptically. "And if she doesn't it will?"
"Of course, Ralphie boy! Every wish I've ever made has always come true!"
Ralph sighed. "You don't really still believe in that, do you...?"
Bert nodded. Of course Bert would always cling to some of his childish beliefs. It was a part of who he was.
Melissa chuckled. "Oh, you guys, stop it. There's no need to argue about it."
Ralph and Bert agreed. It was pretty silly to have an argument over a birthday cake...
The two of them both sang "Happy Birthday" to Melissa as she blew out the candles on her cake.
"So, Melissa," Bert queried her, "how does it feel to be thirty-five?"
"How does it feel to be thirty-five?" Melissa repeated. She thought for a moment as she grabbed her first present. "Well, honestly, Bert, not much different than it did to be thirty-four, or even thirty-three," she admitted.
"Just think about it," Bert grinned, "in only five more years you'll be over the hill!"
Melissa laughed, "Oh Bert, that's enough. You're only as young as you feel you are!" She took a look at the note on the present. "Huh, what do you know, it's from Cedric and Sophia." A lot had changed for Cedric in the past few years. Sophia had come back to the forest from the city and she and Cedric had gotten married about a year ago. Cedric had also taken over full control of Sneer Enterprises, as Cyril had been forced to step down as he had suffered a stroke that had left him paralyzed on one side of his body. Thus, he was no longer able to help run the company, so Cedric had taken over. It'd been a bit of a trying year-and-a-half on his own, but Cedric was starting to get the hang of things. "I wonder what they got me..." Melissa wondered.
"Well, open it up and find out," Ralph replied.
Melissa opened up the package to find a new set of hairbrushes, with a note attached. "Dear Melissa, I hope you'll enjoy these new hairbrushes we sent to you. It was Sophia's idea to start a cosmetics division of the company, and I thought you might like to try some of the newest brushes straight off the assembly line. Hope you enjoy, regards, Cedric Sneer." She smiled. She wasn't actively interested in beauty like some people she knew were, but it was a nice gift. "Huh. I'll have to thank them for this later."
Melissa slowly made her way through her presents. Schaeffer had gotten her a cuckoo clock he had built all by himself. George had sent her a rather embarrassing card he'd gotten at the store, to go along with the cake. Nicole had bought Melissa a brand new camera to replace her old one, which was starting to show its' age. Lisa had sent her a sweater. Her father, Mike, had sent her a card and some flowers. At last she came to Ralph's present, as she'd decided to save her husband's gift for last. "I'm certain you'll like this one, honey," he noted.
"Hmm, I wonder what it could be?" Melissa slowly opened it. "Why, it's the new tea set I told you I wanted! I've wanted this since I saw it advertised on TV! Oh Ralph, thank you!" She pulled Ralph in for a hug. "Thank you very much, Ralph. But I heard that this was all sold out. How'd you ever manage to find it?"
"Well, it wasn't easy," Ralph sheepishly admitted.
"Damn, he isn't kidding," Bert added, "we had to hunt everywhere all over the Forest! And no place had this...and then it turned out Mr. Willow had this in his storeroom. Don't know why we didn't go there in the first place. That was the day we said we were going hiking, remember, Ralph?"
"Yeah, I remember. We weren't actually hiking."
"Well, thank you Ralph. I love the gift," Melissa smiled.
"It's not all I've got for you, Melissa," Ralph responded, "I also got us a reservation at the Blue Spruce Cafe for a dinner for two."
"Dinner for two...? Ralph, you don't have to do that for me. We can have dinner right here at home."
"But Melissa, it is the thought that counts, you know. I'm sure a nice dinner out would be nice, wouldn't it honey?" Ralph asked.
"Hmm, well, alright Ralph. You're right, it is the thought that counts," Melissa replied.
"Wait a minute!" Bert shouted. "You haven't opened either my present or Bentley's yet!"
"Oh, I didn't even notice there was more." Bert handed her a small present. "I wonder what this could be..." She tore open the wrapping paper to find that Bert had bought her...Sir Malcolm Havelock's latest book, The Lanterns Of Gethaine. "Oh, uh...it's very nice, Bert." Every year, Bert always seemed to buy her one of Havelock's books, hoping she would read them. Bert remembered that she had said she was not particularly fond of his works, so he was apparently trying to get her to read the books to change her mind. But Melissa had already read one of Havelock's books. And truthfully, she didn't really like it. Adventure novels had never really been her thing. "I'll be sure to read it, Bert."
"Oh, boy!" Bert had a feeling she would finally be interested in Havelock. "Now, all that's left is Bentley's present."
Melissa opened the last present to find that...
...Bentley had bought her a large, rather hideous looking, corked-up jug. There was a tag attached to the jug.
"From Cheapskates 'R' Us: imported cheap French perfume straight from gay ol' Paris," she read. "Seven dollars (plus tax)." Melissa sighed. Bentley was a good kid, but he had already gained a bit of a reputation of being rather...well, cheap with his presents.
"Why don't you give it a try?" Bert asked her. Melissa hesitantly removed the cork from the jug and took a whiff of the "perfume" inside. It was one of the worst aromas she'd ever had the misfortune to smell. It smelled even worse that that "Success" cologne Cyril Sneer had once tried to make her and her friends advertise for him. This stuff was potentially lethal. She barely suppressed the urge to clench her nose to keep out the stench. Melissa hurriedly put the cork back in its place. "For goodness sake, I really hope Bentley doesn't buy his mother gifts like this...and I really hope he doesn't plan on buying them for his girlfriend..." she thought to herself. "Well, it is the thought that counts," she said. "I guess I'll save this for a special occasion..." "I'll probably just throw it out," she thought.
Later that night, Ralph and Melissa were returning home to the Raccoondominium from their dinner at the Blue Spruce Cafe. It had been a lovely occasion. Ralph had opted to give Melissa a nice candlelight dinner. She had always found those very romantic, so she had really appreciated that. Ralph had even read her a poem that he had recently written for her, appropriately titled "To My Lovely Wife." It had been quite a while since he had actually written a poem for her, so she had definitely appreciated Ralph's loving gesture. He had certainly gone all out planning a romantic birthday for her. It was times like these she really felt lucky to have someone like Ralph.
Ralph slowly led his wife upstairs to their bedroom. She realized that Bert was not here. He had offered to leave them alone tonight by staying elsewhere. Tonight, Bert had decided to spend the night over at George and Nicole's place. George and Nicole had decided to go on vacation this weekend, and they wouldn't be back until Monday. So Bert figured he'd spend the night with his "little buddy" Bentley, who certainly wasn't little anymore. Bentley was now a teenager; he was now seventeen years old and almost the same size as Bert. He had really hit a growth spurt in his teenaged years. Melissa felt that Bert and Bentley would probably be having a lot of fun together tonight. They always seemed to get along quite well.
Ralph opened the door to their bedroom as Melissa followed him.
"Well, Melissa," Ralph smiled as he took off his old coat and hung it up on the rack, "I really hope you've had a nice birthday."
"Oh, believe me, honey, I have," Melissa laughed as she took off the denim jacket Ralph had gotten her for Christmas and hung it up as well, "I've had a lovely day today. You know, it's been a really long time since you've actually written a poem for me," she softly smiled. "I really appreciate that, Ralph."
"It was my pleasure," Ralph grinned. "I think this certainly makes up for last year, doesn't it?"
"Most definitely," Melissa agreed. "You know, the funny thing is this morning I thought you went off to the Standard and forgot my birthday again. I was ready to give you a real earful. Wasn't that silly of me?" she chuckled.
"Well, it was just a simple misunderstanding," her husband shrugged.
"Anyways, Ralph, thanks for the lovely evening. I really had a good birthday. I couldn't thank you enough."
"Ah, but Melissa," Ralph said, his voice taking on a rather seducing tone, "you know, your birthday isn't over yet."
Melissa was confused. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"Well, honey," Ralph said, grinning a bit mischievously, "I do have one more present for you. I figured right now would be a good time to show it to you. It's a real surprise. Would you like to find out what it is?"
Melissa was now curious of her husband's offer. "Well, sure thing, Ralph. I happen to really like surprises," she smiled.
"Well," Ralph cheekily winked at her, "come follow me and I'll show it to you." Melissa had a feeling Ralph was up to something a bit mischievous, which was a bit out of the norm for him. But she was eager to find out what her surprise was.
"Okay," Melissa replied as Ralph took her paw and led her towards their bed, when he suddenly stumbled over it.
"WOAH!" Ralph shouted as he fell over onto the bed backwards. Melissa also lost her balance and wound up on top of Ralph.
"Heheh, clumsy me, right?" Ralph smirked as he started to laugh.
"Oh yes," Melissa laughed as well. She knew Ralph had meant to do that. She was pretty certain she knew what Ralph's surprise for her was. It was rather rare for him to try to romance her...
"Well, honey, if you're looking for your surprise, it's right here beneath you," Ralph said, his grin growing in size. "Your special present is...me! Your loving husband." He paused and looked deep into her soulful blue eyes. "Tell me, what do you think? Do you like it?"
Melissa grinned widely as well. "Do I like it...? I love it. It's the best present you could give to me, Ralph. A gift that keeps on giving," she chuckled. It was rare that Ralph actually seduced her (usually it was her doing that since he was a bit on the slow side), but it certainly was working.
"Well, then..." Ralph said as he wrapped his arms tightly around her back and pulled her into a kiss. "Wow," Ralph said as he pulled away. "Thirty-five years old and still the sexiest woman I've ever known in my life. If anything, I think you're growin' hotter the older we get..." he lustfully smiled up at her. Ralph rarely used words like that to describe her, but they were definitely a turn-on.
"Well," Melissa beamed as she yanked Ralph by his scarf, "why don't I show you some of what I've learned over the years, heheh..." With that, the two of them embraced each other tightly and started to passionately kiss once more.
Melissa certainly had to admit, this was a much better birthday than last year...
Meanwhile, Bert was reclining on George and Nicole's couch, watching the television. He had decided to be nice tonight and spend the night over here to allow Ralph and Melissa some alone time with each other. He knew they already had a pretty active romantic life. It was part of the reason why Bert always got up "at the crack of noon", as Ralph had once jokingly proclaimed. Some nights, he didn't get to sleep until late because he'd heard the two of them at it from their room across the hall. Tonight, he figured it would be best to let them have some time alone where he couldn't possibly interrupt them. After all, he knew Ralph was trying to give her a romantic birthday, so he had a feeling tonight would probably be pretty wild between the two of them. Bert had to admit, it would be nice to get a good night's sleep...
Bert slowly flipped through the channels. Even to this day, Bert was still just a teeny bit envious of Ralph. Ralph had done much worse with the ladies than he had in his school days. Bert had no trouble picking up chicks, while poor Ralph just couldn't seem to get any, no matter how hard he had tried. But things had completely flip-flopped over the years. Ralph had ended up getting the girl of his dreams and here they were, tonight, probably...no, certainly sharing a special moment with each other. Bert, on the other hand, found himself unable to get the girl of his dreams, Lisa. As mentioned, the passing years had done absolutely nothing to stifle his feelings for her. She was now twenty-two years old, fresh out of graduating from college. She was now living on her own out in the Forest, living close to the Evergreen Lake. She had recently taken a job teaching at the recently renovated Evergreen Elementary, as she wanted to help the young children of the Forest get into shape early on as she had heard childhood obesity was a growing epidemic. Bert had known her closely for almost six years now, and still he was in love with her. He would often drop by the elementary school when he had the chance to visit her, often while she was coaching the kids. She knew how he felt about her. She had to know. But yet, no matter what, she seemed to not take notice of his feelings for her. She always seemed to just remain friendly with him. Not once had she ever even flirted with him. So Bert still couldn't help but be a little jealous of his old friend. Ralph had his dream girl. Bert, however, could never seem to get his. All he really had to go on were his dreams and fantasies...
"That Ralph. Such a lucky bastard..." Bert thought to himself. He wondered if it all had to do with the impression he had made on her when he had first gotten to really know her, when he had come on to her too strongly. "First impressions really DO count a whole lot..." Bert sighed. But he still remained hopeful. "She'll come around before too long. I know she will." He could still always cling to hope...
Bert turned off the TV. There wasn't anything really exciting on television anyways. He'd figured by coming over here he could have some fun with Bentley. Even though Bentley was now seventeen, he was still always Bert's "little buddy". A few things had changed for Bentley in the past few years. In the past year alone, Bentley had gotten a girlfriend; none other than Annie Ringtail, the raccoon girl who had long had a crush on him. Bert remembered that she had gotten on Bentley's nerves often when they were younger and Bentley had often boldly proclaimed he strongly disliked her. But Bentley couldn't fool his pal. Bert remembered Ralph acting a bit of the same way when he had first met Melissa...and he knew Ralph had just been denying it. He knew that Bentley would eventually come to his senses and realized that he actually loved her. And that had happened. Bert had been proud of his little buddy for getting a girlfriend, but he noticed that he seemed to spend a bit more time with her than he did with him. He had hoped Bentley might have a fun video game they could play together tonight (since today was a Saturday, Bentley didn't have school tomorrow), but instead, he had invited Annie to come study with him tonight. Presumably, that was what they were upstairs doing...
But Bert did at least have a little bit of company tonight. He had brought a new book he had purchased when he had gotten Malcolm Havelock's book for Melissa's birthday, the latest in a fairly new fantasy series. "Ah, here we go," Bert said as he pulled the book out and took a look at the cover. "The Warriors On The Edge Of Time, Book Three: The Psychedelic Warlord. By Michael Moorhen." Bert had only just discovered this series earlier this year, but he was already hooked on it...
Bert opened the book to the page he'd been on when he'd last read it. The Warriors On The Edge Of Time series contained the adventures of three brave intergalactic raccoon heroes: the brave and fearless, if somewhat loony, space knight Altair, the mild mannered and meek, but highly intelligent Deneb, who possessed psychic powers of considerable prowess, and Vega, a highly passionate and spirited space warrior who was a master at using a ray gun and also happened to be Deneb's wife. Bert took a look at the illustration on the page. "Isn't it amazing?" he wondered aloud. "Altair, Deneb, and Vega look just like myself, Ralph, and Melissa." They really and truly did. The resemblance was rather astonishing.
Bert thought back on the series so far. In Book One, The Master Of The Universe, Altair and Deneb had tried to take on the great space wizard Arcturus, but had failed mightily and been forced to seek shelter on a distant planet. There, they had met Vega, who volunteered to help the two of them rid the galaxy of the alien menace. They defeated Arcturus using their combined strength, and along the way Deneb and Vega had fallen in love. In Book Two, The Kings Of Speed, a few years had passed and Deneb and Vega had decided to get married, but their wedding plans were interrupted when Earth was invaded by the space pirate Pollux, who conquered the planet with his speedy minions, but the trio were again able to persevere and conquer the intergalactic menace. Now, in Book Three, so far Deneb and Vega were getting used to married life when the planet was attacked by the multicolored space cyclops Fomalhaut. Bert couldn't wait to see whether or not they would be able to crush Fomalhaut or not.
"I wish my life was like theirs..." Bert sighed as he drifted off into his fantasy world...
Suddenly, Bert found himself aboard a space craft traveling through the cosmos. Ralph and Melissa were there too. In his mind, he quickly realized that he, Ralph, and Melissa had become Altair, Deneb, and Vega, and that they had become the Warriors on the Edge of Time.
"Altair," Ralph/Deneb asked his friend. "Fomalhaut is too powerful and he has put the entire planet in peril. What do you suppose we should do?"
Bert/Altair thought to himself. "I say we should set a course for the planet Beta Centauri C. I've heard there is an old hermit there who knows the secret to stopping space cyclopes from causing total devastation!"
"But what if he doesn't know anything about how to stop them?" Melissa/Vega asked. "I mean, you did say he is a hermit..."
"Yes," Deneb agreed, "and what should we do then?"
Altair laughed. "Well, then, we'll stop Fomalhaut the same way we usually would stop evildoers: by blindly putting faith in ourselves and fighting like it were our last day alive!" he boldly exclaimed.
Deneb and Vega shook their heads. Altair could be so full of himself sometimes...
Bert returned to reality from his brief little fantasy. "Ah, Michael Moorhen, you are a genius..." he smiled. "You're my second favorite author besides Sir Malcolm Havelock." He closed the book, figuring he'd save the rest for later. "Say," he wondered, "I wonder if Bentley and Annie would be up for reading that?" He remembered reading the first book together with his little buddy, and Bentley did tell him he had read the second book by himself. He didn't know if Bentley had read the third one yet, though.
"I suppose I'll go upstairs and show them the book," Bert smiled as he slowly crept his way up the stairs. He knocked lightly on Bentley's door, which was closed.
"Uh, Bert!" Bentley shouted, sounding quite surprised. "If I were you, I wouldn't come in right now. Maybe later?"
Bert was curious. "You two got something going on in there?"
"Uh, no," Annie meekly replied.
"Hmm..." Bert thought to himself. "You know what, I'm going to see what those two are up to anyways..." he thought to himself. With that, Bert flung open Bentley's door...to find his little buddy and his girlfriend engaged in, well, a make-out session.
"AH! Bert, I told you not to come in," Bentley shrieked, embarrassed.
"This isn't what it looks like!" Annie frantically shouted.
"Yeah, uh, Annie and I were studying for, um..." Bentley quickly tried to think up an excuse.
"Studying for our CPR course!" Annie quickly replied. "Yes, we were just practicing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"
"Huh, if you say so," Bert said as he closed the door. Bentley was obviously a little too preoccupied to read the book right now. Bert chuckled as he made his way downstairs. "Heheh, what do you know...'studying' hasn't changed one bit since I was in high school!"
It was now about three in the morning at the Raccoondominium. And one female raccoon found herself unable to sleep...
Melissa was lying back, under the quilts, staring up at the ceiling. Ralph was fast asleep, snuggled up against her, his arm gently draped around her waist. She could feel him softly breathing against her neck. She did feel quite comfortable, but oddly enough, she just could not sleep...
Melissa thought about the events of the previous day. Her birthday. Ralph had really and truly gone all out for her. He had made breakfast for her. He had gotten her that new tea set she had mentioned that she had her heart set upon. He had taken her out for a lovely candlelight dinner and read a poem to her. And to top it all off, he had given her a really fun time...sure, she and Ralph did have an active love life, but it had been quite a while since he had shown her that much passion. Even though a few hours had passed since then, it still brought a huge smile to her face. She was already looking forward to seeing what he would cook up for their anniversary next year, which would mark their twelfth year of marriage. It was hard to believe they'd been married that long...it didn't seem like it had been that long.
There were times in the past year she had wondered if Ralph didn't love her as much as he used to when they were a little younger. He seemed to be very focused on his work lately, a bit more so than ever. At times he did seem a little distant. Plus they had a few hardships during that time. This spring, Ralph's father, Arthur, had finally given up the ghost and passed away. Another heart attack in his sleep had finally put him out of his suffering. He had been in ill health for a long time, so it was nice to know he wasn't suffering anymore. But still, it had saddened Ralph. He and his father had never been on the best of terms, but Art still was his father and he did love him. The funeral had been quite hard on him. In addition, in the past summer they had made the decision to start using computers at the Standard, and Ralph...needless to say, was not very proficient with computers at all. He didn't really understand how they worked and he had a hard time adjusting to the new technology. He was getting better at using them, but he still wasn't quite there yet. More often than not, Bert had to help him since he had learned a few things from Bentley. At times like these, Ralph did seem a bit distant. But days like this removed all doubt in Melissa's mind; Ralph still loved her very much, and he always would. And she would always feel the same, too. She was proud to be Ralph's wife.
Melissa's thoughts also turned to her career. She had become rather renowned as a photographer over the past decade. When she had decided to publish a book of some of her photographs, it had gotten some very good reviews and she had even gotten a job offer to work for the World Times magazine. It had been an interesting job offer, but she didn't really want the job as she felt too at home in the Forest. She didn't want to have to leave her friends, her home, or her husband for long periods of time. They were too close to her heart and she would have missed them dreadfully. Plus she had found them to be quite unethical; they had a policy that reporters and photographers were not allowed to interfere with the story they were assigned to in any way, shape, or form, even if someone's life was in danger. This might not have bothered some people, but Melissa was far too kind-hearted. If someone was in trouble, she would always try to help. Needless to say, she was quite glad she hadn't ended up working for them. Over the past few years, Melissa had published a few more books; she was now up to four books published, and likely to work on a fifth one in the coming new year. She had received many more offers from several prestigious newspapers and magazines to take jobs with them, but she always turned them down. She could never leave the Forest or those there she loved. Even so, she was quite proud of her career.
Melissa surely had to be proud of herself. She knew she was living a happier life than many other women in the Forest, and indeed, the rest of the world itself. She had a loving husband who thought the world of her and a successful career that brought her joy as well. She knew quite a few other women who didn't have either of those. She knew there were some out there in the Forest who envied her life and would have gladly traded places with her given the opportunity; Lady Baden-Baden being one of them. Melissa knew she should be grateful for what she had; she had an almost perfect life. But somehow, lately...she had started to feel that something was missing in her life. It just felt to her that there was something that was supposed to be there that she did not have. She couldn't even begin to guess at what it was or why she should even feel this way. She didn't know what to think about it. Was this what they called a mid-life crisis? The feeling of having something unfulfilled in life? But she was only thirty-five, not forty-five...thirty-five wasn't quite midway through life...or was it? She didn't know, but this had kept her up at night several times and here it was keeping her up again.
She glanced at Ralph. She felt at a time like this, she needed someone to talk to. But she didn't want to wake her sleeping husband. He seemed so calm, so peaceful in his sleep. But she remembered what he had said to her once. "Melissa, if you're ever feeling down in life, you can always talk to me. I'll always lend an ear to your problems." That had been when they were dating. She didn't want to wake him, but, she did want someone to talk to right now...
Melissa gently whispered into Ralph's ear. "Ralph, wake up. Please?"
No response. Ralph hardly stirred in his sleep. Of course, she knew Ralph was a bit of a heavy sleeper...
Melissa lightly tapped Ralph on his nose, hoping to rouse him. "Please, Ralph, honey, wake up..." she said, a bit louder than last time.
Ralph stirred a bit, but he didn't wake up. "Mmm...Melissa..." he softly moaned in his sleep, tightening his grip on her. It was obvious he was dreaming about her.
She wanted him to wake up, so she resorted to something she didn't want to do..."Ralph! Wake up, wake up!" she shouted at him.
Ralph jolted awake with a start. "AAAH! I'm up honey, I'm up, I'm up!" He turned his gaze towards his wife. "What's the matter, Melissa? Did you have a bad dream?"
"No, Ralph," Melissa replied, her voice sounding more calm. "It's not that. It's just that...I can't sleep, Ralph."
"Oh. Well, what's wrong? I thought you had a good birthday. Is something bothering you? I'm all ears right now," Ralph sympathetically responded.
"Ralph, I did have a good birthday, thank you very much, but...I've been doing a lot of thinking lately..." she admitted.
"About what?" he wondered.
"Ralph...have you ever felt like there was something missing in your life? Like there was a void in your life but you didn't know what could fill it?"
"Huh?" Ralph was confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, have you ever felt as if there was something in your life that should be there, but for whatever reason, it isn't?" Melissa earnestly asked.
"Well," Ralph admitted, "not since I met you and not since we opened up the Standard. Why do you ask? Do you feel like there's something missing in your life, honey?"
"Yes," Melissa sighed. "I've felt this way for a little while now. I don't know what it is that could be missing. I mean, I have a wonderful life as it is, but it just feels like something is not there. Help me, Ralph. What should I do?"
Ralph was unsure how to exactly help her in this situation. "I...I don't know, dear. I'm not sure how I could even begin to help you out there."
"You could think of something."
"I suppose you'll have to figure what it is that's missing and then figure out how to get it. That's what I did when I felt that way. I really don't know how else I can help you, sorry Melissa. I wish I could help..." He placed his warm paw on top of hers. He couldn't help but wonder if Melissa was having one of those mid-life crises...
"It's alright," Melissa sighed. "I'm sorry I woke you, Ralph, I just felt I needed to talk to you about it. I couldn't wait until the morning."
"Well, it's no problem," Ralph smiled. "But let's try to get some sleep now, honey. We can sleep in a bit tomorrow since it's a Sunday, remember? No work tomorrow."
"Right, right," Melissa nodded.
"Well, good night, Melissa," Ralph said as he kissed her. "I'm sure you'll be able to work out your problem if you put your mind to it."
"I hope so..." Melissa replied, sounding unsure. "Night, Ralph."
Melissa sighed as she eventually drifted off into a rather restless sleep...
END CHAPTER ONE
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, there's chapter 1 of "Beat The Clock"...an interesting start to the story. Melissa is beginning to feel a void in her otherwise happy life. Of course, you already know the plot, so you pretty much know what she's going to decide that void is...not having children. But that'll come in later chapters. As I said this story will definitely take a turn towards the emotional side of things in later chapters, so hope you have some tissues ready...I'm kidding, I'm kidding, but still, do be forewarned. I think this was a fairly good introduction to the two plots, as we also see Bert's fantasy life and the beginning of his little subplot. THAT will be a lot of fun. Now, time for some notes.
The little song Bert listens to on the radio...vintage hit from 1973 by the Sweet. "Block-Buster!" Awesome song. The Sweet have the honor of being my guilty pleasure (I say guilty pleasure because I happen to be a bit of an intellectual and someone of my intelligence should naturally hate music like this) band, and I, needless to say, have been listening to a bunch of their stuff lately. (I have Funny How Sweet Co-Co Can Be and Sweet Fanny Adams, their first two albums (in England only) packaged together as an import.) "Block-Buster!" was a #1 hit in early 1973 in the UK, but didn't fare as well in America...barely making the top 100 in the US and Canada. A shame, I really like this song. I can easily see Bert being into the glam rock scene when he was younger. With an imagination like his, it just seems like it would be his kind of thing.
Michael Moorhen, the fantasy writer Bert is taking an interest in, is a name parody of fantasy/sci-fi writer Michael Moorcock, probably most famous for writing the "Jerry Cornelius" series as well as various other sci-fi works, and also for collaborating with the 1970s' space-rock band Hawkwind, probably most famous for launching the career of Ian Kilmister, aka "Lemmy", who you might know for having gone on to front the band Motorhead. The books are all named after Hawkwind songs (gee, I really take my rock fandom seriously), and the series itself is named after the band's 1975 album Warrior On The Edge Of Time. How would I describe this band's music...it really does sound like music you would hear if you were flying through space. "Psychedelic warlords" indeed. As for the characters, they're all named for stars in the sky: Altair is a star in the constellation Aquila ("The Eagle"), Deneb is a star in the constellation Cygnus ("The Swan"), and Vega is a star in the constellation Lyra ("The Lyre"). There's a reason I'd choose those as the names for the starring characters in the novel...these three stars together make up the vertices of the Summer Triangle. So they would make fitting names for a trio of adventurers. As for the villainous characters, Arcturus is a star in the constellation Bootes ("The Herdsman"), Pollux is a star in the constellation Gemini ("The Twins"), and Fomalhaut is a star in the constellation Piscis Austrinus ("The Southern Fish"). Interestingly enough Pollux and Fomalhaut have been discovered to have planets orbiting them. Yes, I do know my astronomy (I've always loved astronomy), and obviously Moorhen is someone big on astronomy as well. Obviously Bert is getting the idea to try to write his own novel...
For some little things in the fanfic...Bert and Lisa? Well, I know a lot of people have wanted to see them become a couple and a lot of people really like the as a pair. But being realistic...I honestly lean towards the two of them not getting together. If the age difference between them isn't a big enough obstacle, that impression Bert made on her certainly doesn't help him out at all. When she signs the letter to Bert "Your friend always, Lisa" at the end of "Spring Fever", I think there is a realistic chance she actually means just that; that they will only be friends. But I can easily see poor stubborn Bert clinging onto hope that maybe he will get the woman he loves, even if it is beyond possible.
As for the significance of Melissa turning thirty-five in this fanfic...it's because a woman's chance of becoming a mother significantly decreases after thirty-five. Obviously significant considering the plot for this story...see what I mean about this thing becoming emotional?
Anyways, that's Chapter 1, and I hope you'll stay tuned for Chapter 2...coming next month! You'll see most of this story in the summer.
