Title: 49 to 50 Author: Katie Vieceli Disclaimer: Naruto was created by Kishimoto Masashi, and is copyright to Shueisha, I believe. But unequivocally not mine.
Summary: Kishimoto-sensei says Gai is the most cheerful person in Konoha. There has to be a reason, right?

To be honest, I think this more of a PG-13 fic, if that. But just to be safe, I yanked it up to a R.

XXXXXXXXX

The first time Gai won, it was with an elbow to the teeth followed with a quick blow to the ribs. Kakashi went down like a ton of bricks, the one eye that wasn't swollen shut glaring sleepily up at him.

By the time Gai was seventeen, he had discovered other, more entertaining methods of winning. There was a particular flick-twist of the wrist that was almost guaranteed to get Kakashi off. It was a difficult maneuver to perfect, but Gai was nothing if not a master of hand to er...hand combat.

The problem was with practice. Kakashi could only take so much before he had to make his excuses. Vigorous perusal of the comic book he had recently begun to carry everywhere helped bring him back to speed, but there was only so much one man could take. Besides, Gai didn't want Kakashi to copy his hard-won secrets.

He sat in the square, looking over his prospects thoughtfully. He considered Asuma for a while, but decided against it when he thought of Kurenai. Better to stick to people who were single. And...fairly open-minded as well. He knew it was only for practice, but others might take it differently. It wasn't exactly like asking someone to spar, after all.

After a particularly disastrous training session with Iruka, he amended his list to exclude ticklish people as well. There were a few successes-Kakashi's teammate offered helpful tips as well as practice, but overall everything was going very badly. He'd never win at this rate.

He was about to throw in the towel when a long shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Orochimaru standing over him.

Orochimaru looked him up and down. "I heard that you were looking for some training help. Perhaps I can assist you?" His long tongue flickered out to wet his lips.

"Err." Unconsciously, he began to back up. He'd been hearing some funny rumors about the legendary ninja lately. "That's okay."

"Well, you aren't really my type anyway." He departed, and the air around the bench Gai was sitting on seemed to decrease in tempature by several degrees.

Quickly making his way home, he decided this was probably the sort of technique you needed to practice by yourself. So he did. Several times, until his sister pounded on the bathroom door and screamed for him to come out. He almost screamed that he was out, dammit, he'd told her years ago, but knew that wasn't what she meant.

He felt prepared and ready when he went to Kakashi's apartment for their weekly sparring session. Ten minutes later, as he was sprawled out on the living room floor, he swore inwardly. Nobody had mentioned anything about blowjobs. That had been cheating.

End.