A/N: Originally posted on live journal, felt like posting it here, too. B.t.w., my account is 'Ildoza'. (: - And this will be a series of one shots, all based on P!nk songs.
I'm Not Dead
But it feels like it. It feels like there isn't a meaning anymore – not that there ever was a certain meaning per se; he's never been one to wonder over things like that. But before it wasn't necessary either. Sure, there were times in high school where he wasn't happy, and there was even that one time…
Even then, though, he felt like… well, he felt like living. He had his mum, and he took care of her.
Now? All he can think about is his next needle, his next hit, when he can get fucking high again. Because it's really all he has left. Sure, once there was a time when he never would have thought about it. Never. He knew all the facts and the statistics, and of course he still does, but now he also know how it feels. How great (fantastic!) it feels, and sure there are times when he's in doubt, but he can't regret taking those bottles from Tobias.
Tobias wouldn't have minded. In fact, Reid is pretty sure that he would have approved it.
There are times when he's even happy that Tobias kidnapped him. Without that advent he wouldn't have known the pleasurable feeling sticking a needle into his body could bring.
He still feels dead though. But maybe it's just because he's in heaven.
