Fuck her life. Seriously. Why is she always attracted to the stupid, sensitive, lost-puppy type? First there was that massive train wreck with Brittany, and now Finn, and honestly, why can't she just be with someone who doesn't care about feelings and shit? How can that kind of relationship be any more unhealthy than the one she's in with Finn? He's just fucking gone and stormed out of her house like a hormonal teenage girl, and that can't be healthy. It's pathetic, actually.
Whatever. She doesn't care.
She's gonna watch TV.
-/-
So maybe she cares a little. She can't stop fucking thinking about it, and it's making her feel terrible. Like, what if she's the one in the wrong here?
Urgh, okay. So he was at hers, and they were totally about to get it on. Don't act so surprised, they've been kind of seeing each other for like, five months now, when she walked out of prom after the whole Prom Queen bullshit and ran into him outside, where he was having this major panic attack over everything. She'd told him to "calm his shit" and made him drive her to the Dairy Queen because she was ready to fucking kill someone in order to get a Cookie Dough blizzard. They were definitely the best-dressed people in that dump, that's for sure. Anyway, the surprising thing was, he made her laugh so fucking much, because he was just so fucking clueless. But she had an awesome time, and they started hanging out regularly. And then making out. And then fucking, and it kind of just turned into this weird relationship thing, and she didn't even hate it that much.
So he was in her room, and her parents were out, and she was doing that thing where she let him pretend he had control over the situation, just because she knows that he needs to feel all controlling and manly sometimes, or it hurts his precious little ego. And so he was pinning her to the bed and she was only wearing a tank top and her underwear, and his hand was in his panties, and she was so fucking close to coming, and then he went and ruined everything by saying "San, I love you."
And seriously, what the fuck was she supposed to say to that? All she'd wanted was an orgasm, so she was all "You'd better, I'm fucking awesome. Oh shit, Finn, keep going."
He'd breathed out this little laugh, and he pressed harder against her clit with his thumb. "Santana, be serious."
And she was clinging to the sheets and writhing against him, and her eyes were closed and she was almost there. "Mmm, yeah, I am. Oh fuck yes, Finn, yes. Yes."
Finn spoke again, but she didn't hear or care, because suddenly she was flying over the edge and moaning freely, because fuck, she's taught him well.
When she came down from her high he was lying on her side watching her, and she let out this small humming sound of satisfaction. Finn smiled.
"Well?" He said, probing her, and she turned her head to look at him.
"Well what?"
"What do you think?"
"About the orgasm? B plus."
His face fell. "B plus? Is that- No wait. Santana, didn't you hear what I said? I love you."
She patted his cheek gently. "Alright, well, there's no need to keep saying it. Besides, it would be hard not to love me. I told you, I'm awesome. Now get your pants off."
He pulled away from her then, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes because she just knew that this shit was going to happen the second he told her.
"Seriously?" He said, and he sounded pissed.
She props herself up on one elbow, challenging him. "What?"
"That's all you're going to say on the subject?"
"What else is there to say?" She asked him, and she watched as a bunch of different emotions flashed instantly across his face, ranging from anger to hurt.
He left then, slamming the door after him, and she remained on the bed wondering why she felt as though she'd just kicked a goddamn kitten.
So yeah. Maybe this entire thing is her fault.
-/-
He doesn't call her. It maybe kind of worries her, a little. He always calls. Even that one time where they'd gotten into a fight over Quinn (she was jealous, okay, whatever, she's over it) and she slapped him, he was the one who called to apologize to her. He hadn't even done anything wrong.
So it's not, you know, good.
Puck is the one who calls her.
"The fuck did you do to my boy?" He demands the second she answers her phone, and she legit just scoffs. She can't be assed with this.
"Nothing. Tell your boy to stop acting like a fucking kid."
"Don't be such a bitch, Satan. He was round at mine for like, an hour, practically fucking crying into a pillow. I had to kick him out because Rachel is coming over and I'm working my fucking ass off to get to third base here. Not so easy to do when you have Frankenteen blubbering in the damn corner."
"Oh well, fuck your life," She says sarcastically, shoving a pizza in the microwave.
"Fuck you, Santana. Just fucking fix it."
He hangs up then, and God, what the fuck is even wrong with everyone lately? Finn shouldn't have said those words, because damn, what is it about them that make people go insane?
-/-
So maybe "you'd better" isn't the best way to respond to "I love you". She gets that now. But fuck, what was she supposed to say? I love you too? The last time she said that to someone she got her heart fucking stomped on like it was nothing, and she does not want to go through that shit again, okay? So sue her for protecting herself. Why doesn't Finn get that? Shit.
-/-
The thing is though, Finn actually gets a lot of stuff. Like, that night at prom, when they were sitting at the Dairy Queen, he knew that she was pissed and upset at Brittany and Artie. She didn't even tell him, he just knew. And then he told her this stupid story about how Artie ran over his foot one time and forgot to apologize, and it was like, the meanest thing he could say about the guy, but it made her feel a little bit better anyway.
And there was this one time when she got into this massive fight with her dad and she wanted Finnocence to put on a movie and say his stupid little cute things to make her feel better. Her Dad is like, her favorite person ever, okay? Shut up. Anyway, so she showed up at his house at like, 9pm, and Puck and Mike were there having a Halo tournament, and the second Finn saw how upset she was, he legit just kicked the guys out of his house and shut the door in their faces, which she's not gonna lie, was pretty hot. She likes it when he takes control of stuff, okay? Not all the time though, God no. She calls the shots here. Which is why it's pissing her off that she's gonna have to be the one to call him, despite the fact he knows that she hates making the first move when it comes to shit like this. Fuck him.
-/-
She caves at midnight, when she sees him on Facebook leaving comments on everyone's page except hers. And whatever, Facebook is total bullshit and she really doesn't care about that, but annoys her to know that he's like, purposely ignoring her, or whatever.
And also, she kind of feels bad. She really hurt his stupid feelings, and she kind of wants to know that he's okay, you know?
She shudders at the thought of actually caring. Gross.
So yeah, she calls him. And he picks up on the first ring. She rolls her eyes at his eagerness. Doesn't he know that you answer on the fourth or fifth ring to seem aloof and uncaring? God.
"Hey," He says, and she bites on her lip.
"Hi," There's a short pause and she sighs. "Are you ready to come out of your little mood yet?"
Finn lets out this angry sort of growl, and she's not gonna lie, it turns her on a little bit. The thing is though, that was her way of asking if he was okay, and he should know that.
"God, San. I don't... Fuck. What the hell is your problem?"
She splutters indignantly. "Um, my problem? You're the one who went away huffing like a thirteen year old girl."
"Yeah because I told you I loved you, and I got nothing back!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have said it," She says coldly, and she hears him groan at the other end of the line.
"Well maybe I shouldn't have," He says, his tone of voice matching hers. It sounds unnatural to hear him so mad at her. "Or maybe you should have taken it seriously! Who the fuck answers "I love you" with "you'd better, I'm awesome" and "alright, but you don't have to keep saying it"? Jesus Christ, Santana!"
"Well maybe I don't love you," She seethes, anger seeping from every pore.
He's quiet for a second, like he's thinking, and she's just about ready to scream out of sheer frustration. When he answers, his voice is tired. "Fine. Okay."
And she doesn't know how to reply, so she hangs up.
So the entire phone call was pretty much a fail.
She goes to bed angry, and wakes up feeling really pretty depressed about this shit.
-/-
They ignore each other at school the next day, and she swears at Rachel, who gives her this huge lecture about unresolved tension being bad for group morale, and she's just about ready to fucking punch the girl in the face. She heads for Puck's locker, with Rachel following close behind her, still yapping on and on about Sectionals, and how they need a huge comeback since they didn't place at Nationals, and for a good comeback, high morale is a must, and could she please maybe talk to Finn.
"Puckerman," She barks, and Puck spins around, raising his eyebrow when he sees the two girls standing before him. "Take your girlfriend away from me before I choke her."
Puck laughs as Rachel looks offended, and he reaches out to take her by the shoulders, pulling her into his arms. Santana glares at her, nods a thank you to Puck, and walks away.
-/-
Finn ignores her at school the next day too.
-/-
And the day after that.
-/-
And the day after that.
-/-
And the day after that.
-/-
Look, she refuses to cave first, okay? He's acting like a kid and she refuses to play his little game.
Except there's a part of her that knows this isn't a game, and that he's really fucking hurt, and she tries not to think about that too much.
Since when does she care this much about a guy anyway? She's just as pathetic as he is.
-/-
So she misses him. Whatever. She's allowed to admit that to herself, right? She's watching Zombieland, and it makes her remember the time Finn showed her this zombie-survival guide that he and Puck had written when she was at his place. She remembers laughing hysterically because holy fuck, how is it even possible for Finn and Puck to be any more idiotic, but then Finn said that he was only showing her because he really doesn't want her to die if there was a zombie apocalypse, and that was a good enough reason to give him head right then and there.
He just says the cutest things sometimes, and he doesn't even know how cute he is.
-/-
Whenever he came over, he'd always bring her a strawberry milkshake or a lemon-lime slushie, just because he knows how much she loves them. She misses that too.
-/-
She thinks that she's maybe let this whole situation get a little too far. It's kind of spiraled into some big thing, and she doesn't like it.
And then she thinks that saying I love you to someone is actually a really big thing too. And she acted like it wasn't.
And then she thinks that he's totally right for being so mad, but she doesn't know what to do about it.
-/-
She's not ready to say it to him. She thinks she probably could love him, if she'd just let herself. She wouldn't even have to try really, but the thing is, she has these stupid arguments with herself where she tries to talk herself out of it, because she really can't be hurt and humiliated like the last time. She's not gonna let that happen ever again.
But maybe she'll stop fighting so hard. Loosen up, maybe. Just a little bit.
-/-
She is so bad at relationships, it's not even fucking funny.
-/-
It's been over a week since they started fighting, and she knows that she's going to end it. It's just a case of apologizing to him, and honestly, that's never been a strong point of hers. She doesn't really know how to apologize actually. For a five-letter word, 'sorry' is actually a really hard word to say.
-/-
The turning point comes when she sees him walking down the hall at lunch with Rachel. It makes her nervous, okay? Those two have that stupid off-again/on-again thing and she really, really doesn't want it to be on again. She knows that she's being ridiculous because Rachel is like, annoyingly happy with Puck, but the thought of Finchel (gross) making a comeback just fucking sucks, okay?
So suddenly, she's storming over to Finn with a freshly-purchased lemon-lime slushie (they're his favorite too), and she's holding it out for him. He takes it, wearing that same look he gets in math class, when Mrs King tries to teach him pi.
"Look, I'm sorry for being such a bitch, okay? The words scare me, whatever, and I can't say them yet, but I really like you. And I don't like the shit that's been happening lately."
It's the worst apology in the history of apologies, but she's never been more genuine and she can tell that Finn gets that. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Rachel beam at her and attempt to walk away inconspicuously.
"Really?" Finn grins at her hugely and she can't help but smile back at him. She nods, and holy shit, the relief that floods through her is almost like an orgasm. Except not really, but still, you know, it's a good feeling.
Finn grabs her then, pulling her into his arms and she sighs impatiently, but hugs him back for a second before kissing him eagerly, her hand reaching up to slide through his hair. They kiss for a long moment, ignoring the odd catcall coming from somewhere behind her.
"It sucked, you know? This last week. I missed you." Finn says when they break apart, and Santana ignores the fluttery feeling in her stomach. What even is that?
"You too," She says, watching him as he licks his lips and takes a small sip of his slushie. "So you love me, huh?"
He nods and she grins, snatching the slushie from his hands. She starts walking to the cafeteria, looking back at him over one shoulder. "If you love me you'll let me have this. And you'll also drive me home."
Finn laughs and starts following her. "So this is how it's gonna be?"
She winks, flashing him her trademark smirk. "Would you really have it any other way?"
No. He wouldn't.
