DISCLAIMER: I do not own Furuba ( As far as copyrights go. I have 3 books.) so all the characters and some references to the actual manga in this fic belong to Natsuki Takaya.
I Can't
Three teenagers walk home from school. The girl with chestnut brown hair makes both boys smile. She chats with the one who has flaming orange hair, but the other seems distant. His purplish slate hair is a bit shaggy, covering his piercing violet eyes. Yuki.
He watches Tohru and Kyou. They are so friendly...his thoughts are cloudy, but full of jealousy. Why is he so reserved? Haru was right. He should start calling her Tohru. But Honda-san was a bridge that was hard to cross. It was old, but separated him from the one person he really cared about. He can't keep running from it. He needed to ask her out...then he'd try.
Thankfully, Kyou would be at the Dojo all weekend, and Shigure would be visiting Hatori until late tonight. The timing was too perfect.
"So Yuki, what do you want me to make for dinner?" Tohru's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Yuki?" she poked her head out of the doorway.
"Toh...ru" he blushed as he fumbled with the strange word. "I need to talk to you." Tohru hadn't noticed that he crossed the bridge. "Um...okay. Is something wrong?" she said, concern washing over her face in a wave. "Oh, I mean...not to push or anything! I was just wondering, 'cuz you seem down and...um...eh..." she hung her head. Yuki couldn't help but give a weak smile. "No...let's go to the base, okay?" He walked her there.
Tohru followed him blindly. The secret base had never made her nervous before, but it did now. "So why did you wanna talk?" she looked around. Yup, they were alone. Oh Mom. I hope it isn't what I think it is. I hope Yuki isn't going to tell me what I think he is...
Yuki studied her, trying to think of the best way to tell her. "Honda-san...Tohru," he corrected himself, "I...I...um..." He leaned in, and put his hand on her shoulder so he wouldn't fall. Just as he kissed her, their eyes closed. It was over too soon for him. She pulled back. "Yuki. Don't." She said firmly. Yuki winced. He was afraid that would happen. "No, it's not that I don't like you...but..." she blushed with the realization of what she'd said. "I can't." She said finally.
"Why not? I love you, Tohru!" Yuki shouted. He felt a lump in his throat. He tried to swallow it, but it stayed. He hated this. "I can't live without you!" he choked out, voice cracking. He was on the verge of tears. This wasn't happening!
"Yuki...I'm...I'm so sorry. But you and...Kyou are both so wonderful! I'm just not ready to choose between you, Yuki. I'm not ready to see the pain in the other's face. Please...try to understand." Tears streamed down her pretty face. Mom always said to avoid hurting people at all costs. "Especially if they mean the world to you. Don't let them shut the world off because of you." She said. "I don't want to hurt you. And, this isn't final, either. Please don't do this."
Yuki got up, his eyes full with tears. "Okay. I...I understand. It's okay. Sorry for the trouble." He brushed a tear from her cheek and turned to go back to the house. He needed to sleep this off. That's all he wanted. "Yuki..." Tohru reached out to him. "No, really, it's okay." He found a fake smile. "I just need to be alone for a while." He left like a whisper, leaving the clearing hollow. "Yuki..." Tohru said again, and then collapsed into a puddle on the ground.
Yuki laid on his bed, his faced buried in a pillow. He had been rejected by Tohru because of that stupid cat. He couldn't stand it. How was it that he was Prince Yuki to every girl except the one who could heal him? They don't know him...but she does. He must really be horrible. He cried bitter tears of despair. He hated himself more than ever.
Dinner was awkward. Shigure was back, but Kyou wasn't. Perhaps that was for the better. Yuki would have wrung his neck. "Why so glum, you two? You could hear a pin drop in this funeral home." Shigure teased, elbowing Yuki. He just brushed the dog off. Just once he'd like to send him flying.
"It's nothing." Yuki snapped. But it didn't sound like nothing. Tohru looked down at her plate. She quietly told them that she was going to the grocery store. "No need to walk me...I'll be quick. I just need one thing." She knew when to disappear. She was clearly not wanted at the moment.
"So you asked her out...and she said no?" Yuki looked at Shigure in surprise. "Yeah...how'd you know?"
"I just figured. You know, Yuki...you should let Tohru open up to you. She does it for so many people, but rarely gets that chance herself. She's naturally forgiving and nice...but needs to weigh her options. Let her...don't force her to pick." Yuki nodded.
"Yeah. You're right...I shouldn't chase her. She'll run away. And then...we wouldn't have our Tohru. We can't let that happen... not to her. It wouldn't be right of us to do something so awful." Yuki realized what he had said, and left without another word.
He found Tohru walking home. It was more of a trudge than her normal upbeat skip. She saw him, but looked away. Her turquoise eyes had turned blue gray. "Yuki...I..." She blurted. He stopped her. "Tohru, don't be sorry. It's my fault! I shouldn't force you to love me. I guess...I need to become a better person still. I'm still so selfish." He looked down at his tie. "But Tohru...I'm still changing. I WILL change...for you, Tohru."
"Yuki, you aren't selfish. I don't want you to change. I love you, Yuki, just the way you are! Maybe I need some improvement too. With some time, I'll open up. And...I'll have to choose. But I won't give up! I need to do this for you." She kissed his cheek, and Yuki smiled the first real smile of the whole day. Sweet tears streaked his pale face.
"Tohru." It had never sounded so sweet.
