Strapped down in the dark, with nothing to do, he remembers.
He remembers the pit-pattering of rain and the pained gasp and the splintering of bone with bleeding flesh. He remembers the cold fear in his stomach heavy as lead (I don't want to die I don't want to die) when all his comrades fall and he is the one left standing. He remembers brave, foolish, Amon (but isn't he the same) with his right arm gone, but still determined to fight until the last breath. (Shame that it was all in vain.)
Most importantly, he remembers the face of his (Rival? Superior? Comrade?) who he only saw from one side. (But it's too late now, little boy. You've always been too late. Look where you've ended up now.)
Life, he thinks, has a funny way of messing people up. It gives you what you wish for, but does so in a way you'd wish you had never asked. Maybe, the world is just one sick joke. A joke, where everyone's a puppet, dancing to the tune of an unseen master.
This world is wrong.
The door opens, and the albino ghoul with the red iron mask steps inside, followed by a middle-aged man with a lab cloak (a doctor, perhaps?) Murmurs of words such as "success" and "experiment" float around, but Takizawa doesn't notice—what is far more pressing is the sudden hunger that claws at his belly—not the usual kind that makes your stomach growl, but the kind which almost borders on to physical pain. Dimly, he remembers hearing something about this in the past.
But it can't be true. It just can't. Can it?
Smiling far too serenely, the Doctor takes out a small handheld mirror and holds it towards his face. And what Takizawa sees, utterly shocks him.
No, the fact that he looks malnourished with bones jutting out near the skin doesn't faze him at all. Nor does the fact that his left arm suddenly managed to regenerate itself surprise him either. But what does horrify him, what he focuses on the most, is that damned, demonic left eye (with the black sclera, red irises and tainted veins—the whole package), the markings of a monster.
But it can't be true. It just can't. Can it?
Loud, roaring, mad laughter (or are they sobs) echoes through the cell that day.
This world is wrong.
In the dark, wretched cell he now calls home, time is irrelevant. (Has it been days? Weeks? Months? Years? Who knows?)
Sometimes, he thinks about Amon. Is he in the same situation as me? Is he even still alive at this point? What about Houji-san and the rest of CCG? What about my family? All of my precious people, I wish I could see you again…
On other days (or nights) he pleads for somebody to save him. (But of course no one came. Who would want to help poor, expendable Seidou?)
The experiments (torture) no longer hurts. He's been stabbed, prodded, sliced, and burnt for far too many times. The ghoul with the iron mask (Tatara, he believes) seems to realise this too.
However, the only thing that remains a constant in this new hell is the gnawing hunger in his stomach. I'm hungry I'm so hungry I'm so hungry feed me I'll do anything—
His wish is granted, when Tatara brings in two new prisoners in front of him.
Mom and dad.
He's not supposed to be doing this he's supposed to be the dutiful son he's supposed to protect them but this hunger and the smell it smells so good he's been without food for so long now and finally he has something to eat eateateateateat…
Flashes of red. Cries of pain.
Then silence.
Crunch Crunch. Gobble Gobble. Munch Munch.
(This part, what is it? It tastes so sweet! It's like soft jelly…)
His hunger sated (for now) the bloodlust clears. He opens his eyes and—
Sees his hands stained with blood (a murderer).
What have I done?
Mommy, daddy, I'm sorry! I can't help it! I couldn't help it!
The tears fall.
(But it's too late now, little boy. You've always been too late. And now, you can't take anything back.)
This world is wrong.
Life afterwards, quickly becomes a blur. Although the hunger is still there (as it will be, for always) it's dulled, tamed, ever since his…agreement with Eto (that bastard). Whenever he does a good job 'cleaning up,' she feeds him. In turn, he follows her every command. It's a good deal, (if dealing with a demon can ever be called 'good') because at the very least, he's special now. He's strong now. Not like when he was still weak, pathetic, Takizawa Seidou.
They have already taken away my family, my humanity, and finally, even my sanity. What more can I lose staying with Aogiri?
However, in the dark, niggling corners of his shattered mind, the envy and the insecurity whispers poisons into his ear. Especially regarding the other half-ghoul, Sasaki Haise (Kaneki Ken); the Doctor's masterpiece.
Shouldn't it be him?
Chewing his fingers absentmindedly (another small change) he is jolted out of his reverie when Eto turns around.
"So, can you do it, Takizawa?"
"Hurry up. I'm starving!"
He supposes he underestimated Yotsume's unwavering loyalty to her 'onii-chan,' even to the point of disobeying orders. His nose crinkles in disgust. For what point is there in protecting a broken shell of a man who will never recognise her nor thank her?
No good deed goes unpunished. But Haise (Kaneki) must be a lucky, lucky man, if only because so many people wish to protect him.
But what about him? What has CCG (or anyone, really?) done to save him?
Not surprisingly, the CCG's Shinigami comes. Drawn to the sound of his protege screaming, perhaps. What's even more surprising though, is the appearance of Takizawa's (Rival? Superior? Comrade?)
Between the first and the second is a huge gap. Being Second is just a consolation for the loser. Yes, a consolation for them not to think that, as long as there's someone above them...they're nothing but a loser. The gap between a perfect 100 mark and a 99 is not just one point…
"Hihi…It's Mado!"
I wonder, what will she think of me now?
Through the distractions and the shock, he manages to jump through a window and flee.
You've always been a coward.
This world is wrong.
Life, he thinks, has a funny way of messing people up. It gives you what you wish for, but does so in a way you'd wish you had never asked. Maybe, the world is just one sick game. But, instead of betting money, you bet on your life.
Because if you don't play, you don't win.
And only the strongest survive.
This world is wrong.
My first full on fanfic, so I hoped that you enjoyed it! Also if you don't mind, please leave a review! I would love to hear your thoughts (and any tips on how I might improve!) so thanks!
