It wasn't easy, walking away from the battle. I felt as thought I was neither victorious nor defeated.

I didn't want the Dark Lord to win.

No, but I didn't want to be at the mercy of bloody Harry Potter either.

So I sat there on either side of my parents, my mother with her shaking hands clasped together in her lap, and my father staring ahead at the scenes of love, friendship, victory, dancing before him, but his eyes were unmoving, his face bore the marks of Voldemort's (Yes, I can call him that now that he's DEAD) wrath, and I, I sat motionless. We were silent, silent in both our silent joy of reuniting, and silent in our quiet defeat as both a Death Eater family, and a respected family.

There was a burning in the pit of my stomach, a burning behind my eyes, a dizzying warmness that threatened to overwhelm me. When had I last slept? I didn't know, I couldn't say.

I closed my eyes, the only movement I felt my mind and body capable of, and I fell asleep on my mother's shoulder. When we left Hogwarts the next day, father went into question. He returned a free man, on probation, he gave names, lists, every bit of information they wanted. He saved our family, but I couldn't look at him as a hero.

He has failed as a Death Eater, a father, and a respectable human being. What am I to say about him? Thanks for selling out the last of your murdering friends so you could avoid jail and we could avoid another public scandal. Thanks for being a Death Eater and almost allowing the Dark Lord, no fuck that- almost allowing VOLDEMORT to kill me for you foolishness under his reign, but sentencing me to KILL my headmaster.

My life, so sweet as a child, adored and cared for, rich and privileged had become nothing short of a nightmare since my the return of Voldemort, since the return of this war, my life took a downward spiral, suffering months of time devoted to killing an innocent old man, an honest headmaster, and public humiliation, family scandalous, forced upon the company of my insane aunt Bellatrix and her weirdo husband.

I was forced to learn from idiot Death Eaters, you know the Carrows, forced to watch my father fall out of favor with Voldemort, forced to see him suffer, forced to watch the toll it took on my mother.

Forced to owe my life to my nemesis Harry Potter, and his two fucking dirty blooded cronies.

I do think that my father ruined the last two years of my youth. My father and Voldemort.

And for what? I am graduated now, I face a world full of endless depths, and where do I turn?

I turn back, I remember the moments that made me feel alive

The moment I first met Loony Luna Lovegood

The moment I first protected Dumbledore's army from the Carrows

The moment I first kissed Ginny Weasley and she ran away crying.

The moment I spent all night in the Hogs Head, talking to the bartender, my whole life's story pouring out of my drunken lips, tears welling in my eyes.

Before I can move forward, I know I must look back.

I first met Luna, really met her I mean, in September of my seventh year. She's strangely pretty, in the way she is strangely endearing.

And it was she who approached me, while I sat alone in the library, my hands covering my face while my transfiguration book lay open before me, beside a letter from my mother, and closed books on charms and potions.

"Hello Draco Malfoy," She said in a dreamy voice.

"Hello crazy," I replied as I opened my eyes to see her pale face and light hair lingering over me, "Can I help you with something?"

"I was thinking, perhaps I could help you," She smiled, a vague far off smile and sat beside me, "Do you mind?"

"That depends on what you're about to say," I replied, rubbing my temples vigorously.

"I wanted to offer you redemption," she said bluntly, a smile still lingering upon her thin dreamy lips.

"I don't want your bloody redemption are you even pureblood?" I snapped furiously, closing my transfiguration book with a loud bang, and reaching for my bag below my feet, ready to throw all my books into its contents and finishing the mountain of the first week's homework in the greenish glow of my common room.

"I am," She shrugged, "But that's hardly relevant."

"Wake up and smell the butter beer, Lovegood, it's all that's relevant these days," I retorted coldly, throwing book after book into my bag, each one with a little more force, hating my homework as much as I was hating the conversation.

"You don't sound happy with the new regime for the son of a Death Eater," She noted, looking up at me with wide, almost startling blue eyes.

"What the bloody hell do you know?" I demanded in a low voice to avoid being reprimanded by the ever vigilant Madame Pince, "You're some bitch they call Loony Luna Lovegood."

"And they call you a pathetic wizard, a pathetic Death Eater, and a washed up nobody," She replied, not coldly, but In a tone that was absurdly soft, "But I'm still here with you, aren't I?"

"Unfortunately," I snapped, pocketing my mother's letter and making a move to stand before she grabbed my wrist, gently leading me back into my seat before I could throw my book bag over my shoulder and bolt from the exit, from this conversation, from the truth.

"You don't want war," She said in a matter of fact tone, "You want peace, for yourself, your friends, and your family."

"How in the bloody hell do you know what I want?" I replied, my anger abating into exhaustion.

"I can see it in your eyes, Draco Malfoy," She smiled slightly, "You know Mal foi in French means bad faith?"

"That's nice," I replied indifferently.

"Why don't you try and live up to something else?" She suggested gingerly, and handed me a coin, a large gold galleon.

"What is this for?" I demanded, taking the money, regarding it puzzled, "I don't need gold, little girl."

"Its no ordinary galleon." She grinned now, looking madder than ever, 'if you want a chance, accept it. If you want to live the life of the ignoble, drop it on the table and leave."

I remained rooted in the spot, my hands clutching the galleon tightly for reasons entirely unknown to me, "Now what?"

"You'll just have to see, won't you?" She grinned and stood, looking down at me fondly, 'I have good faith in you, mister bad faith."

"How comforting," I drawled, rolling my eyes, the galleon clutched so tightly, my palm began to ache, my confusion making me dizzy.

"I'll be seeing you," She said, in a voice that had every air of a promise, and then she practically floated out of the room, and if it weren't for the galleon I held onto so fervently, I could have sworn it was some bizarre dream.

But no, I had merely started the beginning of the end.

I have so much to explain, so very much the world will never know about that last year at Hogwarts, if you can even call it Hogwarts under Death Eater instruction.

I sighed in the library. It was all so foggy, but one thing was clear, bitterly clear

There was more than magic in the air- there was change.

AUTHORS NOTES:

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