Betrayal. It's bad enough on its own but, when the person who betrays you is the one person who you thought you could trust, who you loved the most; it seems to magnify itself so intensely that it's all you can feel.

She had betrayed me. Olivia Pope, my sweet baby, had betrayed me. I may have expected a betrayal of sorts from Hollis, from Mellie even on some level from Cyrus but I never expected her to betray me. She had believed in me and she fought to make me a better man; the best man and yet, when it came to it, she knew I still wasn't good enough. I was not yet fixed.

For the past few years, my life with Olivia had been the only real thing that existed; it was what made everything else bearable. Now, all I see when I think of her is betrayal and hatred, hatred because there is nothing left to make the rest bearable. They took everything from me, they snatched it and wrenched it from my grasp and she helped them. She helped them to control my life, my destiny. She knew what it meant to me to have some authority over which course my life and my career would take and yet, she stole it from me. The one person I thought I could trust the most. Nothing was real to me anymore; everything had turned to a lie.

There is a fine line between love and hate and sometimes that line blurs too much to tell what it is that you're actually feeling. I've reached that point of obscurity now. Yesterday I was so in love with her that I would have done anything for her, I would have risked it all. Today, I still risked it all for her. I did what I did to Verna to protect Olivia, at the cost of my own innocence, but I cannot escape the feeling of hatred that is growing inside of me.

The realization of everything that has transpired is too great. It weighs down on me and it's suffocating. I hate her but I know that I cannot exist without her. She is my world. She is my love. She is my Olivia.