I chomped away mercilessly at the cracker.
Where in hell IS he?
Not like I would ever have asked that out loud, of course. I was above that. I was above my own mind.
All my life, I had been trained to keep it all inside. And I did it very, very well.
Who knows if that was what caused my entire life to turn into a hell worse than fire and brimstone.
A hell that was worse than half a heart.
Even with my incessant worry flowing, I secretly hoped that he would not return. I was scared for what would become of us, you know. It was only a couple of months away.
"Sigh..."
"I DON'T WANT TO
DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME
I COULD NEVER SHOW IT
BUT SOMETHING JUST HAS TO BE HAS TO
BE A RIGHT THING FOR YOU
BUT A WRONG THING FOR ME
I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN
SO LET ME SCREAM IT LOUDER SO THAT MY LUNGS ARE FORCED OUT
OF MY COLD, HARD, CAVERNOUS BREAST:
I CANNOT GO THROUGH
NOT GO THROUGH WITH Y—"
The remote clicked the noise box off, and I shifted my weight to my legs. I slowly got up and stretched. Awaya Ringo certainly had a way of saying things.
I felt so inferior...but then again, she was just some rock goddess—a dream woman who, unfortunately, hid behind a mask.
Thinking about my favorite music artist and the uniquely fearful vibes that she emitted, my memory was whisked backwards. I remembered when I still had the sense in me that allowed me to feel her drive; her emotion. Only five years prior, I could still sense the angsty pleasures that she received from the crowd as she performed. Though not a shaman, she had an intuitive spirit. But so much like me, she hid it behind a persona that she felt would not be noticed if she did not dress like a vampiric geisha.
It was not only her whose mind I could read.
That so-called "sense?" The one that gave me empathy to the point of chronic pain? My Love had dissipated it for me, and that was one of the things that kept me going back to him.
It had been so easy to develop when my mind was throbbing all of the time. People coming, people going. They all had so much to say, but how much would they ever spill?
Nothing.
People never really talk. It's all a load of crap.
"Don't you think that he's cute?"
"I wonder who that could be..."
"This is good tenpura, ne?"
And, this kills me:
"Great weather, is it not?"
God, it hurts to think about what people are really holding inside of them when they spill these useless trinkets out of their mouths to wear like dumb accessories. Such pitiful comments. So little is really held out for humans to share and grow in mutual understanding by.
People, in essence, are stupid. And most shaman are, too.
A pair of spaced-out eyes darted toward the door when a fist pounded on the other side of it.
Once again, my negative thoughts had been washed away simply by Yoh's eminent presence.
I was too lazy to walk over, but because Yoh lacks etiquette to a certain degree, he just walked in and slipped off his sandals.
Well, I guess I'm being unfair. Of course he could just enter the house.
It was ours.
"Tadaima!" He called to me from the very first tatami mat in. I'm home!
"Finally," I mumbled through another cracker. Those little snacks at least eased my ill will toward my irresponsible fiance. He might be dead right now if it wasn't for Nabisco.
"Anna, I got everything on the list except for the..." Yoh's voice trailed off. He at length realized that I was being unresponsive. He could be completely dense sometimes.
Walking over with two armfuls of paper bags, he peered at me and grinned. I accepted it.
"Anna...? Oi, why don't you smile sometimes?" Now he was cheekily laughing only inches away from my face.
I could not decide if I wanted to slap him or kiss him.
I guess, like most people, I would just spout some garbage out of my mouth to clear the obscure air.
"Yoh?"
"Hai."
"Why were you so late?"
"Because—"
"Because why??"
"Becau—"
"BECAUSE WHY??!" He bolted his legs firmly at this, but standing at attention he dropped a bag. Eggs' clear, mucous-like whites and sticky, fertile yellow yolks became the paint that dressed our floor.
"Ah! Anna...!" Yoh set the bags onto the counter right by the stovetop and immediately got to work. He had pretty good intuition himself; I had known that for a very long time.
He was a gentle person.
Was that part of the reason I was so scared for us together...?
He wanted to appease me and sop up the mess before pitching it. I just stood over him and watched as he hunted for towels in our vast kitchen. But to be honest, I could not just stand over him forever.
There were some times when I really did want to prove that for once, just once,
(or twice)
I could make a decision that was good for myself. I could choose the man that would make my life at least somewhat happy.
Yoh looked up at me from his crouching position on the floor. I was in a bit of a fog, and although that did not show on my complexion, he could feel it.
"Anna...I am sorry. I know that I shouldn't have been so late, but I wanted to get you something."
I blinked. "Sou ka?"
"Nn. Do you want me to get it for you when I am finished?"
"...Okay."
All of the eggs and other dropped boxes were a mighty task, but I was still standing a half-meter away. However, a moment after I saw him softly smile as he scrubbed the floor, I felt compelled to face him and kneel down to his level.
Seeing me do this, he stammered, "Ah, Anna, what...?"
I changed not my gaze, but my left hand grasped his right. I then unclenched his raw, slender fingers and took the rag he was using. Flinging it aside, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in. Our mouths contacted in a way that had taken him firmly by surprise.
"Ahh..." His eyes slowly opening, he sighed in rapture. "Anna..."
"Be quiet."
"...Hai..."
His lips coming toward me, asking for more, I gladly kissed him again. When it was like this, I had no qualms about Yoh. My worries melted away to Cloud Nine.
After his tongue had been lovingly caressing my own for a good four minutes or so, our lips inseparable, he apparently found that I was relaxed enough to slide me down onto the floor. And so that's just what he did, and I realized it just as he settled himself over me...
-Squish. Glop.-
"YOH." My face had suddenly tightened into a glare so that he would get me up and out of the uncleaned goop.
"Anna!" He stood up and pulled my arms. After he helped me to my knees, I regained my composure.
Feeling the back of my dress, I made a sickened face. He really must not have cleaned as much as I thought he had...
Wincing at his mistake, for which he undoubtedly was expecting hell, he whined, "Suman, Anna."
I looked down, and his face surprised me by coming up from below to meet my own. His soft brown eyes linked with mine, he tilted my chin up and we rose to our feet in yet another kiss.
Through the tender moment, he whispered to me, "My Anna..."
I felt like crying, for some odd reason.
I really, really Loved him.
Looking away because I had gotten to thinking for too long, he stopped. Peering at me, his head tilted and he asked, "What's wrong?"
I shivered a little. "I am going to take a bath. And this dress will need to be washed as soon as possible."
"All right, Anna."
With that, I walked away and into the bathroom. At least there my wandering mind would not halt the feelings of escape that Yoh could bring me.
After all, up until that night,
I thought that only Yoh could bring me happiness.
