Animated Antics

SUMMARY: The world of 'Family Guy' is no longer animated, but Peter and his friends just don't get it and continue with their animated antics.

"Miss Frizzle! According to my research, there's a portal here of some sort of energy particle. It's currently unnamed! We could live forever in science!" Dorothy Anne exclaimed.

"But only if it works," Miss Frizzle grinned. "Fasten your seatbelts kids!"

"Oh no," Arnold groaned.

"What now, Arnold? Afraid it's a one-way portal?" Carlos asked.

"Is it?" Phoebe questioned.

"There is no research on the subject. We just have to find oouuuttttt!" Dorothy Anne replied, yelling as the bus transformed. When they were finished, they were real people like their viewers, and so was their entire world.

"Look at those damn kids. That's no a magic bus, that's some magical crack right there, and not crack corn, I mean crack cocaine," Stewie whispered.

"We get it, Stewie. Just watch the damn show to make Lois happy," Brain said back.

"Why would I want to make that horrible wench happy?"

"Because she's your mother, and…"

"What the deuce? What the hell is going on with the TV? That show isn't real! Wait! What the deuce is going on, Brian? WE'RE REAL!" Stewie screamed. Chris and Meg ran down the stairs, meeting Lois, Stewie, and Brian at the bottom. Peter slammed through the door.

"We're real!" Chris exclaimed happily.

"I knew my tits were bigger than that!" Meg smiled.

"No, no," Peter shook his head. "You're just fatter when you're real. FAT! FAT! FAT!" Peter laughed, falling and rolling on the floor, pointing at Meg.

"I am not! Mom! Tell him I'm not fat!" Meg demanded.

"You are looking a little pudgy, but so am I, dear. Stewie! You're actually watching the video I got for you! Wait, I thought that was animated too?"

"Yes it was you deplorable whore," Stewie grinned. "And now, I can kill you and the VCR FOR REAL!" Stewie cackled, laughing and rolling around on the couch.

"Oh my God! Is the baby choking?" Lois asked.

"No, just laughing," Brian began, but he could no longer speak, just bark.

"What the hell? Now that isn't right. Brian has always been able to talk, and walk upright, but look, he looks like a dog. Yeah, Brian, you look like a dog, a real dog, a dog-dog. Ha ha, you look like a dog. Ha! And you're a dog-dog too, not some stuffed piece of crap Lois brings home because she thinks she loves me."

"But I do love you, Peter," Lois smiled.

"Damn, you could hear all that? See! Animated is better because when we were animated, we could talk to one person at a time and no one else could hear us, except for the audience. Wait! We live in their televisions, but where are we now?" Peter asked in whispered. He gasped. "Now we live in their minds! This is so cool!"

"Peter, shouldn't we think of the consequences of this? You can't just do something and have it erased any more. You need to be more careful with yourself," Lois said sternly.

"Yeah, Dad, no more free living," Chris whispered. "Wait, does that mean the evil monkey is real now too?"

"He was never real to begin with, Chris. Now go clean your room. You kids have to do real chores now. The people who draw us can't erase the mess any more," Lois commanded.

"What mess?" Stewie asked. "I thought that vomitrocious woman took care of it all."

"She did, but she's acting like the writers did it. High five, Lois!" Brian smiled, but it was only the sound of barking, and he stood on Lois to give her a high five, but Lois misunderstood.

"Oh! Get off me Brian! If this is how you're going to act, then you're going to the pound! Get off me!" Lois screamed. Peter pulled him off and threw him into the corner, knocking him out. "Peter! He's a real dog now! You can't just beat him up whenever you want. It's against the law."

"But Joe can get me out of anything; he's a cop," Peter tried.

"No! There are real laws here. Having Joe bail you out is even illegal. Peter, I thought you knew about stuff like this," Lois exclaimed, walking away.

Upstairs, Meg and Chris were cleaning their rooms. Chris was very cautious, and he looked for the evil monkey everywhere. He finally found him outside his window on a tree. He screamed for Lois, who came into the room carrying Stewie.

"Mom, he's back!" Chris cried. Lois laughed.

"Chris, it's a fox squirrel. They're brown and climb trees, a lot like monkeys would. You just have an overactive imagination, that's all," Lois smiled, picking up Chris's full clothes hamper and leaving the room.

"If only you knew," Chris whispered, laying down on his bed and taking a nap, which meant dreaming about girls and doing God only knows what with them. While he slept, Meg went to the mall with her friends.

"Can you believe this? We can actually change our looks and they stay that way," Meg smiled. The girls gave her strange looks. "You don't want to change?"

"Why not? This is our style, Meg. You can do what you want; we're going to see Paul at the new smoothie booth. Maybe his acne disappeared when we all turned real," her friend smiled. The others giggled and left her in front of a beauty salon. She walked inside and asked for a complete makeover. They obliged, and she looked completely different, almost girlish, but there was a problem: she didn't have enough money to pay for it.

"I think I need to call my mom about some money," Meg grinned. "May I use your phone?"

"How 'bout we settle this right here? Our sweeper is out for today. If you stay until we close and sweep hair for us, we'll excuse the cost. Is that okay with you, or should we change everything back?" the manager asked.

"I'll do it!" Meg smiled, taking the broom and dustpan from the woman and beginning her job. Little did she know, the salon was a 24-hour salon, and she'd be there a long time.

"Miss Frizzle, I think we have a problem. According to my research, all animated shows have become real. Television studios are going crazy trying to fix it," Dorothy Anne whispered. Miss Frizzle laughed.

"What's so bad about that, Dorothy Anne? Imagine it…every animated show you've ever watched is real! We're all real!" Wanda smiled.

"But it's scientifically impossible!" Dorothy Anne exclaimed.

"Not everything can be explained by science, Dorothy Anne, and this is one of those phenomena," Miss Frizzle smiled. Dorothy Anne sighed and got back into the bus. Everyone else was exploring their world. Carlos was playing real pranks on the girls, Robby was figuring out about real food and that he does actually get full, but one was unhappy: Arnold. He could fall down and actually feel pain. When he tripped up the bus steps trying to get back inside, Dorothy Anne pulled down the first aid kit and tended to him.

"What do you think of this?" Dorothy Anne asked.

"This stinks," Arnold replied. "Look! Real blood! I've never seen any before. It makes me kind of woozy."

"You'll be fine," Dorothy Anne smiled. "I just wish everyone else would agree. We've messed up the entire world of television, but no one else seems to see the repercussions of that."

"The what?"

"The consequences," Dorothy Anne whispered. Arnold nodded. "The consequences of us doing this could mean the death of many animated characters. Wanda's violent cartoons will be off the air in the first ten minutes all because they can actually hurt each other now. Robby likes those alien movies. Now, the aliens are technically real."

"How are they real? I thought they were computer generated, but they were animations."

"They are technically animations. According to my research, the earliest movies to require monsters did use actual creatures, but as ideas grew more complex, they blended the earliest forms of animations to fulfill their dreams of an alien, or something scary. Animations are everywhere," Dorothy Anne explained. Arnold nodded as Liz climbed onto the bus.

"Liz! What's wrong with you?" Keesha asked.

"She's lost her training! Animals like Liz can't learn tricks like they perform in animated features!" Dorothy Anne exclaimed. She ran outside the bus and screamed over the group. "See! I'm right! We've messed up everything, but no one wants to open their eyes and see it for themselves!"

Dorothy Anne then returned into bus and sat in the back, staring at her books. She was thinking that they never prepared her for what was going on now.

"Ma'am? Ma'am? How much longer until closing? I have to get home in an hour," Meg called, but the manager from before was nowhere to be found. Meg sighed and continued to sweep.

"I thought this was how a family dinner was supposed to go, but I was wrong. I have to do everything myself, and even more with everyone real. Wait, what was that?" Lois thought, walking to the living room. Peter was crimpled at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yea, Dad!" Chris smiled.

"Peter! What the hell did you do?" Lois asked, screaming in terror.

"I took the rail. Lois, I hurt…everywhere. I need to go to the hospital," Peter whispered. "Chris, tell your sister dinner is whatever she makes."

"She's not here, Dad," Chris replied. "She went to the mall at two when they opened, but she hasn't come home yet."

"It's nine at night!" Lois screamed. "I can't take this anymore, I'm calling my father to see what he can do about this!"

"But Lois…," Peter called. Lois nodded.

"Right…what do we do about you?" Lois asked. "God, this has never happened before. Usually the scene just changes. I don't know what to do…Chris? Could you call Joe? Maybe he can help you, Peter. I need to go make that phone call now."

"But Mom…," Chris cried. "What about the evil monkey?"

"That was a fox squirrel! Go get Joe!" Lois screamed. She was finally seeing how real her new life was.

"Alright, this should do the trick. I looked over the bus's configuration. We can undo this with a press of one button," Miss Frizzle smiled. The group cheered. In their day, Carlos and Robby both fell and hurt themselves, Arnold and Dorothy Anne both tripped while inside the bus and hurt themselves, Wanda found out her show was canceled due to the deaths of numerous characters, and Keesha learned that animated creatures have to remain animated to keep their training.

"Press the button, Miss Frizzle!" Carlos smiled. Everyone cheered with agreement, but Miss Frizzle held up her hand.

"I can't just yet. You see, you have to wait twenty-four hours to press it, so we'll have to wait until tomorrow. Until then, everyone make yourselves comfortable. I'll sing you all to sleep," Miss Frizzle nodded to the group. They groaned in disapproval and went to their seats. Miss Frizzle pulled a guitar from the back of the bus and began to play. Once everyone was asleep, she turned off the automatic lights and went to sleep herself.

"Daddy, no one knows anything?" Lois cried. "But my husband…"

"Ah, you never needed him anyhow. Now, I have something terrible to tell you, Darling. I'm not actually rich. The writers have been putting me in rich-situations every season, but that isn't me. We're being foreclosed on anyhow. The bank had enough curtisey to let us take the things that weren't foreclosed on, but everything else is gone. We're moving to Montana and taking a train…like hobos," Mister Pewtersmicht cried. "We're nothings, Lois! Nothings! Oh, I can't keep talking on the phone! It isn't ours anymore! WE LOVE YOU!" he cried, hanging up the phone. Lois cried and went into the living room, where the guys were helping the paramedics load Peter. Quagmire stayed behind to help clean up the mess.

"You don't look so good, Glenn. Is everything alright?" Lois asked.

"When we were animated, nothing bad could happen to me. I could get a little kid younger than Meg, and it was okay because it was in the script. Now, I'm a wanted man, Lois. I spent all this morning in the slammer, but then I bailed myself out of jail. I'm being fired by the airline, and they're cutting my health account due to my rotting penis and anus and throat. I'm dying, Lois. All that sex had consequences. I thought it was all good, but look at me now. As soon as those writers get control again, I'll be getting myself into more quagmires. They named me that for a reason, and now I'm going to die for it. Well, I'll see you at my funeral, Lois. You're too nice of a woman to go to Hell with me," Glenn smiled. Lois grinned.

"Thanks for the compliment, Glenn. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not fun and games for anyone. The news channel can't broadcast because everyone has been fired for misconduct, and they can't find anyone else because there are no colleges here. My father turns out to be not rich, or whatever you want to call it, and he's becoming a hobo to go live in Montana. Peter still won't listen to me, and now look: he's going to be permanently disfigured and Brian is going to always have that shaking problem when the lights flicker. He'll never say another word, yet he and Stewie can still talk, until Stewie can actually talk again. None of this change is helping anyone, and now my daughter is missing. Chris says she's at the mall, so that's where I'm going. The writers probably gave me a piece of crap car that won't get me there, but I'll make do, because I'm a woman and a mother, and if I can't make it then no one in this strange real world can," Lois whispered. Glenn offered his hand to Lois, but she shook her head. "The clamidia, it's spreading, Glenn. Go home and die in peace. We'll do what we can for your funeral."

"Thanks, Lois," he nodded, watching her get into her piece of crap car and drive to the end of the street. The car let out a humongous explosion and stopped in the middle of the road. Lois got out, nodded to Glenn, and began walking towards the mall.

Meg stopped sweeping and sat down. Customers had stopped coming into the salon, and she was too tired to keep her eyes open. A boy walked up to her.

"What are you doing here so late?" he asked.

"I wanted to change my appearance, make something of myself, something better, and I came here. Well, it cost too much, and to pay the rest of the bill, she made me sweep until they close, but…it's midnight now. They don't close, some lady just told me. So, I'm here, making a fool of myself, like always."

"You were one of the main characters, huh? Well, I've seen the show on DVD and I watched it. Your memories are still there, animated, just like before. I've been in the background of a few, but now, I'm here, and I want to make everything up to you. This show treats you like crap: you couldn't go to your dances, and a guy killed his brother just so he could reject you. Meg, I want to take you to park, and I'll show you the time of your life," he smiled. Meg grinned and began to stand to be with the boy.

"Stop right there, Meg," Lois demanded. "Son, I don't give a damn if you're the Pope, get your filthy hand off my daughter and go put it where it belongs instead of trying to take advantage of my daughter. You're right, this show treats us both like crap, but I'd rather her not have sex until she's fifty than to let you touch her once. Get the hell away from her before I call the cops," Lois hissed. The boy ran away fearfully, and Lois hugged Meg. "Don't listen to guys like that, Meg. Come on, let's go."

"Thanks, Mom," Meg smiled. "So, how do you like the new style?"

"We'll talk about it at the hospital," Lois nodded.

"The hospital? What happened?"

"Your father still thinks he's animated. He took the rail instead of the stairs, and we'll see how he is. By the way, Quagmire is going to die, Brian has epilepsy, and we won't get an inheritance from your grandfather. Any more questions, dear?"

"This is so…real," Meg whispered. "I just wish it was over so I could get back to my life. They demanded money from me at the salon. I've never paid anyone real money in my life. I've never even seen it!"

"Exactly, honey," Lois sighed. "Only those strange, animated survivor shows still have living members. We're some of the unlucky once, but I'm hoping everything will go back to normal soon. I'd hate to live like this forever."

"Same here," Meg whispered sleepily. At the hospital, Joe and Cleveland greeted them at the entrance, and they informed them that Peter was dead and that they would drive them both home. Lois and Meg were too tired and shocked to care.

"Rise and shine, children! I found us some breakfast to eat, so share it carefully," Miss Frizzle smiled. The children nodded, not liking her peppy attitude with life being so crazy. The bus's radio was chirping from where the higher powers were trying to contact them. Miss Frizzle spoke with them, but she would not give away their location.

"According to my research, a GPS, or Global Positioning System, is attached under the steering column of the bus and with it operational, the people can find us anywhere," Dorothy Anne told Miss Frizzle. "If you don't take us back, they'll find us. If we leave, we'll lose our chance to change this back."

"Where is it? I'll take it out!" Arnold offered enthusiastically.

"Wow. He doesn't want to go home," Carlos smiled. Dorothy Anne showed Arnold where it was, and he hit the small device with a hammer. Miss Frizzle, who left the bus before, came back inside.

"What do you say we go hiking? Anyone up for it?" she asked. No one accepted her offer and made no noise. "I'm sorry, children, but we should make the most of this real world. It will be a good memory for the future."

"There is no future," Carlos snapped. "When we switch back, the writers will keep us in the same grade in the same homeroom with the same awesome adventures. In the real world, we can grow up, make something of ourselves, and fail. I don't want a future, and I don't care about memories. Just sit here and tell us more of your crazy stories, and when it's time, flip the switch so we can all go home."

Everyone in the group agreed, so Miss Frizzle told them the story of her family from the beginning. When she was done, many hours later, it was time to press the button. Everyone stood behind her and watched, but something happened, something unexpected: the button only made the lights come back on. The group sighed and sat back down.

"Now I'll never go home," Phoebe whispered. "Now nothing will change from where we are now. I don't like this, and at my old school, this would never happen. I can't even remember my old school, and that's how it's supposed to be. You made a mistake, Miss Frizzle. Some mistakes you can learn from, but others ruin lives. Yours ended our lives. We may as well be dead!" Phoebe cried. The sad part was that Death was all over the animated world, and characters were dropping like flies because they were unable to cope.

"Well, there is only one solution. If we wait another twenty-four hours, it may work. Can you wait with me?" Miss Frizzle asked.

"Only if you take us to that store up the road a mile and feed us," Robby offered. Everyone agreed silently.

"Fine. We'll wait twenty-four hours, and now we will hike to the store up the road. I'm starving, and Liz, well…she's missing," Miss Frizzle whispered sadly.

"She's probably dead like the rest of them, Miss Frizzle," Wanda said sternly. "At least we saw her before she disappeared."

The group then walked to the store, stocked up on supplies, and bunked down to wait another day for the change to possibly be undone. Everyone prayed that it would.

______________________________________________________________________________

"Chris, could you suck it in a little more? We have to go to a planner for your father's funeral," Lois whispered sadly.

"Mom, why did Dad have to die?" Chris asked.

"Because we're real now, and real people can die. Now go upstairs and put on that sweater from your grandfather. I have to go help Meg with her dress. I'll follow you up though," Lois whispered.

"Okay, Mom," Chris whispered sadly. The two walked up the stairs sadly, but Lois turned into Meg's room. She was wearing a new dress and sitting on her bed staring at two different pairs of shoes.

"What's the problem, honey? We have to leave soon."

"One pair doesn't match the dress, and the other does. One pair is from Dad and the other one is from Grandpa. I can't decide which one is better," Meg sighed.

"Your father would want you to wear his at the funeral. This is only a planner, but I want you all to look nice. Put on the ones from my father and meet us downstairs. Cleveland is taking us there and Joe is helping with the meeting."

"Is Mr. Quagmire going to be okay?" Meg asked.

"Honey, a coroner arrived there in the middle of the night. I think he succumbed to his illnesses," Lois replied sadly. "He was a good man without the outrageous sex drive, and I think he learned his lesson, though it was the hard way."

"But he died," Meg cried. "Everyone dies now!"

"We're real, honey, and sometimes that's how real life works. Now come on, Cleveland's waiting for us."

The family piled into Cleveland's car, but no one said a word until they were at the funeral home. Lois thanked Cleveland, and then she and her family were met by Joe and Bonnie. Bonnie waited with the children while Lois spoke with the coordinator, who informed her that she didn't have the money for the funeral. An application would be sent for a financial aid company and they would call with the results. Until then, Peter would be on ice since they didn't want an autopsy. Lois and the kids left uneasy, but everyone reassured them that everything would be alright. Everyone had their doubts.

"Only a few more hours, children," Miss Frizzle whispered. No one responded, and many were napping. Miss Frizzle turned back to the panel of buttons.

Lois and the children opened the door and went into the living room. All of them sat on the couch, side-by-side, silent. The only sound was of passing cars the next street over, and a few dogs barking. Brian was one of them. He was in the backyard. Stewie started to cry, startling Lois. She had forgotten to feed him before she left, so she hurried into kitchen. When she exited to go up the stairs, Meg and Chris complained of hunger, so Lois made them go upstairs to change.

Lois grabbed Stewie from upstairs and fed him in the kitchen. He threw up everywhere, so Lois set him in front of the television. Brian wanted inside, so he joined Stewie on the couch. The television began playing the theme song for 'The Magic School Bus'. The children were then seen sitting on the bus, tired and without enthusiasm. Miss Frizzle was staring at her watch.

"And five…four…three…two…one," she counted. She then pressed a button. Everything began to rewind. The theme song played backwards, and Lois went back through the horrible feeding, then through Peter's horrible death. Meg went through her horrible job and then through her makeover. Everyone met at the stairs and rewound from there, leaving them in their previous positions.

"Miss Frizzle! According to my research, there's a portal here of some sort of energy particle. It's currently unnamed! We could live forever in science!" Dorothy Anne exclaimed.

"But only if it works," Miss Frizzle grinned. "Fasten your seatbelts kids!"

"Oh no," Arnold groaned.

"What now, Arnold? Afraid it's a one-way portal?" Carlos asked.

"Is it?" Phoebe questioned.

"There is no research on the subject. I think we shouldn't try it. Let's go to the zoo instead," Dorothy Anne tried. She sounded different. Everyone sounded different, like they knew some horrible truth.

"I agree. Fasten your seatbelts, kids! We're going to study the walrus!" Miss Frizzle smiled. She then whooped and the kids were off to the zoo.

"Look at those damn kids. That's no a magic bus, that's some magical crack right there, and not crack corn, I mean crack cocaine," Stewie whispered.

"We get it, Stewie. Just watch the damn show to make Lois happy," Brain said back.

"Why would I want to make that horrible wench happy?"

"Because she's your mother, and… Peter. Why are you home so early?" Brian asked.

"I…can't explain it. Lois! LOIS!" Peter screamed. Lois ran from the kitchen.

"Oh, Peter," Lois whispered. "Did you have the same horrible dream?"

"Only the worst dream ever. Kids! KIDS! Come here and listen to me for a second!" Peter called. Everyone met at the bottom of the stairs. "Your mother and I had a horrible dream, and I want to say that it taught me something. I need to cherish all of you, and our lives. I died in that dream. Can you imagine how weird that would be for me to die? And Meg, never change your appearance. You're fine just the way you are."

"Thanks, Daddy," Meg smiled, hugging her father. Everyone hugged, except for Stewie and Brian.

"What the deuce? That damn dream made them forget about us. Those ingrates. Hey! Hey you! Yeah you, with the face! What the hell are you still reading for? The story's over, damn it! Now get back to your little fun and games and get the hell out of our lives! Yeah you! GO!" Stewie yelled, punching out the camera and making everything go black.

'The Magic School Bus' theme plays, ending the fanfic