Chapter one
Without you, I'm lost.
Elena kept looking to the photo on the night stand, she kept looking to the alarm clock, she'd not gotten out of bed, yet all she kept looking to the flicker of the dots, the time going by, she kept looking over the time, now looking to the photo again, she could hear Owen on the phone, he was figuring out about getting a new job, he talked to her, but Elena wasn't hearing anything, just kept looking to the clock again.
Walking around the penthouse, the black cordless phone against his left ear. Owen was speaking to a medial supervisor about a job opening in Emergency services. He peered into the semi opened bedroom door, glancing to Elena still in bed, still not speaking to him, to anyone. "Yes, Sir, that's right. Torchwood for six years..." He walked back down the hallway again. It was hard to tell someone you'd worked for Torchwood for so long, but without it existing or a boss to confirm it... It was hard.
For a moment, Elena pulled the cover up over her shoulder, she kept closing her eyes, but for a few seconds, she tried to sleep. Hearing Owen, listening to him, she felt worse, she hadn't been his wife for a while, now she was spinning, moving the blanket, she sat up, moved through to the bathroom turning the light on, starting a shower, she wanted to get out, find a place she could just forget who she was.
Owen heard the shower running, he felt a bit better about all the situations. Be only a bit, he exhaled hanging up the phone with the supervisor. He filled the kettle up again, setting it on its boiling base. He sighed, watching out the window as the clouds moved in the soft breeze.
Elena got out the shower, going into the bedroom, she found herself dressing on autopilot, putting on a skirt, a pair of knee high boots, finally a low cut top. The attention to her boobs will discourage people from looking to her baby bump. Finally putting on a long trench coat, "I'm going down to the shop," Elena called from the front door, her bag in her hand, "I won't be too long..." she opened the door quickly closing it behind herself.
Owen stared to where the door had open and closed in a flash, he exhaled a sigh, his forehead pressing against the glass, at he done something so wrong in life he deserved this? First his fiancée dying on an alien parasite and now his wife, so out of touch with everything it was like... She wasn't even around most of the time.
Elena walked into the pub, the fact was, this is where she wanted to be walking up to the bar, she ordered herself some drinks, now taking it to the garden, sitting alone with her JD, pint of larger and tequila shots, she now sparked up a fag starting to smoke, looking around, it was quiet, she liked the fact of being alone.
A woman from another table looked to Elena, "Is that smart in your condition?" she looked over her, and she was about near full term pregnant.
"And it's smart, you mind your own fucking business," Elena exhaled the smoke, she watched as the woman walk off looking pissed off.
Elena felt in a daze, the drink, she left the pub, she walked down the bay, she found herself where she'd always end up, in front of the Plaza, her eyes looking where the hub used to be, it had been cleaned up, she brought the spliff to her mouth taking a inhaled, it was laced with cocaine, the fact she felt it hitting her, her eyes looking around feeling the haze.
A police officer walked over, "Miss," the man looked over, "Can you come with me please?" he asked.
Elena laughed, "Fuck off," she pointed him with her non-spliff holding finger.
"Miss, I'd advice you to…" The man felt his arm being twisted his arm around, he yelled in pain, feeling the pain rushing up and down his arm.
Elena felt her pull the officer's arm, it made a snap, and she threw him on the ground, her heel going for his groan. Smiled while the man screamed like a girl now, but glanced to see more officers running towards her, "Oh shit!" she flicked the spliff away before holding her stomach and running.
The evening was setting it, Owen kept watching the door as his mobile started ringing, and he jumped, digging around in his pocket, pulling out the iPhone. Answering the unknown number. "Elena?" He said sharply.
"Sorry no. Andy." Andy sounded tired.
"What's happened?" Owen jumped to conclusions, thought it wasn't the first time Andy had called him.
"Elena's been arrested, for procession, drunken and disorderly misconduct oh and assaulting an officer on duty." He exhaled.
Owen felt his heart sinking. "I'll be... Right now."
Elena sat in the cell, she was banging the door, "Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink," she kept banging, "I can smell bacon!" she kept making a nuisance of herself, "Penny a fuck, pigs wanna get dirty!" she kept getting louder.
"Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink, Oink, oink!"
"Not again." Owen could hear Elena down the hallway passed the double doors he was standing at. Andy came with the key.
"Been doing that since she arrived. I called as soon as I could." He informed Owen as they walked down the cell doors to the last one where Elena was. "I mean, she's pregnant Owen, you'd think she'd be a little smarter…"
"I know Andy, she's pregnant, and right now, I just hope the baby is okay." Owen brushed his hand into his hair feeling nervous to see her.
Elena was laying, "Andy!" she called, "Andy, Andy, Andy," she kept calling, "oink, come on, for me..." she stopped banging on the door, she kept herself standing still, she didn't even remember where she lost her coat, but her clothes looked a mess, her hand kept rubbing over her belly, the baby was kicking her. Like she'd fallen over, she kept looking amused looking to the wall where she wrote her name.
"Sorry about this." Andy glanced to Owen who looked sleep deprived and sadly enough, use to this. He unlocked the door and pulled the cell open.
Leaving Owen to stand in the centre of the doorframe looking over Elena, each time his heart breaking a little more. "Lena again... Really?" He sighed. He kept looking to her belly, he didn't know what to think, "You've got to think of that baby, you could do anything to it, and you just don't care!"
"Owen!" Elena giggled, "You look so cute," she made a little hamster face, "Oh Andy," she got to her feet, "I was wondering, can I have my gear?" she held her hand out, she was looking pink in the face, still swaying not able to keep still, her eyes wide, "come on... come on..."
Elena." Andy sounded as serious as Owen looked. Glancing to him. "We phoned her dad but, he said he isn't dealing with this anymore. Its up to you."
"Typical." Owen stepped more into the cell. "Elena, possession? Drunken misconduct? Assaulting an officer?" He didn't yell the last part but his frustration was boiling.
"So I'm taking that as a no..." Elena looked to Andy, "Then I'm going to have to tell your dirty secret Andy," she pointed out, "If you want it kept secret," she nodded, "I want my stuff," she kept looking to him, "cos I'll squeal," her finger pointed, "I didn't assault that officer," he looked to Owen, "He just ran into my fist, and my foot, might of trod and split his scrotum..."
"Elena!" Owen said sharply. "This isn't funny, this is serious. Why were you in procession? And drunk! You said you were going to the shops!" Owen kept looking to her stomach, "Elena, for once can you think, think what you're doing!" his voice breaking down. Andy looked nervously, trying to avoid eye contact with Elena.
Elena nodded, "Yes," her head bobbed, still effected by the drugs in her, "I was, but then this pink elephant in a tutu told me, that If I did this, I'll be able to get to the yellow brick road..." she then fell over trying to walk forward, laughing lightly, "I think I hurt myself," she kept laughing now rolling on the floor. "Andy likes making woman to make sheep noises in sex..."
Andy's face turned red. "Do not! She's loaded!" He snapped. But Owen didn't care, getting on the floor with Elena. "Elena, stop, stop." He said seriously. Pulling her into a sitting position.
"Oh, yeah, at the Christmas party," Elena pointed out, "I was twenty two, and you just started work," she laughed looking to Andy, "I remember, cos you told me, not to tell anyone..." she now helped herself up, looking to Owen like he wasn't her husband, "He is a freak," she tapped his chest, "I am going to need my bag..." she tried to walk down the hall, but was bouncing off the walls. She started to oink again louder.
"You should... Really seek help." Andy whispered to Owen trailing behind Elena. "Elena this way." He guided her down the hallway. That was it; he was getting professional help, from himself.
Elena was sitting on the sofa, cup of coffee in hand, her hair wet from the shower, her head was throbbing while she kept looking forward, Owen hadn't talked to her, she was now sober, coming down, her hand kept touching her face while looking to the coffee cup taking a sip, her eyes blurred, she felt sick again, the fact everything was coming back, the remembering Jack leaving, the fact she didn't feel anything about her own life, she closed her eyes lightly while lifting the coffee cup drinking more, feeling worse.
Owen was in the kitchen, tapping a pen against the counter, staring down at a notepad, with different medications he could think of off the top of his head, trying to make the perfect cocktail of them in his head. He was slowly getting to the point where he couldn't handle this. He knew that it was going to be worst after she gave birth, but he knew that he kept looking to Elena on the sofa drinking her coffee, not a good think, but one coffee to everything else, he exhaled rubbing his hand through his hair again.
Elena got to her feet, she walked into the kitchen, looking to the clock, it was in the morning, she'd been home, and all she could think about was how she could keep doing this to herself, her eyes focused on the clock, seeing the little flashing six forty five, but she wasn't tired, so she glanced over to Owen, he wasn't even aware of her there so she dropped the cup into the sink a little to hard making it smash.
Owen flinched for a fraction of a second. His eyes going to the sink, seeing the white mug broken into big and little pieces along the silver metal of the sink. His brown eyes finally glanced up, seeing Elena for the first time. He folded the paper, putting it away. Continuing to stare at her, he blinked, "How are you feeling?" He asked in a more professional tone. His hand reached but didn't touch the baby bump, "We'll have to see your doctor, but Elena, you can't keep doing this."
"Yeah, well the baby," she touched her stomach looking to it, the baby was still moving around, she knew her baby too well, she was punishing it, for a reason she didn't know. Elena looked to Owen, "Like someone took a very big hammer, whacked it on my head a few million times, and then played stomp on my chest," she looked down, "and my wrist hurts," she held it up looking to the bruises, "so when do you want me out?" she asked in a dead tone.
"I'm not kicking you out, Elena." Owen said sharply before hearing his mobile ringing, taking it from his pocket, he saw Jade's picture pop up. As it rang the [H]ouse M.D. ring tone. He answered. "Jade!" He sounded happy to hear her.
"Hey!" Jade said grinning from the limo type car. "Just wanted you let you know, we've made it to New York alive!" She laughed.
"That's great!" Owen glanced to the clock. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" He joked with her.
"Soon enough! Were on our way to the house, I'll call you after I've gotten a few hours of sleep."
"Okay, Ahah yeah... Mhm sounds good." Owen stepped toward the window. "Tell Ianto we say hi!"
"I will!" Jade grinned, "Talk to you later, love you in the none sexual way." She laughed, glancing to Ianto.
"Love you too, in the none sexual way!" He brightly said before hanging up as she did. He suddenly looked back to Elena.
Elena kept looking at Owen, "Right," she kept her face blank, "I," she didn't move, her hands holding at her head trying to keep it up, "I think I should," she pointed to the spare bedroom, "I'll be fine once I get my head down," she walked away from Owen, realising she was walking the wrong way, before going in the right direction, she see the spare room, crawling onto the bed, she placed her head on the pillow, she remembered thinking of Jack being in here, but he wasn't, then she started to sob again.
Owen walked to his office, opening a compartment; he took out his perception paper. He started writing down medications. Listening to Elena sobbing. He walked into the bedroom, her walked over getting on the bed, he ran his hand over her stomach, and he felt her hand touching his. "Elena," he whispered into her ear.
"Owen, I'm useless, I'm going to be useless for a long time," she felt her eyes burning from the tears.
Owen sighed, he pulled her closer to him, "you're not useless," he kept brushing his hands into her hair, kissing her neck lightly, "I will always love you, I want you with me forever." He kept looking to her face, "But I'm going to make you better."
Elena looked up to him now, "I don't want to feel like this anymore Owen, I don't," she rolled to face Owen now, she leant forward kissing him, feeling him finally kiss her back.
