"Rae, you're on the air!" Michael said with a grin.
"Shit!" she put her headset on and adjusted the microphone. "I hope you're all havin' a good day, ya! Here's a great song to take a break," she put on a song by The Smiths. She exhaled and fell back into her chair. The song was more a break for her, not for the listeners. She needed to think. She missed her friends. She missed Chloe and she missed Archie, she missed Finn most of all. Hell, she even missed Chop!
Rae had moved to London and she'd already been here for a month. Her mum had found a house she actually could afford, and it was actually in a nice area. Rae's little sister had gotten into a kindergarten and Karim had gotten a job as something Rae didn't know what to call, but he was positioned in road working. Rae had gotten a job as a radio-host, hosting a show for alternative music and classic rock – which suited her perfectly. Michael was the guy who was responsible to make sure her equipment worked and that the records she wanted was there and in order.
She was back on air and started by saying, "So, guys, you know how much I love Weezer, right? Well, here's a song that I really like and it means a lot to me. It's dedicated to someone very special." She put on 'Why Bother?' and she closed her eyes, wishing the lyrics didn't hit her the way they did. She thought of Finn, who she actually dedicated the song to, but he'd never know. She missed how his smile had warmed her heart and how fit his body was. She missed how bad he was with words and how he'd written them on her skin. But she knew she wasn't good enough for him. She'd never be pretty enough for him. He deserved better. That's why she left things the way they were. She rolled her eyes back into her head and let out a deep sigh. She felt sick to her stomach from missing him so much.
Rae got home late that night. She'd taken the underground to get home, but it was still much walking to get there. She closed the door to their house and slammed her back against it. She let herself slip down to the floor and she sat there, with her bag in her lap, just feeling miserable.
"Rae? Is that you?" her mother called from the living room.
Bloody hell, what does she want? I just got home, for God's sake!
"Yes, mum, what is it?" Rae answered.
"Chloe called for ya! She wanted to know if you wanted company tomorrow, since it's your day off and all."
Rae had completely forgotten. She was so consumed in her work that she'd forgotten her day off.
"It's not like she can spend the night here anyway, so why bother?" Rae said.
"About that..." her mum said and got up on her feet and walked up the stairs. "Come along, Rae. I've got somethin' to show ya." Rae walked behind her mum, frustrated that this was going on without her knowing anything about what it could be. Her mum opened the door to Rae's room and stepped out of the way so Rae could see. Rae took a few steps into her room before she had to turn around to look at her mum.
"Mum, what have you done? This is unbelievable!" Rae exclaimed.
"I thought it'd be good for ya to have Chloe over here once in a while, so I put in this extra bed for ya!" her mum smiled brightly. Rae completely flipped. She couldn't believe what she just heard.
"Mum, does this mean Chloe can stay for a few days, you know, if she's got time for it?"
"Yes, Rae! I think you need a friend every once in a while and it doesn't seem like you have any here, so Chloe is more than welcome!" she trotted down the hall and disappeared. "She called for ya when ya were at work, Rae! Ring her back!" she yelled from downstairs.
Rae sat down on her bed and looked at the phone. She knew Chloe was there, but she didn't know how to tell her the news. She didn't know if Chloe would be as excited as she was. She dialed her number and had to wait a few rings before someone answered. Her mum answered, but Chloe came to phone quite quickly.
"Hiya, Rae! What's up?" Chloe said.
"We have a surprise for ya," Rae said proudly. "Mum said you can stay here for a few days whenever you've got time for it!"
"What? Do you have a bed for me to sleep in and all that?"
"Yes!" Rae said as she beamed of joy. "Mum put an extra bed in my room, and she did it because she wants me to have at least one friend to talk to."
"I'll put my skinny ass on the first train tomorrow, then! See ya!" She hung up.
Rae woke up from an amazing dream that morning. She'd dreamt that she was home again, in Finn's room, lying in his bed with him playing records for her. She could feel his hands touching her skin and she wanted him to be with her, lying next to her, touching every part of her with that smooth touch of his.
As Rae had fun with that dream, the doorbell rang. Rae fumbled about in her bed, waiting for her mum or Karim to answer, but the doorbell rang twice more. Rae got out of bed and wrapped her robe around her, and opened the door.
"RAE!" Chloe threw her arms around her and hugged her tight. "I'm so glad to see ya! I've missed ya so much!"
"I've missed ya too, Chlo!"
"I have so much to tell ya! C'mon, let's go inside," she said and dragged her bag inside the house. They got up to Rae's room and Chloe seemed really happy about how the room looked. "So, Rae.. Congrats on your new room!" she smiled. "Rae, I have big new – gigantic news actually."
"What gigantic news, Chlo?"
"Alright, the thing is, Rae... Finn's not over ya. He mopes around all day and he talks about how he misses your face. Believe me, we've tried everything to make him happy, but nothing's good enough."
"I'm not good enough for him, Chlo! I've been ill, I still am! I'll never be good enough for him, I'll always have this cloud hangin' over my head, and remindin' me I'm still ill."
"But Rae! He loves ya! It doesn't matter that you're broken – and he'll do everythin' he can to make sure you're all right! You know that! It doesn't matter if you've messed up and been ill and all that crap, we still love ya! He loves ya!"
"Chlo, I miss him, I really do. I want him back and I want him to touch me again. I want him so bad, Chlo. But I'll never be good for him. I'll screw up, I know I will – I can feel it." Rae fell back on the bed, remembering her stay in the hospital. She missed Tix and she went backwards into memory lane. She desperately wanted to be better so that she could be worthy of someone as wonderful as Finn.
"Rae, you don't understand. He'd do anything for ya! I know you feel like you're not good enough, but Rae, see, you're the strongest person I know! You're so strong that you actually moved away from everything in your life to pursue a career! And you're doing well. Rae, you should be proud. You should love yourself for these things!"
"Can we please just do somethin' else now? It's enough talkin' about me! What's new with ya, Chlo?"
"Nothin', really. I'm the same as always, ya know? Izzy and Chop are still in love and happy. Archie's still a bit uncomfortable with everything, but he seems all right. The gang's doin' fine, really. But we miss ya. Do you have anythin' cool we can do? We need to do somethin'!"
"Let's go out," Rae said. "You need to see my favorite places!"
They took the bus a few stops down the road and Rae dragged Chloe into a record shop she used to visit at least once a week. Rae didn't really have to drag Chloe into the clothing shop she loved the most. Chloe made Rae try on a few tops and Chloe ended up buying a bunch of lingerie. When they got back to Rae's house, her mother had made dinner and was ecstatic to see Rae so happy. They fell asleep soon after dinner, and Rae had to get to work the next day.
Rae got to her radio station and Michael surprised her by giving her a hug as soon as she walked through the door.
"God, Michael! You didn't have to scare me!" Rae screamed.
"Just happy to see you, you seem happy today."
"Yeah, well, I can be happy, you know."
"I haven't said you couldn't! Your booth is waiting for you," Michael said and gestured for her to get to her chair. Rae walked away from him, grabbed a glass of water on her way and sat down in her chair. She put on her headset, put the microphone in the right position and gave Michael a thumb up. He counted down from five.
"Good morning! God, I had the best mornin' ever today. I woke up and felt happy, ya know? Here's a song to make your morning a little better," she said and put on 'Morning Glory' by Oasis. Rae relaxed in her booth and she had a smile on her face, which hadn't happened in a while. The rest of the day went by fast and she was on her way home quickly.
"Rae! Get your ass in here!" Chloe called from the living room as soon as she opened the front door. Rae threw her bag on the floor and took off her shoes before walking in to the living room. She saw Chloe with a smug smile on her face, and next to her was Finn.
Finn!? What the hell is he doin' here!? I look like crap; he can't see me like this – shit!
"Hiya, Rae," he said and smiled.
"What are you doin' here?" she said coolly.
"I just thought that you might talk to me – just hear me out, please?" Finn smiled, looking like a little puppy in trouble. Rae felt her heart melt. She felt all of her feelings come back. The fittest boy she'd ever seen was sitting on her couch, begging for her.
"Look, Finn. I don't understand why you're here – I've told you how I feel and I won't change my mind."
"Rae, please," Chloe said. Rae looked at them and sighed.
"Fine, but I won't change my mind. Come on Finn, let's talk," she nodded her head for him to follow her. She walked up to her room and Finn was following her, just a step behind. She sat down on her bed, looking at the wall.
"Look, Rae, I don't feel like we're finished. We're not over, we're not done," he said and sat down next to her. "Rae, I miss you every day. I think of ya all the time. I miss those things we had. I miss you. I miss us. I miss you being a part of everything. I know I'm not good with words, but I'm hoping this will make ya understand me." He took a deep breath and looked at her. She looked back at him, trying not to let his gorgeous face distract her, but deep down inside, she'd always want him. And right now, she couldn't hold those feelings back.
"Finn, I miss ya too, ye?" she said. "But I'll never be good enough for ya! I'm not pretty enough. People will think that I've got a magic fanny or something, otherwise you wouldn't be with me! I don't want people to see ya that way – I don't wanna be seen that way!"
"Rae, listen to me. You're beautiful. You don't have to worry what others think of ya! You're strong – you're the strongest person I know. You've done so many great things! You've helped your mum, you've helped Chloe, you've made the gang complete! You've been ill and you're doin' so well now. I'm proud of ya! Isn't that enough?" Finn said and stroke her cheek to remove some hair that had fallen in front of her face.
"Finn, I-" she didn't get to finish her sentence. She looked at Finn and she just forgot how to make words come out of her mouth. "Fuck," she said after a minute. She smiled at him. She loved this guy who was sitting next to her. He was so fit and he was everything she could ever ask for. He was so gentle and so protective and so damned fit.
"Rae, what is it?" he asked. He looked confused, but Rae just smiled.
"I love ya, you know that, right?" she said. Finn nodded, he felt words were stuck in his mouth with no way to get out. She reached for his hand and took a firm hold of it. "Just please, don't let me feel like I'm not good enough for ya."
"Rae, you're more than enough for me. You're more than anyone could ever ask for. I'd be the luckiest man alive if I could have ya!" Finn tightened his grip around her hand.
"Right-" Finn broke her off by kissing her. His lips were soft on hers and she felt every part of her body tingle.
Rae looked at Finn. Her hands were touching him. Her whole body was touching him, clothes still on, but it still counted. She smiled and felt her heart beat racing in her chest.
"Rae, I love ya," Finn said and kissed her cheek.
"Finn, come here," she said and pulled him closer. She put her arms tighter around him and kissed him hard. He pushed her over on her back and he was suddenly lying over her, pushing her down into the mattress. She felt everything of him, all over her. She didn't push him away. She liked him like this.
