Suggested listening: Blue October - "Bleed Out"
Warning: Violence, angst, badly written smut (I usually write yaoi) and VERY (I think) OOC Sakura.
Disclaimer: I don't own "Naruto" nor the mentioned song.
Dedicated to ZJeM.
Bloody Mary
He was there again, strong hand on her hips holding her in place. Harsh moves that didn't surprise her anymore... Forceful thrusts and heavy pants escaping his mouth as he took his way with her. It didn't surprise her anymore, but no amount of repetition would stop the tears leaking from her firmly shut eyelids. For some reason, they were always doing it the same way: herself pressed into the mattress face first and him hovering above her back. He never let himself touch her anymore than needed and never gave her permission to do anything more than being a vessel for his fluids. There were no gentle caresses, just the loud crack of the opening door and his shoes discarded carelessly in the hallway half an hour before. Sasuke hissed through gritted teeth as he released, his muscles going limp. Sakura felt himself pulling out of her and waited exactly three minutes before she knew he was gone.
She should be happy, right? Sasuke started fulfilling his second dream, that meaning the restoration of the Uchiha clan. She got to be with him, not as a friend but as a partner. He CHOSE her, for fuck's sake. Then what was this hollow feeling that forced her to throw up every evening, every night after the act? Tonight she was too exhausted to move, her tights already stained with a contrasting color - crimson blood. Sasuke was becoming more violent recently. Sakura's arms shook as she curled in a tight ball and started sobbing again.
Nobody would ever know about it. Outside she was still the same always-smiling girl, punching Naruto for his stupidity, laughing at Kiba's inappropriate jokes and taking orders from Tsunade-sama. However, she got a feeling that they were becoming more and more aware of the nasty crack on her perfect picture. Hinata looked worried and asked her what happened when she showed up with a purple bruise on her cheekbone, not exactly covered with powder. That was the punishment Sasuke sent upon her when she stopped adding the "-kun" suffix to his name. He was shouting something about being a master, so much shouting... She turned off and stopped listening.
Sakura let herself have this moment of weakness but it didn't last long. She got up, ignoring the pain that became a constant in her life, and started changing the sheets. Sasuke got so angry when she didn't do it...
It was cold... Not in the room but in her heart. As cliché as it sounds, it got so freezing it was nearly unbearable. Nobody needed her anymore, nobody cared... At least that is what Sasuke kept whispering, pouring venom into her arteries. You know what they say...
The most venomous snakes always look so damn innocent.
It was raining. She sat on a window still, forehead pressed into the glass and steaming it. She didn't bother to dress as Sasuke was supposed to get there really soon. Her eyes took in her silhouette, stopping on every curve of her that wasn't there anymore. She lost so much weight in these past months... Rain drops reflected in her empty orbs, making herself look vulnerable.
Defenseless?
Weak?
No way.
She just didn't see the need to defend herself.
She knew it was sick, she knew she should seek help but she just couldn't bring herself to do so. She loved him, she really did. Only this damn dagger piercing her heart distracted her. But she concentrated on a faint light of hope. A hope to see him smile, to be proud of her, to finally acknowledge her... She understood Naruto's dream now. But when he got all he's ever wanted, she just kept drowning.
The liquid burnt so sweet in her lungs...
She barely flinched when the door opened. He was surprisingly quiet today, so quiet that she could still hear the howling of the wind outside. She turned her head away from the depressing sight and just when a thunder hit something, enlightening the darkness of the bedroom, his figure showed itself on the doorstep. "..." He never said a word of greeting, just piercing her with these pitch-black eyes of his. "Get here" he whispered, motioning for the bed. She smiled a ghost-like smile, unfolding herself from the window still and slowly sitting on the sheets.
They were light pink, Sasuke's favorite color as it seemed...
He tugged at the collar of his usual outfit, getting rid of his arm-bands and getting closer. He stopped in front of her, looking down with an unreadable expression. She sat still, waiting for his orders. "Unbind this". Her eyes widened a little. He never let her touch him, what happened? She didn't hesitate and her lean fingers started working on the knot of the violet cord his hips were decorated with. The cord fell down, taking the blue cloth with it. He wasn't aroused yet.
Her hands froze halfway to the navy blue pants he was wearing. Sakura glanced up, meeting his stare. She drowned once again, feeling herself being sucked into the lethal trap of his eyes... "What are you waiting for? Make yourself useful" Sasuke whispered, never once taking his orbs from her. She swallowed and nodded a little, standing up and placing her trembling hands on his arms, under the cloth of his shirt. The girl moved her hands to the sides, making the fabric expose the man's collarbones. For some strange reason she felt the need to do something more than undress him, he seemed so... Lost.
What happened?
She buried her nose in his shoulder, breathing in the weak scent of the whole day as her lips caressed the outline of his neck muscles. He didn't shove her away as he usually would, so she took that as a silent order to continue. Her fingertips traced his ribs, Sasuke's heartbeat resounding in the cage of bones. It suddenly became so loud, so desperate...
What happened?
Her hands travelled lower, past the firm muscles of Sasuke's stomach and under the remaining part of wardrobe. She didn't wait and pulled the pants lower, relieved when she noticed that she succeeded in arousing the man she loved. Sasuke let out a shuddered breath as he felt the warmth of her hand closing on him, caressing him with so much affection. He wasn't stupid, he could see her feelings... But what were they compared to his goal?
He pushed her down, making it clear what he wanted. Sakura smiled mischievously seeing his impatience. She kneeled down, still grasping him, and licked along his cock. Sasuke let out a satisfied groan and tugged at her hair, urging her to go further. She sucked at the tip teasingly before absorbing him whole, feeling his grip tighten. At these moments she felt a little pleased with herself, she was finally useful... Sasuke hissed and started bucking his hips, making her gag a little. However, this wasn't anything she wasn't used to and after a moment she started deepthroating him, feeling saliva rolling down her chin but she couldn't care less. Suddenly Sasuke retreated, breathing deeply and motioning for her to climb on the covers.
She obeyed, getting on her elbows when she felt his hand stopping her. "Don't. Roll on your back". The sentence left her wide-eyed. Why did he..? She obeyed yet again and watched him climb over her, his arms trapping the pink halo of her scattered hair. She felt an unknown fire awakening in her as his fingers traced the lines of her waist, stopping on her ass. He leant lower, their faces merely a few centimeters apart. Sakura watched as Sasuke opened his lips, eyebrows knitting and eyes gaining a weird flash. "Sa- Sakura..."
She stopped breathing.
He's never once spoken to her like that since the Team 7 times.
"Sa-... Sasuke?" she answered, unsure as to what to do. Sasuke finally got a hold of himself and turned his gaze away as his hands lifted her hips and he entered her, listening to a moan resound from her throat. He started at a quick pace as always but buried his face in her neck, something he's always avoided doing.
It was too much.
He was too much, literally taking her breath away, his scent filling her nostrils, his black hair in her sight... He made her blind and deaf, only the intense feelings remaining. He made her forget the reality... And that was what scared her. Normally the pain would remind her of the world but it wasn't there that day. Only his hands remained, only his lips whispering something unrecognizable were there...
And that's what got her terrified.
She shouldn't drown in the false pretense of him feeling something more towards her.
Sasuke's thrusts became more desperate as Sakura wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting his movements halfway. "Sa- ah... Sasuke!" she tried to get a hold of something, anything, and ended up dragging her nails through the skin on his back. He would punish her for that later for sure. Sasuke groaned and shifted, burying himself deeper with every move. He felt the tingling pleasure building up in his abdomen as he climaxed, leaving hot pants on the fair skin of his "slut", as he liked to call her. Sakura followed him not long after, whispering his name all over again. The room felt silent, except for two pairs of lungs trying to get a hold of themselves. Sasuke pulled out of Sakura, his onyx eyes drinking in her flushed cheeks and parted lips, with blood decorating it after Sakura bit herself to muffle her cries. He felt a sudden need to lick it off, to taste the coopery treat. Sakura's eyes went wide yet again as Sasuke kissed her, pulling away a minute later and leaving.
He'd never kissed her before.
Sasuke was tired. All the emotions flowing through his head were making him sick and what he pulled out last night wasn't any bit of a consolation. So what that it was an anniversary of his parent's death? He knew that Itachi did that not because he wanted, that it could be considered an unfortunate event... He shouldn't show any weaknesses. But something about this date made him feel uncertain like a kid he was then. He reached the home, quiet as always. Sakura was waiting for him. She was waiting to be fucked so violently that it could nearly be considered rape, to be discarded like a filthy rag after he was done... But she was still waiting. That gave him comfort, as much as he hated to admit it, the girl became his only family.
Friends were fools.
Friendship was not sincere.
Because no matter what they said all they ever thought about was this damn village, this damn place that his brother died for.
Nobody remembered the Uchihas... But he will make them rise again.
With Sakura.
The thought constantly played in his mind, mocking him. He couldn't simply forget her, not because he loved her... No, that wasn't the cause. He simply needed her body.
Sasuke stepped into the hallway, taking his shoes off impatiently. "Sakura?" No answer. He moved to the kitchen, surprised to find nobody here. The dinner wasn't even ready. A nasty feeling awakened in the bottom of his stomach but he refused to panic yet.
It was so damn similar to that time.
He searched in every room, mumbling her name from time to time. No answer. Finally, he stood in front of the door to the bedroom. They were closed and as he took a step forward, something froze him in place. His heartbeat fastened and his hands started sweating. Sasuke swallowed and knocked on the door weakly. "Sakura? What is-" "Don't get in!" the desperation in her voice caught him off the guard. Something snapped in him and he tugged at the handle, finding the knob turned. "Fuck" he hissed as he desperately kicked the wood, getting the door off the hinges.
This couldn't be true.
She was supposed to obey him, dammit!
Sasuke fell on his knees as the dark realization of the sight he met sunk into his heart.
Sakura was lying on the floor, just like Mikoto all those years ago... He couldn't fool himself that the crimson liquid that covered her was something different than blood. He flinched when the pink-haired girl looked at him, smiling weakly. "I'm sorry..." was barely audible as Sakura's eyes lost their power and went frozen. Sasuke stayed limp, feeling the world's weight crashing on him.
Why...
Why?
WHY?!
He moved forward, angry that Sakura disobeyed him. She was supposed to be with him, dammit! She was supposed to be the one to rebuild his clan! What went wrong, what went fucking wrong? He took a grip on her body, shaking her badly and shouting "Why?! Why would you-" he stopped when he saw a white sheet of paper laying next to Sakura's leg.
A paper covered in her handwriting.
The black-haired ninja took the paper hesitantly, expecting a trap to unwind in front of him.
His eyes studied the writing quickly, fingers leaving smudges of blood, her blood, on the white piece.
And that's when Sasuke had realized that he killed the one he... He...
He loved.
Dear Sasuke... Or should I say Sasuke-kun... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry this didn't turn out well. But... You don't need me now.
I'm sterile.
I don't want to be a dead weight for you so...
I guess this is a farewell.
