Naegi had found a way to wake everyone up from their coma's after the simulation problem. It had taken around 2 years but they finally found a way. In those two years, I had been released from the simulation myself and made a new life for myself in the new world. The other 10 people who had was either murdered or executed, were rushed to the hospital so they could have tests done and be properly analysed for treatment. The same happened to me and the other 4 survivors.
When Naegi called me up that night, I didn't know how to feel. Komaeda was barley alive, slipping in out of comas due to his illnesses and how weak he was from the simulation. As Naegi hung up, I stared long and hard out of the window, everything around me becoming a blur. The phone in my hand began slipping slowly as my palms began sweating. I didn't know if I was blinking, I didn't know if I was breathing, all I knew was that since I heard the news about Komaeda, the world around me had began slowing down. The sound of my phone crashing to the ground was the only thing that brought me out of my daze.
I hadn't thought much of Komaeda in the last two years. He only crossed my mind a few times when I thought back to the whole scenario. I remember how psychotic he was and how he was obsessed with the idea of hope. He was truly a nut-case and he belonged in a psychiatric ward, away from normal human beings. Even so, he had his moments where he was generally a nice, caring person and he did have his moments when you could even say he was normal. Sometimes I regret saying mean things to him, after all, he had been through a lot and even I would probably end up acting the same way after such a terrible child hood. I knew that my thoughts and feelings of regret would never amount to anything until I could apologize in person to him. I picked up my phone and slipped it into my pocket, making sure I hadn't broken it first.
Should I go see him? Would he hate me? I didn't really act that friendly towards him and just to show up at his hospital bed out of no where would give him the wrong impression... right?
I looked around my empty apartment, only the furniture to keep my company. The clock ticked arithmetically in the silence as I thought. I wanted to go see him, I wanted to know if he was okay and that he was in fact alive but everything in my body stopped me. My legs wouldn't move towards the door and my hands wouldn't reach towards my keys. I looked outside again, spotting the hospital in the distance. It's an hour's walk from my house and a 30 minute drive depending on the traffic.
I wonder how he's doing. Is he lying there peacefully, his eyes staring up to the stars in the dark sky above, his expression light and dreamy or is he lying there, crumpled up in complete agony, his eyes filled with tears as he muffles his pained screams into the pillow? Is he lonely or is he surrounded by the others? Is he awake or has he slipped once again into a coma? I wanted to know the answers to these questions but no matter how much I tried to push myself away from the window, I couldn't move. I bit my lip in frustration, cursing to myself as I pressed against the cool glass.
Maybe I care for Komaeda more than I thought. Was I scared to confront him after everything that's happened? I remember how he died, how horrible and graphic it was... I don't want to see him die again. I want him to live a long and some what happy life and no die in another horrible and tragic way.
I yelled at myself, pushing away from the glass, grabbing my house and car keys and running out of the apartment. I pounded down the steps to the ground floor and flew out of the door into the night. I went up the car, unlocked the door and slotted the keys into the ignition. Nothing happened. I tried again but the same thing. Damn car was out of gas. I kicked the pedal and jumped out of the car, locking the door and I began running again. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see him smile at me the way he used to smile. I wanted him to be happy.
I ran between traffic, between the late night shoppers, not pausing for anything or any one. My feet and heart pounded together, my breath becoming erratic as I ran further. Once I reached the glass doors to the hospital, I stopped my legs. I looked up at the tall building, seeing lights spotted here and there in the block. I caught my breath and walked inside slowly.
The bright lights of the reception area blinded me for a few seconds before my eyes adjusted. I walked towards the front desk and asked a nurse where Komaeda was staying. Apparently I had already been put on the special guest list so they showed me the way to his room without any problems or protocol. He was on the 4th floor, room 324. I thanked the nurse who had shown me the way and lingered outside. Do I knock? What do I say? What if he's asleep? I hesitated to knock and turned around when the door opened I twisted my body to face back to the door.
"Hinata, you're here," Naegi said, a smile formed on his face. "Komaeda is awake if you want to go in, he's been asking for you." He spoke, pushing the door open further. I turned around fully and peeked inside, catching a glimpse of the white haired boy lying in bed. Naegi walked down the corridor, waving his hand in the air. "I'll talk to you soon Hinata," He called out. I nodded a silent agreement and stepped inside of Komaeda's room.
He was lying in his bed, he wore a grey bed robe and his left had had been removed and bandaged up. He was skinner than I remembered and his eyes were purple and sunken. He looked so lonely and isolated from the world and everyone, he didn't even seem to notice me as I walked inside. I closed the door and shuffled forward. Komaeda had his eyes shut closed but Naegi had said he was awake... did he lie to me so I would go in?
"Damn you Naegi," I muttered under my breath.
"Hinata-Kun?" a voice whispered. My head snapped up as the whisper travelled to my ear drums. Komaeda had turned his head to face me, his eyes now open and looking at me, a smile turned up on his lips. "You're here," His voice sounded so frail that it was barley audible.
"Of course I am you dumbass," I replied, insulting him along the way. I hadn't meant to insult him but it must come naturally to me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Don't apologize, there's no reason to apologize to me." His smiled grew wider and I felt tears build up in my eyes. Why am I crying?
"So how's your condition?"
Komaeda looked down, his eyes locked onto his wrist. "The doctors say that I won't make the night." I heard that sentence as clear as day. "My vital signs are really bad and my organ's are failing. I'll have a long and painful death. They gave me pain killers though so I shouldn't be in too much pain." He looked back up at me and smiled again. "Thank you for coming to see me before I die. I'll have a happy death knowing you're here."
"Don't say that! You're not going to die; you've got a second chance to live. Have hope," I yelled at him, tears streaming down my face. I looked at him and he seemed shocked. "What happened to all your hope?"
"You were my hope and in that simulation I realised that we were only despair. At that point on, I had no hope." Komaeda laughed a little before scrunching up his face in pain. "Hinata-kun, before I died, I wanted to tell you something."
"What did you want to tell me?" I asked, whipping the rolling tears away. He paused, chewing on his words before spiting them out.
"I love you," He breathed. I stared at him, my chest becoming tight. I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know how I felt about him, let alone whether I loved him or not back. "I don't need a reaction, or you to say anything, I just wanted to tell you before I die... again."
"You're not gonna die," I murmured defensively. Suddenly, Komaeda grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest.
"Do you feel that?" He asked, a serious tone stuck in his voice. I couldn't feel anything... What was missing from this picture? "Can you feel my heart beat? Or is it too frail to even make you notice that it's there?" He asked, looking down at our hands. I pulled away and sat down on a near by stool. "I don't want to die... well, not like this any way." He smirked, facing away from me. "Hey, Hinata-Kun?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm tired... I think I might sleep a bit more." He yawned and wiggled down in his bed. I nodded and tucked him in. He smiled and laughed, saying how it felt like I was his mother. "Thank you Hinata,"
"Hey, you finally said my name without the honorific." I laughed jokingly. He smiled back and closed his eyes and began to sleep. I stared at him, floods of tears pouring from my eyes. I reached over towards him and pressed my lips against his faintly warm ones. "Good bye Komaeda, I hope you can forgive me for what I've done to you," I whispered in his ear. I clasped his hand tightly in mine for a while and I ended up sleeping on his body.
That night, as I was sleeping, Komaeda died in his sleep. When I woke up that morning, he had a smile on his face and Naegi brought in a letter for me, written previously that day by Komaeda addressed to me.
"To Hinata,
If you are reading this, I am fortunately dead. I say fortunately because I am not worthy of anything, but let me not go on about my own self loathing. I wanted to say thank you. You did a lot for me and even though you were somewhat harsh in your words and actions, I know that they were there for a reason. I hope in the two years I was away, you didn't think much of me for I wasn't a particularly positive subject for you but I do hope that I popped up once or twice in your thoughts. That notion alone I hold dear to me.
Hinata, I know it's much to ask, but I want you to live for both yourself and me. I never got to do much in my life and after the simulation, I knew I never would. I want you to go out there and live your life. I want you to find a cute girlfriend who will love you more than I ever did... which would be impossible because I loved you more than my life would allow, but its nice to think that there is a girl out there that could live up to my standards of devotion.
Thank you Hinata,
From Komaeda Nagito.'
"I love you too, you stupid idiot," I smiled and pressed the note against my chest. I mightn't of loved him romantically but I did love him and I always will.
