Star Trek: By someone who has never watched it

Kirk swung around in his chair to face Spock.

"What's the situation?" he asked the Elvin man.

"We have stir-fry's coming in fast sir" he replied.

Kirk set the cannons to stun and aimed at the enemy ship. In a few swift shots the wok-stock ship crashed onto the ground below.

"We need to check for survivors" Spock said as he teleported away. Kirk followed, pressing the large button on his utility belt. In a flash of blinding light, he zoomed down to the planet. It was damp on the ground. Xavier rolled down to them and wondered what he was going to do. The three walked over to the ship, to examine the remains.

"They look hurt" said Spock as he poked a large noodle like creature.

"Its more than that he's dead Jim" said Xavier.

"Sorry, I can't hear you over how awesome I am" said Kirk. Xavier rolled his eyes.

"With great power comes great responsibility" he quoted from a friend. William Shatner then proceeds to punch Patrick Stewart off-screen while Nemoy gives a speech on geothermal physics.

"Beam me up Scotty" Kirk said into his wrist band. The Scottish warrior promptly shot them back up into the ship.

"Job well done team" Kirk said.

Next week, Kirk punches Tim Allen for that terrible parody family movie.