The tower had never felt so empty and lonely. Most of the team were out on their own missions. The only ones left were you, Tony, Wanda, and Vision. The latter two were probably out on a date again. Getting up from your bed, you walked over to the window, staring out at the glittering city before you. It had been a hard night. No matter how could you made your room, sweat stuck to your skin, forcing your hair down and sticking to your face. With a sigh, you stared back at your bed. The sheets were crumpled at the edge, half of them on the floor. The pillows were nowhere in sight – probably under the bed by now. It looked too large for you. How had your safe place come to feel like a prison?
Pushing your back against the cool window, you slumped down to the floor. The cold glass felt good against your skin. You weren't sure how long you stayed like that before your eyelids became heavy.
Knock. Knock.
Your eyes strained to open and you were still on the floor. "Come in," your croaked out. Your throat felt dry as your tried to swallow down the small amount of saliva in your mouth. A figure stood in the doorway to your room. The light from the hall cascaded across the floor, causing your arm to shoot up to cover your eyes as you hissed. "What are you doing on the floor?" the figure called out softly, slowly taking a few steps forward.
"I couldn't sleep Tony. What do you want?"
Tony had a habit of checking on you in the middle of the night. His insomnia always got the better of him and he sought refuge in your room. Over the past few months, the two of you had become close. The friendship took many turns for you both. IT wasn't long before you were sneaking around behind the team's back. No one knew. They couldn't. Tony was still with Pepper after all. And you? Well you were still considered the newbie. You didn't feel you had a real place yet.
"C'mon kid. To the bed. We'll… cuddle." Tony held out his hand to you, that damn smirk on his face that you knew all too well. "You come to my room, at 4am, to cuddle?" you scoffed, ignoring his hand as you made your way back to your feet. How long could this keep going on? Yes, the sex was great. Yes, you enjoyed every moment you shared with this man. But it was hard to go on pretending that it all meant nothing. "Why are you really here Tony?" Your voice was small and unsure.
Tony shuffled and gave a small shrug. "FRIDAY informed me about your trouble sleeping. Figured I would off some…assistance," his voice drifting.
"Seriously? Is that all I'm good for with you? What are we even doing Tony? You have Pepper!" What were you doing and how did you ever let it get this far? Tony had always been charming. When you started working with the Avengers, the two of you would constantly flirt. It was harmless. You flirted with everyone on the team. Everything was moving along smoothly and you were finding your place on the team. Everything was normal until a particularly hard mission. It was supposed to be easy – gather intel.
Nothing is ever easy. You had infiltrated the base but found a small child in one of the labs. You went against your orders and turned this into a rescues mission. You had barely made it out with the child in your arms. Tony had to drag you both into the quinjet, but you had done it. You got the intel and the child was safe. Once back, the whole team laid into you about your decision. No matter how many times your tried to explain yourself, it seemed no one was happy. You saved a child – they only saw disobedience. Tony was the only one to back you up, and for that you were grateful.
After the debriefing, Tony helped you back to your room and out of your armor. Tony stayed with you until you were done showering and redressed. Tucking you under your sheets, he promised to throw a party to take your mind off the latest mission and to get everyone in a better mood. You awoke late the next day. Everything was still normal. The team was gathered in the common area, paper balls and jokes being thrown around while everyone laughed.
The party was like every other party. Loud. Crowded. Full of drunks hoping to get famous by rubbing against Tony. You hated it but it kept your mind from wandering too much. You had given in and had fun; drinking, mingling, even dancing with some of your teammates. You had caught the eye of a handsome man and found yourself in his arms while on the dance floor. You could feel glared being directed at you from behind.
Tony had been watching this guy put his hands all over you, even trying to slip under your dress. He had Pepper, who couldn't be at the party. So why did seeing you with this guy make him seethe with anger? He felt his chest tighten the longer he watched. That night had ended with Tony grabbing your hand and dragging you away to his lab. Clothes were scattered across the floor as he had you bent over one of his work benches. The first time together had been rough as he plunged into you, his fingers gripping hard at your hips. The next couple times that night had been just as rough, Tony having his way with you. Your body was tender the next morning, your back and neck littered with scratches and bruises. Your head felt light and the migraine was one of the worst to date.
When Natasha and Wanda saw you later in the day, they giggled and congratulated you. It was best to let them believe you had hooked up with the other guy from the party. Neither you or Tony every expected anything to come from that night. No one ever expects repeating mistakes. Over. And Over. And over again. For almost a year.
Tony stayed standing in the same spot, his hand was ruffling his hair as he gave you a shrug. "what do you want me to say? I thought you were OK with this arrangement. This is what you asked for anyway, remember? You were the one not wanting attachment, telling me this was just sex."
You couldn't help but shoot him a glare. How dare he place the blame solely on you! Throwing your hands in the air, you walked over to your closet and grabbed your emergency duffel bag. When you joined the team, you soon realized it was best to keep a bag with at least a week's worth of clothes and supplies, just in case you had a last minute mission or any other emergency. "I can't do this anymore Tony! I can't keep hiding. I feel wrong keeping secrets from everybody!" You grabbed a pair of jeans and slipped them on. Tony took a step toward you and froze, "What are you doing?"
You grabbed your favorite pair of boots and shoved your feet in, not bothering to even lace them up. You refused to answer his question. You didn't even know what you were doing. All you knew was that you had to get away, as much as you could from this place.
"Hey! I asked you a question! Now, answer me!" Tony was fuming, his face red. Even in the low light, you could make out the features of his face. You craved to reach out and touch him, to smooth away the furrow in his brows, the clenched jaw. But you knew that it would be your undoing and if you reached out now, you would be sucked back in. Instead, you stayed silent and continued dressing and gathering your things.
Sliding past him, you reached under your bed and pulled out another bag. You refused to go anywhere without your weapons bag. Tony hadn't moved from the spot, his eyes never leaving you. Moving around him once again, you grabbed your laptop and other small electronics, tossing them in the bag with your weapons. Tony finally moved to block the door to your room. You gripped both bags tight, your jaw clenching hard. "Move Tony."
"No, not until you answer me!"
"I. Said. Move!" you glared at the man in front of you, refusing to answer him anymore. Finally relenting, Tony stepped aside. Unsure if he would block you again, you quickly pushed past and walked toward the elevator. This was both of you, it was for the best.
"So this is it? Just going to leave?" His voice was small. You swore you heard a crack as he spoke. "It's for the best Tony. We couldn't keep this up forever."
You rushed inside the elevator as the doors opened. Tony reached his hand in as the doors were beginning to close. "Please. Don't!" There was a lump forming in your throat but you knew you had to be strong. You let out a breath and shook your head. "Please. If You walk out that door, out this place," he paused and took a deep breath, "If you walk out that door, don't even think about coming back." Tony kept his eyes locked to yours, pleading for you to reconsider and to stay.
Biting your lip, you shook your head again. Reaching forward you pressed the close door button. "I'm tired of being your dirty little secret. Goodbye Tony."
The elevator finally closed and began its descent to the garage. You would get out the city for a while. You sat in your car, trying to compose yourself and figure out where you would go. A buzzing from your bag pulled you out of your thoughts.
*Tasha: Almost home! Can't wait to spill! Movies and cuddles?*
Tossing the phone back into the bag, you sped out of the garage and joined the New York traffic. You would go stay with old friends. You whispered a promise of calling Natasha and Wanda when you reached your destination. "Goodbye Avengers" you whispered to the night air. It was time to start over again. After some time driving, your grabbed your phone and punched in a number you had long since memorized. After a few rings, someone finally answered, "Hey, long time no hear!" You smiled at the familiar voice, "Hey, sorry. I'm on my way toward ya. Can I come crash for a couple of days?"
You could hear shuffling in the background and the creak of a bed. You felt bad calling this late, but you hadn't thought your departure all the way through. "Of course you can, this is always your home. I'll see you when you arrive and you can tell me everything."
You smiled and let out a small sigh. "Thank you Hank, I'll explain once there. I shouldn't be much longer." You were headed back to what you called home and back to your family.
