Hopeless

That might as well be my name; I've been called that one too many times. Gone were the days of fame and glory. Hiding from the press prevented that. The name Alvin Seville was no longer one that was recognized easily. It was a real treat for someone to come up and relate me to something they saw.

Hopeless

Countless doctors and counselors had given up in me and my troubled mind. I refused to seek out anymore help. I would probably just be rejected. Sometimes, it felt as if was just I against the world, and nobody else.

I tried to get better, to cast aside my emotions and thoughts and continue to live out my life. But ever since Brittany died, I was a hot mess. The first few months were God awful. I would attempt to numb the pain with alcohol, and it worked, but the remedy was temporary and the hangovers reminded me that nothing changed. The auburn haired beauty was forever gone, and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

Hopeless

My friends and family had not come to visit me in months. They knew in would only result in a fight. The only times I ever really went out was to buy more necessary supplies for living. I don't know why I bothered, life was just a pointless blur to me now.

Hopeless

The psycho was still out there, lurking in the shadows and waiting for his next victim to foolishly wander into his claws. I remember going after him, trying to catch him and make him pay for stabbing my lover. But he was too fast. Too slick. He was outside and running away before the police had even showed up. I never really took in his physical appearance. All I knew was that he had to pay.

Hopeless

That word echoed in my mind as I wandered around San Francisco. Dozens of couples roamed the streets, torturing me to no end. I was envious of their happiness, happiness that I should be experiencing.

Hopeless

That's all I am.

Hopeless

There is no cure for my suffering.

Hopeless

That's all I ever will be.

Hopeless

There it was. The place where all of my pain would end. Where nothing can come and hurt me even more. There will be no more drunken, lonely nights. No more crying over her. No more dreading the next day. Honestly, the Golden Gate Bridge never looked more intriguing.

Hopeless

There were no cars around, it was Valentine's Day. No doubt, people were cuddling and kissing and enjoying the company of their lover. The thought sickened me. How dare Destiny deprive me of this!
I had no regrets, other than not avenging my Brittany's death. Walking up to the railing of the bridge, there were no feelings of fear. Fluttering butterflies did not enter my stomach. I was not scared.

Taking my life would be the best decision I ever made. It's not like anyone would miss me.

Hopeless

My life is a waste without her.

Hopeless

I've given up.

Hopeless

There was no hesitation, no quick movements to prevent my goal. With one last shriek, I jumped.
The water was frigid. It felt as millions of tiny needles were sticking into my skin. My lungs ached, my lack of oxygen taking a tole in them. I needed air, but I refused to swim back up. It would be worth it in the end.

Hopeless


Just something to show you guys I'm not dead. I'm sorry I haven't updated, I truly am, and I'm trying. I just don't have as much time as I would like to.
I love you all, and I appreciate you guys for not giving up on me just yet.
And sorry for the major tear jerker! It just kind of popped into my mind, and I wrote it down.