Totally Bleached

Author's notes: so, to compensate for my missing "Shinigami Collection", I'm writing this story to satisfy my Bleach hunger. To make this clear for the first chapter, this story will have no plot. The chapters are just random scenes I'd like to picture the crew doing over in the material world. Booya!

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. Bleach isn't mine. Gosh.


"-and that's why we're here."

"Huh."

"At your school."

"Huh."

"In your house."

"Huh."

"In your room."

"Huh."

"In your hair."

"Hu- eh?" Ichigo stuttered, giving Renji a look.

Renji waved his hand in Ichigo's face and dismissed him. "Never mind," he said. "Anyway, that's why we're in the material world."

"Huh."

That's how it all really started, actually. Soul Society thought he was too wimpy to take care of a few of Aizen's bootlickers, so they decided, probably on the spur of the moment, too, to send the material world some of their finest…shinigami (and by finest, Ichigo thought, some of the shinigamis Seireitei was just dying to get rid of).

Ichigo didn't want to wonder how he fit Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, and Rukia all into his tiny bedroom.

…he also didn't want to wonder why he was serving them all milk and cookies. Why not some tea and biscuits? Or some apple pie to go with? Kami must hate him if he is to service Seireitei's death gods. "Drink your damn milk already, Toushirou, it's good for a kid like you."

"Urusai. And it's Hitsugaya-taichou to you, baka." The white haired captain groused from his reading material. He was sprawled on the carpet, totally engrossed in a guide booklet.

"Ha, that's all the eleventh!" Ikkaku roared triumphantly, pointing at an enraged Renji. "You prissy rokubantai lackey can kiss my ass!"

Renji scowled at the game controller. "What the fuck, Ikkaku, my Pikachu was poisoned! That ain't fair! Yer Beedrill was supposed to die second round!!"

Ikkaku was too busy gloating over his victory to listen to whatever Renji was saying. "Yer just mad 'cause I beat you up on the stadium! Ya wuss!"

"Now, now, no fighting amongst combatants. We are all on an equal level when battling with the imaginary animal species." Yumichika interjected matter-of-factly before things got too ugly.

Ikkaku huffed with a smirk. Just for the fun of it, he added under his breath, "That's how the eleventh opens a can of whoopass."

"The hell, Ikkaku!" Renji shouted.

"Yumichika, you have to admit, that Satoshi is a cutie though, hmm?" Matsumoto inputted from the sidelines. When Yumichika nodded and giggled, the two wondered off to the farthest corner of Ichigo's room to continue their fangirling.

"Guys. Really, it's just Pokemon. That's stuff's old school now." Ichigo deadpanned after setting the tray of cookies down for Rukia to savage… which she did with a hungry passion.

"These are heaven!" Rukia said over a mouthful. "Just as wonderful as the packaged juice boxes!"

"…yeah." Ichigo said. His attention was then diverted to the two idiots fighting over the game controller.

"I'm player one! I always win, so that means I'm always player one!" Ikkaku said as he continued to viciously pull on the cord of the controller.

"It's my turn, ya hog! Why're you always player one?!" Renji growled whilst trying to get a better grip on the joystick.

"Stop this nonsense immediately. I have memorized the game booklet, so give me the controller." Hitsugaya demanded as he got off the floor and straightened himself with a look of expectant anticipation. He held out his hand with growing eagerness.

"Taichou, help me get this outta Ikkaku's hand an' I promise to let you play after I beat the shit outta him." Renji offered without a look at the small captain.

"Fuck that idea!" Ikkaku growled. The two continued to battle on for control of the joystick.

Hitsugaya looked mildly offended by being totally ignored. "You leave me with no choice then. I order you to give me the controller."

"Wait your turn, taichou," Matsumoto sighed from the corner with Yumichika.

"I will not wait for my turn, Matsumoto," Hitsugaya retorted over his shoulder, his hand still out stretched for the controller. "Children wait, and I am not a child, but juubantai taichou of Gotei 13."

Matsumoto sighed again. "Of course you are, taichou…" she turned around to continue talking and giggling with Yumichika.

Ichigo cursed under his breath when he had to pick up the crumbles Rukia was leaving everywhere from her cookies. He grumbled loudly when the two battling duo crashed into his closet and left a dent where they landed. Ichigo had nearly wanted to rip out his own hair when Hitsugaya had had enough of being ignored and decided to unleash Hyourinmaru in the small restrictions of his very modest bedroom.

"Why are you all hereee!???!" Ichigo wailed, dropping his hand where he had collected scattered cookie crumbs. The shinigami took a moment to stare at the falling scraps of biscuits as Ichigo started his fit.

"You all have a place to say and hang out, why are you all here in my tiny room?!" Ichigo growled when Ikkaku and the rest of them shrugged. Ichigo pulled on his hair in frustration.

"Ikkaku, Yumichika, aren't you guys staying at Keigo's or something?" He asked. Ikkaku was going to answer him but he cut him off. "Matsumoto, Toushirou-"

"Hitsugaya-taichou," the small captain growled, pointing Hyourinmaru (still in its initial state) in the orange haired shinigami's direction.

"Whatever," Ichigo exclaimed with annoyance. "Aren't you staying at Inoue's?"

"Well, yes, but-" Matsumoto started.

"Ah, don't say anything!" Ichigo started to pace angrily. "Renji, your staying at Urahara-san's and Rukia stays in my closet." Ichigo closed his eyes as his left eye started to form a tick.

"Sooo…?" Renji asked.

Ichigo set his jaw. "If you guys have a place to stay, why are you all here? Seriously, you give me a headache…"

Ikkaku snatched the controller out of a brooding Renji's grip. "We're here for the Pokemon, duh. Hitsugaya-taichou, I'll take you on. Renji fucking sucks at this game."

"What the hell! I wanna play!" Renji whined but sat down on Ichigo's bed to brood to himself quietly when Hitsugaya aimed Hyourinmaru his way. "Fine, but I ain't gonna be happy," he mumbled with a frown.

"No one gives a flying fuck, Renji," Ikkaku said whilst having his ass served to him by the midget captain. "Oi! Ya gone an' froze Beedrill!"

Hitsugaya was calmly executing his finishing attack on the practically dead Beedrill as he answered, "Articuno is of the ice variety. Grass types are no match." There went Beedrill. "Have you not read the instructions manual?" Hitsugaya asked tauntingly.

Ichigo, meanwhile, took to his bed where Renji sat contemplating. Both had identical frowns to match and a furrowed brow as Ichigo decided to plop down.

"This sucks," Ichigo and Renji growled at the same time.

"…next time, we're going to Inoue's."


Terms:

Shinigami: death god.

Seireitei: court of pure souls; where the nobility and shinigami of Soul Society live.

Kami: god.

Urusai: shut up.

Baka: idiot, moron, ect.

Taichou: captain.

Rokubantai: sixth division.

Juubantai: tenth division.

Gotei 13: the organization which most shinigami join. It is split into thirteen divisions (hence the name).

Author's notes: first of all, Pokemon doesn't belong to me. I'm not sure who it belongs to… (hey, is it Nintendo or Satoshi Tajiri?) ya, this was all pretty random. Be prepared for more, guys :)