Shadowhunters 2x07 – Falling

So this is my take on what happened after the long awaited Malec scene was cut short. The story begins just after Alec had his talk with Izzy.

(this the translated version of the german fic „Fallen lassen", which I wrote and published here as well. I always planned to publish it for the english speaking community but had to write it in my native tongue first to get it right, that's why there are two versions of it.)

Enjoy!

The longer Alec ran the higher his tension rose. Usually running, fighting, letting off steam during training helped him release stress – and nothing more was the mixture of feelings he had to bear in that moment: a mixture of anxiety, fear, excitement, anticipation? He ran faster, hoping to calm down, but since he ran towards the source of his anxiety he wasn't very successful. The people of New York that he almost knocked over stared at him. He had no time for glamouring himself. Suddenly Alec grinned in confidence. They should watch him, see what a happy man looked like, a determined, confident guy on the way to his fantastic boyfriend, planning to have the most fanatastic night of all the people in New York. He almost hoped people would be able to read his mind or interpret his bold way of pushing through the sexually active majority of straights.

He wasn't all that wrong: a bunch of teen boys hung around at the corner of the street cheered for him and yelled: „Faster, you'll get her! Her window is open!"

Alec grinned at that, but it also crossed his mind what those kids had to say when they found out that he wasn't running after a pair of breasts.

He'd had enough of the secrecy. He wanted to be honest to himself at the very least. Half an hour from now he would….and an hour or two later they would probably… granted Magnus didn't give him that confused-amused look he received from the passerby. He hadn't even remembered to take a shower before leaving. Just like on the day of their first date he wasn't prepared at all, but today his appearance was of even greater importance than on the first date. All of a sudden the sweat on his neck felt cold, he panicked and slowed down. Arriving at Magnus's being a totally sweaty mess surely wouldn't be helpful. A thought crossed his mind, the memory of Magnus seeing him shirtless when he had interrupted his training. He had seemed to be quite fond of Alec's body, to say the least. Maybe sweat wasn't all that bad?

Utterly confused by his thoughts Alec hopped on the nearby bus that was about to depart. He found a seat and used the window to check the state of his hair. Disheveled. Sexy or garbage?

He let out a deep sigh and look away from his questionable reflection. If running hadn't helped him calm down maybe a short bus ride might help get his thoughts under control.

The big question was, what should he expect? What would he do? What would Magnus do? How was he supposed to act to meet Magnus's expectations? Would he know what Magnus liked? He had some notions on what he would like to try or what he wished Magnus might do or could do or want to do…

„Do not overthink it", Izzy had said. Alec sighed. He did just what she had warned him not to do. He overthought the whole thing. But wasn't this also a good sign? Wasn't it indicating that he was serious about it and wanted to get it right?

He never had had a chance of experiencing these feelings before: thinking about someone else the way he did now without feeling guilty for it, thinking about someone else's needs and desires, and maybe become the one who would be granted the pleasure of fulfilling those desires…

„When things get crazy, don't push me away", Magnus had told him. Your problems are also mine, wasn't that what he had meant? We'll become one if you let it happen, that's what it meant, wasn't it? They had talked a lot lately, shared secrets that Alec never had shared with anyone, and Magnus had gifted him with secrets that no one ever had been willing to tell him. Alec wanted to share even more with Magnus, open up to him. He felt save with him. Didn't that prove that the right time was just now? And didn't Magnus feel the same – „You've unlocked something in me", he had said a good while ago. At that time Alec hadn't even felt anything more than confused curiosity. That definitely had changed. How deeply, crucially must it had changed for Magnus until now, this feeling of being able to be open and honest with Alec!

„If it makes you happy, then go for it", Izzy had told him – and Magnus had too, Alec remembered: „Do what's in your heart." He wasn't afraid of being rejected. Magnus had seen him, he had liked it, what should he be afraid of? Suddenly Magnus' state of experience didn't scare him off anymore: all the mistakes that Alec might be making shouldn't surprise Magnus, so he surely would be very understanding about them? That thought reduced Alecs fear of failing completely and ruining the whole plan by a little bit, though not that much…

He sighed again and tapped his knee in a steady rhythm. His leg had been shaking all along, he noticed now. The woman opposite to him had had enough of that by now:

„Young man, you'll stomp a whole into the floor if you don't stop this", she said, but not in an unfriendly manner.

Alec stared at her. People. This bus was lumbered with them. „Uhm, yes. My apologies."

She smiled at him, adjusting the bag in her lap and leaned over to him. „I bet there's somebody waiting for you once that bus arrives?"

Alec tried to keep his facial expression under control, blinked and shrugged, but he felt himself grinning from ear to ear.

The woman leaned back with a chuckle. „How sweet to know young gentleman get nervous as well when they're about to take their princess out."

Her choice of words killed Alecs composure, he let out a dry snort. Sexy. Luckily that was when Magnus's apartment's building came into sight. Alec got up. The bus came to a halt and Alec had already turned towards the door, then decided to turn back at the woman, her stupid „princess" echoing in his head.

„Actually", he began, „I'm about to see my boyfriend. And I won't take him out, we're going to have sex." He jumped off the bus and ran, heart pounding and blood pumped with adrenaline singing in his ears. That poor woman's stupid face gave him quite a boost. It appeared to him that there theoretically might have been other shadowhunters on the bus hearing him talk but he shooed the thought away as soon as he reached the building.

The main door hit the wall with a bang from the force of Alec pushing it open. He jumped up the stairs, taking three steps at a time, spurted down the hallway and reached the door, the door to Magnus's apartment. He stopped. He gasped for air. He counted to ten. Alec forced himself not to knock immediately, he needed to calm down, fix his hair. He closed his eyes, listening to his formerly raging thoughts. There was only one particular feeling remaining; yearning. His heart seemed to be close to jumping right out of his chest and through the door to where Magnus was right know, unaware of the shadowhunter's plans or feelings.

„You continue to surprise me", Magnus had said with that little appealing smirk. It would be a pleasure to Alec to surprise him once more. And the heavens have mercy on his soul if his parabatai was home. He raised his hand and knocked.

TBC