Betrayal
Disclaimer: All rights for the characters/storyline etc. go to the BBC and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I own nothing.
A/N: Yes I know it's a bit wordy, please no comments on that. Otherwise, reviews are love!
Betrayal. How can such a dry, dull word encompass such a world of hurt. How can it enfold this stabbing pain, like a knife twisting deep into your heart and tearing a ragged wound.
"John..." I let you in, I let you in, my heart laments. I befouled myself in your presence, knocked down walls, allowed your slithering serpent innocence to cloud my judgement.
How did I not see it? How can you be Moriarty? How did you manage it under my very nose?
Friendship; the cursed blessing. I appreciated it at first, the shoulder to lean on, the unwavering loyalty, unquestioning ear. And then the appreciation went...deeper. The brave lion snarling in my defence, leaping in head-first pricked deeper than that superficial appreciation and the warm thrill that chased through my veins startled me into seeing the true depth of my infatuation with the soldier I thought I knew.
And to learn it was all a deception. The warm glow of emption that lingered still froze into a ball of ice. Ice shooting like glass shards through my body in sickening painful jolts and stabs and, for the briefest of moments, I knew utter loathing before the bitter cold burnt out in the depths of my despair, the vastest of oceans.
And I knew also, that it mattered. It mattered so much that it was John, not the criminal equal I had desired because I cared about the doctor in a way that I didn't fully understand.
John Watson, however much before I had doubted it, was a friend. My friend.
And as I let this revelation sink into my soul and swamp every pore of my body in a tide of emotion, something inside me crumples and falls and with it comes the feeling I am no longer whole.
As gaze at him, the horror fading, to be replaced by growing sadness and resignation and that gaping empty hole, already spiralling fractures, I know this one thing.
I am a broken man.
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