Total Drama Ways To Die Ay Carumbear! [1]
San Jose, California September 19, 2015
Alejandro was heading home from the bank one cool September evening after cashing some compensation checks from Chris due to his injuries from the past years.
As he was walking home, he noticed that it was very quiet outsideā¦.a little too quiet. He had the feeling somebody was following him. And he had a pretty good hunch as to who it was.
"Heather! LeShawna! Bridgette! Heck, even Tyler! You're not getting my money. Or my good looking abs for that matter! So just go home!"
Alejandro, wanting to get away from all his unwanted fans, decided to take a detour into a nearby forest. Which, as he soon realized, was a big mistake. Especially for a good looking Latino who just ate dinner at the town burger shack.
Suddenly, Alejandro heard some rustling coming from the bushes. He expected his frenemy Heather or even Sierra the stalker, but instead saw a shadow that was unrecognizable to him.
It was the shadow of a grizzly bear. They weren't too common around Alejandro's neighborhood, but he still knew how to deal with one.
He ripped off his shirt, hoping to distract the bear for just a moment so he could get away. But when the bear's facial expression turned from confusion to anger, he realized it wasn't his hot bod the grizzly was after.
It was the leftover cheeseburger in his pocket.
Alejandro then thought that it was a good time to start running. But when you're still recovering from a volcano mishap, you start to get weak very easily.
When the bear caught up, it had no trouble mauling the heartthrob, ripping him limb from limb with its sharp claws, blood and flesh everywhere.
The easiest part was leaving the mutilated corpse in the middle of the forest as the bear stumbled off, eating his remains.
The next morning, while biking through the woods, Heather saw the body of her long denied lover, body agape.
Heather always thought Alejandro would die in a more honorable way. But being killed in a way like this, was just emBEARassing.
[1]: A reference to the Spanish saying "Ay Carumba!" and the fact that Alejandro was mauled to death by a bear.
