Disclaimer: I do not own Elmo…..or Sesame Street…..WAHHHHH *cries*
*theme song Elmo's World comes on*
*a boy, sixteen, black hair with red and blonde streaks that was over one eye appeared*
Cohen: *says dryly* Hello. I am sorry to inform you that Elmo…has been murdered… *throws the bloody knife aside* So, I am his replacement.
Director: *comes into the shot* Now, Cohen, sweetheart, darling---
Cohen: I'm not a stupid girl….WHY DOES EVERYTHING MISTAKE ME FOR A CHICK!?!
Director: *whispers to assistant* She must be on her period….
Assistant: *nods* Girls are so emotional….
Cohen: *SIGH*
Director: Now, listen, we need you to be….happier….
Cohen: Can we just keep rolling?
Director: Fine…. *walks out of shot with Assistant* ACTION!!!!
Cohen: Today, children, we will be learning about a new subject.
Audience: What's that, Elmo?
Cohen: SHUT UP YOU DUMB KIDS, AND MY NAME ISN'T ELMO, IT'S EMO ELMO!!!!
Audience: *children whimper and cry*
Cohen: Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was saying we have a new subject. It's called Happiness and Sadness.
*a knock comes behind a drawn door:
Cohen: *rolls eyes* Go away, Mr. Doodle!!! Nobody likes you, go talk to your cat!!!!!
Mr. Doodle: *muffled cuss words*
Cohen: Now the first thing is, Happiness. *pauses* THERE IS NO SUCH THING. SORRY KIDS, TOO BAD.
Audience: *gasps and sobs*
Cohen: Sadness, or what everyone calls it Depression, makes you do a lot of things! Lets meet our new friend, Elijah the Razor Blade!!!
*a razor blade muppet comes out*
Elijah: Hello, Emo Elmo!
Cohen: Ello, Elijah. Now, tell us what you did today.
Elijah: Well, Emo Elmo, I do not think what I did today is appropriate for the minds and ears of our young readers and watchers.
Cohen: …….I know what you did……..
Elijah: *eyes go wide*
Cohen: YOU killed Elmo!!!
Elijah: HEY!!!!!! YOU MADE ME!!!!!!!!
Director: THIS IS GETTING OFF TOPIC!!!
*Cohen tackles Elijah*
*Elijah cuts Cohen and Cohen bites Elijah*
Cohen: *jumps back and bleeds everywhere* YOU BASTARD!!!
Director: Watch your language in front of the children!
Elijah: SHUT UP OLD MAN!!!!!!
Director: NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!
Kermit: I like cupcakes.
Everyone: Where did you come from!?!
Kermit: …….I don't know……
Director: ELIJAH, EMO ELMO, KISS AND MAKE UP!!!!!
Both: EWWWWWW!!!!
Director: NOW!!!
Both: Fine!
*Elijah and Cohen hug each other and say their appoligies*
Cohen: Can I ask a favor Elijah?
Elijah: OH OF COURSE!!!!
Cohen: *whispers in his razor bladey ear*
Elijah: OF COURSE!!!!!
*NEXT SEEN*
*camera comes up on Cohen having Elijah in his hand and red stuff everywhere*
Audience: *GASP* NOOOOOOOOO, EMO ELMO!!!!!!!!
Cohen: *looks at camera and picks up the sandwich and puts away the ketchup* I can't always be emo….
