Disclaimer: I do not own Elmo…..or Sesame Street…..WAHHHHH *cries*


*theme song Elmo's World comes on*

*a boy, sixteen, black hair with red and blonde streaks that was over one eye appeared*

Cohen: *says dryly* Hello. I am sorry to inform you that Elmo…has been murdered… *throws the bloody knife aside* So, I am his replacement.

Director: *comes into the shot* Now, Cohen, sweetheart, darling---

Cohen: I'm not a stupid girl….WHY DOES EVERYTHING MISTAKE ME FOR A CHICK!?!

Director: *whispers to assistant* She must be on her period….

Assistant: *nods* Girls are so emotional….

Cohen: *SIGH*

Director: Now, listen, we need you to be….happier….

Cohen: Can we just keep rolling?

Director: Fine…. *walks out of shot with Assistant* ACTION!!!!

Cohen: Today, children, we will be learning about a new subject.

Audience: What's that, Elmo?

Cohen: SHUT UP YOU DUMB KIDS, AND MY NAME ISN'T ELMO, IT'S EMO ELMO!!!!

Audience: *children whimper and cry*

Cohen: Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was saying we have a new subject. It's called Happiness and Sadness.

*a knock comes behind a drawn door:

Cohen: *rolls eyes* Go away, Mr. Doodle!!! Nobody likes you, go talk to your cat!!!!!

Mr. Doodle: *muffled cuss words*

Cohen: Now the first thing is, Happiness. *pauses* THERE IS NO SUCH THING. SORRY KIDS, TOO BAD.

Audience: *gasps and sobs*

Cohen: Sadness, or what everyone calls it Depression, makes you do a lot of things! Lets meet our new friend, Elijah the Razor Blade!!!

*a razor blade muppet comes out*

Elijah: Hello, Emo Elmo!

Cohen: Ello, Elijah. Now, tell us what you did today.

Elijah: Well, Emo Elmo, I do not think what I did today is appropriate for the minds and ears of our young readers and watchers.

Cohen: …….I know what you did……..

Elijah: *eyes go wide*

Cohen: YOU killed Elmo!!!

Elijah: HEY!!!!!! YOU MADE ME!!!!!!!!

Director: THIS IS GETTING OFF TOPIC!!!

*Cohen tackles Elijah*

*Elijah cuts Cohen and Cohen bites Elijah*

Cohen: *jumps back and bleeds everywhere* YOU BASTARD!!!

Director: Watch your language in front of the children!

Elijah: SHUT UP OLD MAN!!!!!!

Director: NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!

Kermit: I like cupcakes.

Everyone: Where did you come from!?!

Kermit: …….I don't know……

Director: ELIJAH, EMO ELMO, KISS AND MAKE UP!!!!!

Both: EWWWWWW!!!!

Director: NOW!!!

Both: Fine!

*Elijah and Cohen hug each other and say their appoligies*

Cohen: Can I ask a favor Elijah?

Elijah: OH OF COURSE!!!!

Cohen: *whispers in his razor bladey ear*

Elijah: OF COURSE!!!!!

*NEXT SEEN*

*camera comes up on Cohen having Elijah in his hand and red stuff everywhere*

Audience: *GASP* NOOOOOOOOO, EMO ELMO!!!!!!!!

Cohen: *looks at camera and picks up the sandwich and puts away the ketchup* I can't always be emo….