Disclaimer: Glee gehört mir nicht. (That's German for 'I don't own Glee':) I mean :( ;)
A/N: This story was inspired by two great prompts from the Between Friends Project, so first of all a big THANK YOU to everyone involved in it. You guys have given me a lot of wonderful story ideas over all these months, and so much amazing feedback. You also already know the first two chapters to this, so feel free to read on once I post chapter three:)
To everyone else, I hope you love the read as well. Let me know?
Chapter 1
Torn
Blaine cannot remember the door to Kurt's room ever having had a mirror on its outside.
Then again, Kurt loves to make changes once in a while, or twice, so Blaine is not really surprised to find it there when he comes by on a Tuesday afternoon after school at Dalton, a book under his arm he had borrowed from Kurt a while ago, back before he even had started attending Dalton too.
Blaine has forgotten to return it for so long already he feels it is time to give it back immediately, even if his forgetfulness during the day means he has had to drive to Lima.
Because, of course, with Warbler practices and the madness that is Nick and Jeff's new relationship surrounding all of the friends, Blaine had kept forgetting all through the school day and remembered only right after Kurt had left - the book still resting safely in Blaine's satchel.
Now that Blaine thinks about today and Kurt, he realizes, only now, Kurt had been really quick out of the common room, '...exceptionally quiet all day.'
Blaine feels ashamed, can barely look at himself in the mirror anymore allof a sudden, 'What if something is really wrong? I should be a better friend than that.'
Blaine still feels guilty enough about the whole Karofsky incident. He had seen no sense that day in breaking down in front of an already broken down Kurt, in apologizing for hours on end for causing him to do something that had led to Karofsky's kiss. Blaine had felt what Kurt had needed was distraction and a friend close by. And he had tried to be that.
Standing there Blaine's stomach is already churning as he hears a sob coming from inside the room. He stands completely frozen, 'Kurt does not know I'm here at all.'
'Finn let me in downstairs,' Puck only two steps behind him entering, Blaine had only realized when the other boy was next to him, Finn already closing the front door again.
Finn, Puck, the two of them are downstairs now playing videogames on the bigger living room television because as long as Burt is not back from work, well, they can, and they plan to make the most of their time, judging by the sounds of gunfire blasting up the stairs behind Blaine in a volume Blaine is sure he would find unbearable sitting right in front of the TV.
There are more sobs coming from behind the door now, and Blaine does knock, several times, himself trapped between the two soundscapes dominating the house.
After a moment's more wait he has to admit to himself that between the noise coming from downstairs and Kurt's own sobbing there is no way he will be heard anytime soon, so tightening his grip on Kurt's copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales Blaine slowly pushes the handle of the door to Kurt's room down.
If the noises from downstairs were not this loud he could hear the sound of a gasp coming from inside, as he slowly pushes the door open wider, carefully prompting, "Kurt? Can I come in? I wanted to give you back your bo..."
Blaine freezes in the frame of the door, the only sound in the next moment the book, no longer in his hand, hitting the floor.
Then there is Blaine scrambling forward and his knees hitting the floor beside Kurt's bed.
It is a desperate whisper, "Kurt," as Blaine reaches over to where Kurt has rolled up, shirtless, on himself on his bed, face buried sideways in the pillows, away from Blaine, wincing as he holds the old, rough, stained towel against his abdomen.
He knows it is too late, Blaine has '... has seen.'
"Kurt."
Kurt can barely stand how watery his friend's voice sounds, nor make anything much of it, still held up in the pain piercing his broken skin.
Blaine swallows back the question, it feels wrong and intrusive to ask, 'Why?'
Kurt is outright crying now, Blaine can tell from the way his body shakes, even if he is biting back all sound.
Blaine reaches over and after picking up the bloody razorblade from the now stained bedcovers and dropping it onto the nightstand he, quickly toeing of his shoes, crawls onto the bed from the other side, beside Kurt, to face him.
Kurt turns his face away from Blaine again as soon as the boy reaches out to smooth back the pale boy's tousled hair.
"Please leave," Kurt chokes out after a moment of silence.
"I can't," Blaine's voice is broken but soft, the iron grip inside his chest still there, and he suspects not going anywhere anytime soon.
"Why not?" Kurt asks, voice so wet, it sounds like the boy is half drowned already.
"I care about you," Blaine brings out softly. "I will always care about you." And with that Blaine reaches out, takes the hands clutching the towel to Kurt's abdomen still into his hands, squeezes them warmly before he, leaving Kurt one hand to hold on to reaches, with the other, down and pulls carefully the fabric away, "Oh, Kurt."
The question is burning in Blaine's throat, but it does not feel fair or right to ask this much of Kurt right now so he swallows it back, down once more, 'Why?'
Kurt, looking down his body himself, winces at the fresh cuts being exposed to air, and Blaine can just catch Kurt's cheek with his left hand as he is about to turn his face away again.
Blaine caresses his cheek, leans down and places a kiss to Kurt's forehead that has Kurt's breath hitch, then whispers, "How do you usually," he chokes on the word, starts over, "How do you usually clean this up, when, ... after you're, you're ... done?" Blaine has seen the old lines too covering Kurt's abdomen, and he is neither naive nor stupid.
"Please leave," Kurt repeats his earlier plea. "I can ..., I'm used to ... I can do this part alone."
"Kurt," and for the first time since Blaine has entered this room Kurt willingly looks back at Blaine with red-rimmed eyes, bloodshot from all the tears that have washed over them today, tearing across Kurt's blurred sight. "Kurt, that's just it, I'm here for you. No matter what, 'No matter why,' you don't have to do, you don't have to deal with any of ..., with anything alone."
"But I am alone. I am at Dalton, I am a Warbler, and I am still so so alone. Seeing Nick and Jeff together ... . I," Kurt shakes his head but the new tears fall anyway, heavy, hard, "I will never not be alone. And I ... I, I need ... ."
"What do you need, Kurt?"
"I need to feel ... something."
