Charlie wasn't as dumb as he looked or acted. In fact, Charlie was exceptionally good at two things: Charlie work and teasing his lover, Mac. Mac's breath was now slowly hitching and Charlie decided to allow his lips to creep up to Mac's waiting mouth. Charlie knew that Dennis, Dee, and Frank would be sauntering through the door of Paddy's pub within minutes. They were doing this in plain sight. This was dangerous; they could get caught, and Mac knew it too. However, the thought had been pushed from his mind when Charlie and he had fallen onto the ground, and Charlie had so delicately traced the curve of Mac's jaw with his tongue.
"Fuck, Charlie," Mac managed to grunt between kisses "this is the dumbest place we've ever- oh!"
Charlie smiled inwardly. He had cut Mac off with a slight brush of his hand against Mac's nipple. Charlie knew exactly how to make Mac squirm. "Ever done what, Mac? If you're referring to me preparing to bang you, I'm pretty sure the dumbest place, to date, that I've done that in is Dennis's bed."
Mac broke the passionate kiss. "Shit, I forgot about that. How did that come about anyway?" Mac inquired with a slight, sexually charged shiver. Charlie had deepened the kiss as soon as Mac had stopped talking.
Charlie finally broke the kiss and sat up from the floor of the bar where they had sprawled only minutes before in a fit of, well, lust? Charlie wasn't sure. He just relied, "Oh, I don't even remember. All I remember is thinking that-"
"-Dennis was going to kill us if he ever found out?" Mac finished. He smiled. This earned him another kiss from Charlie as they fell backwards onto the floor again; this time Mac was on top.
"Kill you if I ever found out what?" the seemingly disembodied voice of Dennis asked from outside the door. Mac and Charlie panicked, but it was too late.
Dennis stood in the door of the pub; he was dumbstruck. He gaped like a fish at the spectacle in front of him. Charlie was lying beneath Mac on the floor of the pub, and they were engaged in what Frank might wish to call "Full on tonsil hockey". They were tangled in a manner that even Dennis had to admit he was impressed with; he didn't know that Charlie had that kind of choreography in him. However, that was not the pressing matter at hand.
"What the hell is going on?" Dee shouted as she dropped a box in the doorway. She had just walked in behind Dennis, and while he was too shocked to say anything, Dee was not.
Charlie began rambling in an out of breath manner; he said, "Huh? Oh nothing, I just, uh, I lost my, uh, chapstick, and uh, Mac was uh, sharing his with me, and uh…"
"Wait, what? Dude, I don't know where you're going with this, but that sounds more gay than what was actually happening!" Mac said while interrupting.
"Fuck, then I don't know, Mac! Just don't say gay right now, man!"
"Oh, then what am I supposed to say then, Charlie?"
"Shit, I don't know; this is so hard…"
"Don't either of you say that anything is hard!" Denis yelled.
"What's all the yelling about?" Frank said as he too walked through the door.
Dee exclaimed, "Mac and Charlie are being gay!"
"Oh, well that's not unusual, is it?" Frank said as he chuckled at what he thought was a brilliant witticism.
"No, I mean, actually gay. They were making out!" Dee clarified.
"Oh? Well, that still doesn't surprise me."
All eyes fell on Frank.
Frank felt that he had to elaborate, so he said, "Well, is it not obvious? Mac- he just acts gay. And Charlie is way too obsessed with Mac being his best friend. Do you, my children, have no gaydar at all? You obviously got that from your mother. I actually have excellent gaydar; once, I met a man in a bar, and he-"
"This is too weird," Dennis declared. He turned to leave, but was stopped by Dee.
"Shit, Dennis, we're not, like, homophobic! We were just shocked. You can't just leave," Dee stated.
"Huh? No, no, I'm not leaving because Mac and Charlie are queers! I'm totally fine with that. While that is a surprise, - I suppose our gaydar really isn't very good- I'm just leaving because dad's about to tell a story about something gay he did."
"Oh, well, yeah. That's… let's run!"
Dennis and Dee bolted out the door and left Frank, Mac, and Charlie standing (Mac and Charlie had finally managed to separate themselves enough to get off of the floor) in the middle of an empty bar.
"Well boys, I won't finish my story then," Frank said quickly. "Just remember to, uh, call us when you're done, um-"
"Being gay?" Charlie suggested eagerly (which earned him a true look of displeasure from Mac).
"Yeah!" Frank agreed as he wandered out the door. He called to Dennis and Dee, who were presumably right down the street, and asked them to wait for him so that they could buy him lunch.
Charlie and Mac just turned to look at each other.
"Uh, well…" Charlie stammered.
"Go!" Mac ordered.
It was two hours later when Dennis, Dee, and Frank returned to the bar again. On the counter, a note was scribbled in Mac's handwriting:
Went to the apartment for some fun (not Charlie's and Frank's because it's a shithole).
I promise we won't bang in your bed again, Dennis. Or do I?
-Mac
"Again?" cried Dennis.
Dee smiled.
"Yes," she thought, "Charlie and Mac are not as dumb as they look, not by a long shot."
