So once upon a time, there was a guy named Piccolo. And he was an alien. A real one. Like, wow right? Except he wasn't from Mars, which is just a little bit depressing. But he was green, so somebody got it right. And he had antenna. But he didn't get satellite TV, which is a real shame.

This guy, Piccolo, was bad ass. Not that that's not a common description. But this isn't a wishy washy bad ass; this is a real bad ass. The kind Mojo Jojo wishes he could be. And he was a total villain. 'Muahaha' laugh and all.

So, he went to Earth, a little blue marble, except it wasn't entirely blue, and had a lot of white and green on it, but shut up, this is for the poetic vision. And he decided he wanted to be Kami, because, hey, that sounds fun, right? God of an entire planet? Except the current Kami, was like "No. You're an asshole. You're not allowed to be God." So he begged. And Kami goes. "Sigh. Fine. But your assholeishness can just get its own body and just live in Sweden or something."

So, bored, the Asshole!Piccolo went and wreaked havoc and mayhem because it was just fun. Really, there wasn't much reasoning aside from that. And his Good self, Kami, was like "Oh no you din't." and he snapped his fingers in a Z formation. So poor Piccolo got sealed in a rice cooker.

Eventually, he got out. Eventually meaning a couple oh….a hundred years. And he went back to his old havoc and mayhem wreaking ways. And then he got his ass handed to him by this n00b named Goku. Well. He thought, What now? And he thought. And he thought. And he thought. And he decided, ya know what? I'm gonna make me an egg. And I'm not gonna eat it. I'm gonna have a son.

And then he, like, died. Fun stuff.

But his son was still alive. And he decided to fight Goku, who was now 1337, at the World Tournament. And, predictably, he lost. Again. So, maybe he's not very bad ass, and is more of a loser.

Five years (or so. I was never very good at math.) later, Goku (who was now OVER NINE THOUSAND RAWR)'s brother showed up. And wanted to take over the world. And Piccolo goes "Oh no you din't" and snaps his fingers as Kami had done many years ago. And he says "This is MY planet, Foo'." So he teamed up with the 9000 one, and when the enemy was defeated, decides to kill the 9000 one as well. And for the first time ever, he succeeds.

And since he was still an asshole, he decided Let's kidnap his son and make him my successor! Except, well, this weird thing happened. He decided the kid, Gohan, wasn't as completely annoying as he could be, and became fond of the little munchkin.

So fond, in fact, that he sacrificed himself when that one villains friends showed up. Which was sad. Everyone was like "He was mean, but, you know, sob cry blah."

And then, he got resurrected on his home world. While it was in the middle of being conquered, which kinda sucked, but the sentiment was nice. So, he merged with a dude on his world, increasing his power level, and kicked some arse.

And then he goes back to earth, and someone is trying to take it over. And that someone is green, and Piccolo knows there's only room for one green jerk on earth. And the guy agrees, and kicks his ass.

Then something happens with this guy who reminds most people of a blob of bubble gum. But that's not important, since Piccolo doesn't participate in any major battles.

And then, he goes down to hell. And it's all out of order and stuff. So Piccolo sighs, puts on his whuppin' gloves, and makes hell, well, Hell. And it was all good.