(Note - I'm really nervous about this. I'm going to try again with the crack fic. . .but I'm praying in my heart that this next thing hasn't already been made. . .In fact, I'm really doubtful that it will be the case. I came up with this just a few days ago. I kept wondering what it'd be like if L was forced to work at a fast-food restaurant?

Yeah, it'll probably be boring and cheezy, but it's for my own pleasure. Who knows? I may just deleted before anyone has a chance to read it!)

Disclaimers:

Death Note - Not mine

Characters - Not mine

(M'kay. Let's imagine our spaced-out young detective as a, say 19 or 20-year-old, longing for a simple purpose in life. He chose a place called Burger Yakki, known otherwise in America as Happy Burger. Let's see how he fares.)

"So, this is your résumé, Mr. err. . .Lawliet?"

"Call me L, or Ryuuzaki, if you have to call me anything." L sat across from the man at the desk, the man glaring slightly at him for his odd sitting posture. The man shrugged this off as easily as he could, and took another look at his résumé.

"So you claim to be the world's greatest detective."

"Because it's true. . ." The man stole another glare at the young boy, whom scared him slightly now, for all that he had seen in just looking at him, as well as his résumé. Those baggy black eyes. That dark, scraggly hair. His odd habit of placing his thumb in his mouth and chewing on it contently, like a dog chews on a bone. The man cleared his throat, licked his index finger, and turned the page.

"Do you have a driver's license?" "No."

"Medical or life insurance?"

"No."

"Do you even have a social security number? This resimee is so bland. It has nothing in it that I really need to know." L paused, the licked his finger gingerly, and removed it from his mouth.

"Actually, I do have a social security number, but I'm not obliged to give it to you. You could steal my medical records, for all I know." The man slapped his forehead with his palm, and tried to keep his patience with this weird, very stubborn young man.

"Look, err, Ryuuzaki. I'm the owner of Burger Yakki. I'm not a thief. If you think that I am, then you're even crazier than I thought you first were!"

(Well, somehow L gets a job at Happy Burger, and starts out where almost every rookie fast-food employee does. Cashier.)

"Alright, Ryuuzaki. This is your first day out of training. Have you memorized the menu?"

"Yes."

"Have you memorized prices?"

"Yes."

"Have you memorized tax?"

"Doesn't that come automatically when I enter a transaction?"

"D'err. . .testing you, R-Ryuuzaki. Now get to your post."

(Let's see how he fares. Customer Type One - The common consumer.

Average personality: Mainly mellow.

Likes: The price of the food, and basically the food. Not much else.

Dislikes: Waiting too long.

Tends to: Say his order in detail. Such as at MacDonald's. A 1 is a BigMac. A common consumer would say 'A BigMac' instead of 'a 1'.)

A middle-aged man approaches the counter to order his food, glancing at the menu behind L to make sure he has in his head what he wants.

"Welcome to Burger Yakki. How may I serve you?" L greets the man unenthusiastically, picking something from his fingernails.

The man ignores L, focusing mainly on a good lunch.

"I would like a fourth-pound burger with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles only, and a side order of onion rings, and a cola"

L stares the man in the eye as he is about to punch in his order, but stops.

"Why don't you say it like it's suppose to be said?"

The man raises a brow.

"What do you mean?"

"Just. . .nevermind." L enters the transaction, and and exchanges money with the man.

"Next time, just tell me that you want a 2, no onions, and onion rings, with a cola. It will make life better for the both of us." Ryuuzaki remarks to the man as he turns to leave, hiding a scowl.

(Customer Type Two - the Commoner

Personality: usually sweet-talks the cashier, especially if it's of the opposite sex.

Likes: Quick and easy transactions

Dislikes: Nothing much, really.

Tends to: Assume that the cashier knows what he means.)

A skater boy approaches the counter looking as pretty much nothing behind his sunglasses. He leans against the counter and smiles.

"The usual," he says bluntly.

Ryuuzaki doesn't budge. Only stares at the boy.

"Try again," he muses, almost bitterly.

"Y-You know, those, err. . .burgers!" the boy explains nervously.

Ryuuzaki points upward, toward the menu.

"We have four kinds: Fourth-pound, half-pound, fourth-pound with ham and vegetarian burger. All coming with an array of side orders."

The boy tugs at his collar, trying to read what's up on the menu.

"You've forgotten what your 'usual' is, haven't you?" L mutters. The boy shakes his head violently.

"No way, man! I'm just trying to decide. . ." he gulps, "which side order I want."

After a few moments of the boy staring blankly at the menu, Ryuuzaki punches in something on the cash register.

"How about this? Since you have no memory, nor reading skills, I'll give you a fourth-pound burger with cheese, side order of French fries and a cola."

The boy's face light's up.

"Y-Yeah! That's what I always get!"

(Customer type three - The Bottomless Gut

Personality: Absent-minded. Sometimes talks to nothing.

Likes: Large amounts of food

Dislikes: smaller amounts of food

Tends to: Order a lot of different things)

A rather large man approaches the counter and looks down on Ryuuzaki, money clutched in his hand.

"I want a 4 without mayonnaise, fries and an iced tea."

Ryuuzaki is about to punch in his order, when the man places a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly and pointing to the menu.

"Ooh, and do you still have chocolate ice cream?" Ryuuzake hides a glare.

"Yes, sir."

"I want a large chocolate ice cream. Then I want four apple bars, y'know, those little apple pies in the shape of a bar? Then I want a 20-piece chicken nugget meal with onion rings, but no drink. Oh, and could you make that iced tea a large? Then I want a, no. . .I want a cookie dough milkshake, large, and another set of French fries, so I can dip them in it. Oh, but please don't salt the fries. I'm not allowed to have a lot of salt. Then I want a--"

"Sir?"

"Yeah?"

Ryuuzaki glares at the man in front of him, not having punched any of his order. Others behind the counter are beginning to gather, looking at Ryuuzaki to see how he responds.

"Why not have a small side salad and an iced water?" Ryuuzaki muses, plead in his eyes.

(Lunch Break.)

Ryuuzaki reaches into his bag lunch, sighing a breath of relief, as he pulls from the bag a slice of cheesecake and two chocolate sprinkle donuts. He smiles to himself as he plunges his fork into the cake, taking a hungry bite of it. As he finally begins to relax, a small boy comes up to him, looking curiously at his cake.

"Hey mister! Is that stuff on the menu?"

"No, it isn't. This is my lunch."

"Okay. Hey, well. . .can I have some?"

Ryuuzaki pauses as he turns to the boy.

"No."

(Note - Well, L goes back to work. I have three other ideas in mind for the customer types, but I'll need your permission. Let me know if you want me to post them up here, so I can decide whether or not you like the random crack-ish idea.

Thanks for reading, by the way.)