A/N: Hello, everyone! let me start by saying that the winter finale was just traumatic to me, I never cried so much for a OUAT episode and I don't know how the hell I'm going to wait until March. Anyway, I put all of my feelings over this episode and the broken piece of my shattered heart in this fanfiction. It's something new for me, because I never wrote anything from a character's point of view (I prefer the 3rd person because it allows me to see the whole situation much more clearly). Anyway, the idea was given to me by a frien. Of mine and I think this is proving to be quite an interesting experiment, because telling the story by Regina's point of view allows me to go deeper into what she feels. The story picks up right at the end of episode 3x11. Ok, done with the boring stuff, please enjoy the story and pleeease review to let me know if I should continue this.

P.S: thanks to my friend Giulia for giving me such brilliant idea for this fanfiction. I wouldn't have made it without her. Thank you xoxo

Disclaimer: OUAT and its characters belong to Eddy Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, I only own the plot of this story.


Chapter 1

This can't be happening. I can't think straight as I stare at the purple cloud that's getting nearer with each passing second. I turn around, keeping my eyes fixed on the yellow bug disappearing in the distance. I can feel hot tears streaming down my face as I start sobbing silently as I feel the smoke engulfing us.
I close my eyes and let out a broken scream. My legs give out but before I hit the ground I feel someone hugging me from behind, trying to keep me from falling. I turn my head slightly just to meet eyes as red and teary as mine. "It's ok, love.. It's gonna be alright" Hook tries to comfort me but from his voice I think he's trying to convince himself rather than trying to convince me. Because I know that nothing will ever be the same. I've lost everything now and there's no chance I'm getting it back. I'm never gonna see my son again. This thought alone breaks me all over again and I let go of my body completely as I lean into Hook and throw my head back in a heartbreaking scream.
I open my eyes again as I feel him being pulled away from me but I can see absolutely nothing. Darkness surrounds me and then it's like the ground I was standing on has disappeared. I feel so emotionally shattered that I let go completely, and in a matter of seconds I start losing consciousness.

When I open my eyes the light is almost blinding. I recognize the smell immediately, and it brings new tears to my eyes. It's the fresh smell of pines, grass and wildflowers. Home. Anyone would be happy to find his way back home. It should be a heart-warming feeling, seeing the well-known scenery one more time, feeling the familiar breeze messing your hair and seeing the sunrays filtering so delicately through the leaves. But not me. Not after all the painful memories that are linked to the place I call home. Not after everything I had to endure here. My mothers punishments due to my careless behaviour, my loveless marriage with a king nonetheless and the death of the one man I ever truly loved. But after all this time, the Enchanted Forest seems to have found a way to bring me back to reminisce all of this, as if it were some sort of punishment.

I try to stand up but my legs are weak and I have to hold onto a tree to keep myself from falling to the ground once again. I don't know for how long I've been out but my mouth is dry and I feel really thirsty. I start walking slowly until I find a stream and bend to drink some of the crystalline water. Once I've quenched my thirst I start walking to find a way out of the woods. The sun is setting, which means it's going to be dark soon. I feel too weak to use magic to light a fire and it's something I have never done alone in my whole life. So, instead of even trying, I snuggle up against a tree and start crying.

This is all my fault. That seems to be all I can think about right now. If I hadn't created the curse in the first place, none of this would've happened. It would've been better if Tinkerbell had simply let me find peace in death instead of "giving me a second chance", as she put it. True, I wouldn't have had Henry, but at least I wouldn't be here now, feeling so miserable and worried, thinking about where he is, concerned about his safety although I know Emma will protect him with his life. "He's gonna be happy, that's what matters" I repeat in my head as if I was trying to convince myself of that. Because I, on the other hand, am utterly alone. I have no one now, I lost the only one who ever gave me a chance. It's in that moment that I realize the others aren't anywhere to be seen.
I feel so lonely, so vulnerable, so defenseless.. Even if I'm back in the Evil Queen's clothes they don't quite fit me like they used to. They feel like a curse themselves, condemning me to be seen as the wicked witch I once was. Or still am.. I don't even know who I am anymore, now that I've lost everything that I held dear. All I know is these clothes are a reminder of a past I'm ashamed of. I tried to be good for Henry, I changed, and I won't let this land turn me into the malevolent queen I once was. Not again.
My hands are shaking as I remove the hairpins from my combed hair to let it fall loosely on my shoulders and back. I stand up, leaning against the tree, and start tearing the black dress apart with all the strength I have left in my body. Tearing off the sleaves, rending the lower part of the gown and ripping the corset off as if it was preventing me from breathing. When I'm left in my white slip I let myself fall to the ground and I start sobbing uncontrollably until I drift into a restless sleep, haunted by the ghosts of my past.


When I wake up I can hear some indistinct sounds. It's almost like the sound of laughter. Maybe I'm just going crazy or maybe this is all just a dream. Nevertheless, I get up and look around to find the source of that sound. I notice there's a light flickering not far from where I stand, so I start walking slowly, careful not to make any noise. As I get nearer and the light grows stronger I can make out the sounds more clearly. There are men, chatting, laughing, some of them playing instruments and singing an old ballad.
I get a little closer to see who they are, hiding behind a tree so as not to be seen.

There's a dozen of them, gathered by the fire. Judging by the clothes they're wearing, I assume they're not rich but not quite poor as well. They look more like bandits though they don't really sound fearful or mean. They sound happy and cheerful, even if they don't have much to their names. I find myself staring at them, one after the other, trying to decide if they pose a threat.

One of them catches my eye, though, and I can't seem to tear my eyes away from him. His back is almost completely turned to me but as he turns slightly to his left to share a joke with another man I catch a glimpse of his features. He has short, dark blonde hair which almost look golden in the firelight, a little bit of stubble and a charming smile. His laughter is contagious, and I find my lips curling into the slightest of smiles. I can't take a look at his eyes, though, which pushes me to absent-mindedly take a step forward. I realize my mistake once I hear the sound of a branch breaking beneath my foot. I take a step back to try and hide behind the tree but it's too late. I look up, fear written all over my face already, just to find him staring intensely at me, bow at hand, ready to shoot an arrow right at my chest.

It would be easy. Death would at least rid me of all the pain and the suffering. But then something happens. Our eyes lock and neither of us is able to look away. Even in the dim light I can see his eyes are as blue as the ocean. We're standing still, in a tense silence, both unsure of what to do next, not knowing what to say. I see him slowly lowering his bow, though some men are whispering something to him. They're probably telling him I could be dangerous but apparently he doesn't care, because, not taking his eyes off me for a second, he takes a couple of steps towards me. I feel vulnerable, knowing I can't defend myself without my magic, so I take a step back to hide behind the tree.

"I'm not going to hurt you" I hear him whispering soothingly, the sound so low I doubt any of the men behind him even heard him. He takes another step towards me and this time he lift his arm to offer me his hand. "Please come out, step into the light.. I promise we won't hurt you". My instincts would normally tell me to run, but because of some mysterious reason I'm completely oblivious to, I do as he asks and take his hand to step over a fallen branch of the tree. As I lift my eyes once more I find myself standing closer to him than I expected, but I don't move. I take my hand away from his, though, quite missing the contact and the warmth it provided. This seems to snap him back to him senses because he then clears his through "I don't think we ever met, m'lady. I'm Robin. Robin Hood." He says bowing a little "and you are?" He asks with the most genuine of smiles.

I feel the words stuck in my throat. Who am I? The person who is to blame for the destruction of this place. The one who selfishly took everything from these people just for her own happiness. The woman who took everyone's happy ending away forever. As all of these thoughts start rushing through my mind I can feel tears threatening to fall and lower my head, not wanting to show the man my weakness. But what he does next surprises me. I hadn't even felt the hot tear running down my cheek until he cupped my face slowly with his hand and wiped it away with his thumb. I can't avoid losing myself in his deep blue eyes.

"I-I'm Regina.." I stutter "but you probably heard of me as the Evil Queen". I expected him to remove his hand from my cheek in fear, I expected him to take his bow again and aim right at my heart or for him to call his men to tie me up against a tree. What I did not expect was for him to show me kindness, as his hand slides beneath my chin to hold my head up so he can look into my eyes "You don't seem evil to me.." he whispers as his lips curl into the sweetest smile and he motions for me to join them.

I hesitate a little before accepting his offer and approaching the group of men. "You must be freezing.." he says more to himself than to me before grabbing a wool blanket a placing it on my shoulders gently. "Better?" he asks as he looks deep into my eyes. I simply nod my head, then follow him as we sits near the fire I'm now staring blankly at.

The other men are back to chatting and singing, so there's enough noise for Robin and I to talk without being heard by anyone else. "So, you're really her.. The one who cast the curse.." I don't even bother looking at him, his stare would probably just add to the guilt I already feel "Yes". "Well, they didn't do you any justice." he states and I slowly turn my head to face him, not understanding what the man is talking about "Excuse me?" I ask him. I'm well aware of the way my voice sounds right now. There's no emotion in it, no curiosity, no sadness, no happiness, absolutely nothing. I just feel.. numb. Which is actually a blessing, given the pain that I know is hiding somewhere beneath. He holds my gaze as he whispers "They didn't do you any justice. I heard stories about you. They all talked about how evil and revengeful but oh so beautiful you were. I never actually paid attention to those rumors but I now can say that your beauty is striking."

I know he said that just to flatter me and maybe to get a smile from me in return, but I can't move. I can't do anything, even stop the tear that is now running down my cheek. That's all they're ever going to see me as. The Evil Queen. I go back to staring at the fire, too tired to even lift my hand and wipe the tear.

"I'm sorry if I said something that upset you.. I've never really talked to a queen before and I'm well aware of my lacking manners.. I apologize.." my lips curve into a sad smile as I look down, trying to avoid his gaze as I whisper something back "It's not your fault. It's mine..".

He opens his mouth and for a second I think he has said my name, but something distracts both of us. Or better, someone. A little boy is rushing towards Robin, screaming "Daddy!" and throwing his tiny arms around his father's neck. Robin hugs him in return and places the little boy on his lap before he starts tickling him. His laughter echoes in my head, awakening memories of my first years with Henry, when we used to play games together, or watch a movie with him snuggled against me when it was raining heavily outside, drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon on top.

Robin is still laughing when his lifts his gaze to take a look at me. Tears are trickling down my cheeks now even though I'm smiling. He's about to speak when the boy whispers in his ears "Daddy, who is she?". Robin glances at him before looking again at the woman sitting next to them "This is Regina" he says smiling before addressing me "and, Regina, this is Roland, my son".

I smile at the boy as I wipe some of the tears away "Hi Roland!" I say softly "It's a pleasure to meet you". The boy smiles shily and looks up at Robin "Daddy, she's nice. Can we keep her?" he asks sweetly cocking his head of one side a little, using his best puppy eyes. I can see Robin blushing a little in the dim light of the fire, unsure of how to respond to his son. Instead he looks at me as the little boy wraps himself in a blanket and snuggles against him, resting his head on Robin's lap before slowly drifting off to sleep.

"I'm sorry. He's just not used to having company, except for my Merry Men of course. Especially female company." he says stroking Roland's hair softly. "I gather his mother isn't around much?" the words slip from my mouth before I can stop myself. "She- uhm.. My wife passed away. It was many years ago, long before the curse" there's something in the way he points that detail out, as if he's trying to spare me more unnecessary pain. As if he didn't want me to think I destroyed more lives than I already knew. Almost like he cared about my feelings. "She died during childbirth. She had been sick for a long time.." he says as his voice trails off, clearly reminiscing some moments spent with his wife.

"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to lose someone you love.." I don't even know if I'm talking about Daniel or about Henry right now. Probably both. Just thinking about Henry is painful and not wanting to talk about him I tear my eyes away from Robin. I notice now that the other men have stopped singing and chatting and are currently settling down to sleep.

"You look tired" His voice brings me back to reality and I realize I actually am, though I dismiss the thought of sleeping, saying "I'm fine". I mustn't have sounded very convincing since I feel his arm sliding slowly and hesitantly around my waist. I look at his but I don't put up a fight, so he pulls me a little closer to him before removing his arm and motioning for me to rest my head upon his shoulder. "Come on, you look like you need a good night's sleep" he says smiling.

Why is he so kind to me? I ask myself. He doesn't even know me, though he surely knows about my reputation as the Evil Queen. I don't have the strength to tell him that the reason why I don't want to sleep is because with sleep come nightmares. Nightmares of a life I have lost. Nightmares in which I'm haunted by the memories of the people I will never see again, which would only add to the pain I now feel.

Suddenly, though, something interrups my thoughts. Roland has reached out with his tiny hand in his sleep and is now grasping my index and middle finger gently. My eyes well up with tears in an instant as the memory of a one-year-old Henry grabbing my finger as he fell asleep on my chest hits me. I stroke the back of Roland's small, soft hand slowly with my thumb as I rest my head on Robin's shoulder after a moment's hesitation.
"Thank you.." I breathe out in a low whisper as I close my eyes letting a couple of tears escape from them. I'm drifting off to sleep as I hear him saying something. I'm not sure what he said, but I'm pretty sure he whispered my name, and his voice sounds so warm and protective that I relax completely against him until darkness takes over and with it the nightmares.

(TBC? please let me know what you think about this)