It was precisely 7 am as Annie, Troy and Abed were excitedly setting up their tv show in the study room. Annie, though she would hardly admit it herself, was excited about finally being able to be on the show.
"Guys," she said "look what I bought! A mug and a model Greendale diorama I made and..." she paused as she unfurled the banner out of her bag "A Troy and Abed and Annie in the morning banner."
Abed studied the items with a look of deliberation on his face and Troy looked at them in utter horror.
"Annie," he said, stepping in front of her "We let you get on the show on strict conditions, one of them being that you don't mess up our jam."
Annie's lip quivered a little. "What's your... jam?"
"Jam means charisma, Annie, jam means chemistry, it means things staying in order." Abed broke in. "This is exactly what I feared when I let you become a regular. You'd mess with the natural system. Either you would make the trio dynamic, or you would destroy it beyond repair."
He paused to let the full effect sink into her, then studied Annie with his head cocked to the side. A minute passed, Annie growing more anxious, started to think about what she could say to make Abed change his mind, but suddenly he straightened up and pronounced;
"But if we didn't let you in this show would become stagnant, it would lose tension. But there will be no dioramas."
"But this one has a little study room, look and a little Dean Pelton, and look..." she pointed to the entrance to Greendale "A little Jeff and Me!" she pointed at her masterpiece, with a proud smile. The Jeff and Annie dolls had taken her the longest to make.
"Exactly. No dioramas" Abed insisted.
"But..." Annie was still eager to protest, when Troy started pacing up and down the room, clearly in his own world, frustrated.
"Look what you've done to Troy," Abed said, pointing "He's very unstable, you should know that from when you bought the different brand of Coco Pops."
Annie sprang to her own defense "They looked the same..."
"Well they weren't the same, were they, Annie?!" Troy was now sitting in the fetal position on the couch.
"Down, boy, down, shhh" Abed attempted to comfort his friend.
Annie, unable to stand it any longer, drew her breath and shouted "Okay I don't need to show the diorama, if you'd all stop being so sensitive, though I don't understand why I never get to participate in any of your games! As for the Jeff and Me, I had no more clay, so that's the only reason I only made us two and-"
She had plenty more to say, she had her disney face all prepared, when Dean Pelton walked in. As expected he was wearing a weird costume. Today it was a floral design, obviously stuffed to make his look plump, old lady glasses, a silver wig and an umbrella. but unlike the Dean, he failed to introduce himself and just stood there, humming. The three flatmates approached him curiously, studying this weird creature, who (it had become clear now) was not Dean Pelton. Then Abed drew back, pointed his finger and said quietly "Tobias."
"Who is this Tobias that you speak of? I am Mrs Featherbottom. From Blackstool. How may I be of service?" Said Mrs Featherbottom, fluffing her skirt and trying to curtsy, while making sure her wig didn't come off. Mrs Featherbottom was risking a lot as his wig was already on sideways and revealed a shiny forehead.
"Tobias," Abed hastily explained "is a character from Arrested Development, which only ran for three seasons before it was cancelled. It's the best show."
Annie and Troy nodded, dazed. Annie felt the need to protest. Abed was going too far, she told herself. Of course, they could all take the movie references and the constant thinking that they were a movie show themselves, damnit, they had even taken that weird period when Abed thought they were all claymation characters. But this?
However she had no time to voice her emotions before Mrs Featherbottom tore off her wig in fury and took off her dress, to emerge as Tobias.
"I am here," exclaimed Mrs Featherbottom, aka Tobias, "because I heard the call of artistic duty, and responding to his soft gentle touch, I let him penetrate me until I was full, now I stand before you, a reborn man, to ask (at this point he sank to the floor, bowing) can I be a part of your show?"
"Umm... I suppose the cups and stuff need washing..." Annie hesitantly replied, striving to be polite. She need have said no more, as Tobias already took the cups, the banners, even the diorama and started to arrange them into their rightful places, but his was of moving was not like a normal person. He glided, like a leopard, which Abed took without any notice.
"I have fulfilled your request, and would you do me the honor of filling me with the greatest joy...?" he said, once he'd finished. Everyone awkwardly paused as Tobias stood beaming at them, crating what he thought was a dramatic pause. Once the pause had been sufficiently dramatic, in his opinion, he exclaimed "The greatest joy of letting me be on your show?" And with these words he sank to the floor.
7:30 am. The dynamic had changed. The study room was now a audition room. Troy and Abed occupied the camera, while Annie sat in the chair, a director's chair no less, and got ready to audition. This was her time to shine. She has made her cardigan flawless, she has tied her hair back, she had even got a clipboard, and now, now she would show Troy and Abed just how awesome and responsible she was. Not to mention that this position of power felt strangely good.
"Now," she said, pointing her pen at Tobias "what experience do you have of erm... performance on screen?"
"I don't understand." said Tobias "Because about the experience on screen..."
"Any auditions?" said Annie, her voice gaining authority.
Tobias' face lit up "Oh yes. Lots of auditions. I can do my fire sale performance!"
And before Annie could say anything, he was off. Tobias curled on the floor and started shrieking.
"Oh My God! We're having a fire... sale! Evacuate the children, take the women, there's just no time!"
He then proceeded to run around the study room, screaming. The three members of the study group stood in awe. In theory they should have done something, but Tobias' performance wasn't as captivating as it was horrific. Even Abed seemed less then eager to approach him. This left Tobias a free hand and he proceeded to turn the study room table so that the front was facing them while he hid behind the back.
"Oh my God, the prices! The prices! Children, hide, anyone who can, save yourselves! This is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill! Ahh! My leg! My leg... no go ahead while I die, save the children, oh my lord the children-"
At that moment, both Jeff Winger and Dean Pelton came into the study room. First they both stood at the doorway, unsure of what to do.
"Jeffery, what a tight spot we're in," said Dean Pelton "I must say your cologne is mesmerizing, do I detect a hint of pine?" He put his hand on Jeff's shoulder "You know, you should wear leather more often it really-"
"Okay that's it." Jeff freed himself from the Dean and went to restore order. It was really tiring, having to do it all the time, relieving the study group of their duties, guiding them along all the time. He was so sick of being the hero for all of them, I mean, really, couldn't they take care of matters themselves?
"Hey, Mrs. Doubtfire" he said, for Tobias , in the midst of dramatic calling, had put on his wig and was now impersonating an old woman. "Pack it in."
"It's Mrs. Featherbottom actually-" Tobias began to speak when Dean Pelton interrupted.
"Tobias Funke is now our resident psychology teacher."
"And why would we need a new psychology teacher?" said Annie, dazed as why this was was going to be teaching about mental health.
"And why are the cameras so weird?" Jeff remarked. He was right, the cameras were weird, the light was different and they were moving more. Plus now Abed was behind them, writing something down and speaking into a microphone.
"Because Jeffery, the Bluth family will be our guests for the next couple of days." Dean Pelton explained, putting his hand on Jeff's shoulder.
"And why exactly is that?" Jeff remarked.
"You know, enrichment, values, teaching, community, life that sort of thing..." Dean Pelton drifted off.
"So how much are you getting paid?" Jeff would never suspect the Dean of being honest.
"Okay, you caught me, you bad-" there even the Dean knew he was going too far. "Yes, the jist of the matter is we may or may not be able to afford a better costume department after this, but the goal of the whole exchange is to form stronger bonds between you and The Bluths. And part of that is Tobias being the new psychology teacher."
"Exactly!" Tobias was now in his own world "I would have much rather been the head of Drama, which I will also teach, but psychology is also a calling of sorts. I will dig into your subconscious, and go deeper and deeper until we are both finished and the darkest secrets of our lives are brought to surface."
The four members of the study group started at him with a certain disgust. Dean Pelton, however, was impressed.
"Well, well" he exclaimed, giving Tobias his signature look "Looks like we have a real trooper. And I love your wig."
Jeff sighed and whispered to Annie "God, I hope Britta doesn't take to him or we're all screwed. Literally."
Annie giggled while Abed sat down in his signature spot and ignoring the looks being exchanged between the Dean and Tobias and Annie and Jeff, he began voicing his hypothesis.
"What we have here is very exciting. It seems like the cast of Arrested Development is joining our show for an episode. Since I am the natural surveyor of human interaction, I have decided that I will be the narrator, since we're clearly not budgeted to have one. I'm calling it..." there he paused for effect "Arrested Community"
"Yeah, real original. And, Abed," Jeff began, as he always began when reminding Abed that there was a real world. "This is clearly just a scheme for money by doing some sort of exchange with this family. There is no such thing as Arrested Development. I've never seen it."
"Of course you haven't Jeff," Abed explained patiently "You don't have taste in good tv. It's because of people like you that everything good dies. Like Sean Bean, in every movie he ever starred in. Annie and Troy are too young to have seen it, Britta was probably still at Woodstock, and Pierce doesn't even know how to turn on the TV, and the less said about Shirley, the better."
